His school report is awful - how the hell can I help him?

[MrsPear]

So ds2 has brought his school report home and it’s awful.
He is one of those children. Reading between the lines he is a badly behaved child who is below the required standards for English and Mathematics and has failed his phonics test. No this is not a surprise. He moved schools (and house) in January and has been angry since.

First things first - does anyone know or can link me to -I’ve tried and cannot find- a document or page showing what a child should be able to do to reach the required level by the end of year one?
Two - I know I’m going to have get specialist help re behaviour. Any ideas where from?

And no there are no positives

I would start with the school, our reports are so brief you will get lots more information from speaking to the teacher. They may also have managed angry children before and have advice and link you to local resources

Start by asking school what behaviour and phonics support they have in place, then ask what phonics/reading support you can do at home. Keep doing number bonds with him, and start times tables.

What was he like in his previous school? Did the school make you aware of how he was doing?
Are there any issues with speech, language, hearing, eyesight, anything else?
Does he have friends? Does he do anything outside school? Something like Beavers might help his behaviour and confidence if there are no other issues.
Can you afford a tutor?
How are things at home?

Have a look on local FB pages for SEN or homeschool you may find some local resources there

I think you should have a meeting with school, get the full story. If he is being bullied, can't see the board, has signs of dyslexia etc that would go a long way to explaining his behaviour.

Really work on confidence and behaviour over the summer. Do loads of reading with him, the summer reading challenge in the library. Play counting board games. Work on his focus.

Come September meet the school again to strategise. He is so young, it can be turned around.

As everyone else has said... you can do nothing constructive (can do lots of wrong things) until you have the facts. Let's stop guessing and speak to the school and then work from their and ask them for help to prepare a plan that you can work through together. It'll all work out in the end but don't try to second guess... he sounds at the age where he may not understand why he's behaving like he is either.

Did it really come as a surprise? If they had concerns they should not have waited until report time for you to find out.

His last school just reported everything was fine. His last report from there said he was reaching expected level and behaviour was normal for age - this was Christmas. He has two terms at the new school. And he is now falling below expected level. And his behaviour is terrible.

He goes swimming lessons and football - both eye roll when he arrives.

He is a poor listener and has poor concentration. I admit to get infuriated at times - he is in his own world. I resort to standing over him if I need him to do anything by a certain time otherwise we would never get anywhere. This was also on the report.

We could manage a tutor but what would that mean for ks1?

Unlike our other child there is no physical disability and has passed hearing and sight tests.

Oh and as other parents have seen his behaviour first hand on school trips he has not been invited to parties or play dates.

So he's only 5/6? In normal circumstances I'd say don't worry. Schools push kids much too hard these days. It's all about results and funding. He's got loads of time to develop and kids this age shouldn't have so much pressure. In your case though, it sounds as though he's very unhappy, and you need to talk to him and see why. Has he got friends? Do you need to help him, maybe start asking his classmates round for playdates? Or is there some other reason why he isn't coping?

www.primarycurriculum.me.uk/year1

Tbh I’d be looking at the school and it’s ability to nurture all children. No positives? In 25 years of primary teaching I’ve never written a report that had NOTHING nice to say and I’ve worked in some tough areas, with many poor wee souls. Also my head wouldn’t allow such a report to be issued. I’d also be questioning why I was hearing about these issues in a report and not sooner.

I think you’re being a bit harsh to be honest, he’s what 6/7? Had a massive upheaval which he isn’t happy about and isn’t settling into school as quickly as you’d hope.
He’ll catch up in no time, try to praise the positives and if you can’t find any then maybe it’s you with the problem.

Do you think the last school was ignoring bad behaviour and low achievement, or have his listening, behaviour, attainment all plummeted since he started the new school?

What was the reason for the move? Any other upheaval?

You definitely need to talk to the school.

I guess my problem is the lack of clarity. My eldest has a disability and as such I had it all laid out - he is doing this but should be doing this therefore we will do this to make it happen. Now it’s just he is below expected for age and full stop. I’m going to ask for a meeting with senco. I need help. He is 6 and already is failing.

Oh and dad just leaves it all to me. He works and that is all he has to do as far he is concerned.

I’m secondary but...

We are always told nothing on the report should be a surprise - have they not asked to speak to you prior to this if problems are so bad?

If he is the ‘angry’ child you allude to, what does the school have to help? ELSA etc?

I would say the one biggest thing parents can do to help their child is to read with them. The ability to read, and understand, opens doors to everything else. If he’s struggling with that he may be acting up because he can’t access the work, but again I’d have expected the school to notice/say. Not an expert but I can’t see the benefit in a tutor when he’s so young.

It’s not too late to be asking for a meeting to plan for how you and school can support now and next year.

Your first port of call is to speak to the teacher right away. To be honest, I can’t see why this is a surprise to you in his new school? Have his teachers not spoken to you since settling in? Have you asked how he’s getting on?

So, make an appointment with the teacher. Yes it’s end of term but you need to address this now and demonstrate to the school that you want to tackle this and to push for support.

You're doing the right thing. Start with the school. I'd go for some serious love bombing over summer with some fun squeebles apps on the iPad. It sounds like he lives with a disabled sibling, a dad who gives no fucks and just moved house. That's a lot for one little person.

Before you go looking for things to spend your money on go to the school. See what they intend to put in place to manage his behaviour and improve his attention and achievement. That is their job. They have highlighted issues and you can show them that these did not exist in his previous school - possibly due to better management and awareness of his needs.

That they have very quickly identified issues is a good thing... they can now start working on better managing and supporting him. He is 6ish, he will bounce back with a bit of focussed care and attention.

But only if you communicate with them.

Good luck.

OP, what do you think about his behaviour in general? If you've noticed that others think it's not great, then perhaps it isn't. I'd arrange to speak to the school Senco about this.

Hes six and not one positive?
Go in and ask fir a meeting with the teacher and the head and see what THEY are doing to help him.

Before term breaks up get a meeting with the school to have a chat about his deterioration in progress and behaviour. He's only small so this could just be a wobble but trust your instincts. My year 7 lad only got his referrals for ASD in the last year but my Spidey sense was twanging since he was tiny.

Also I'd give you a tip of picking your battles. If he doesn't enjoy football or swimming just don't do it at the moment. What does he like doing? Do you give him opportunities to do those things? Even if it's watching horrid Henry on Netflix or using a tablet which you might disapprove of, if he finds them calming maybe give him a little latitude.

I’ve asked repeatly at both parent evenings - in February and June- how he was settling in and what I can do to help. I’m one of those parents that mn hate because I ask the teacher daily how has he been today. Up and until now they just said basically not to worry. But I am worried - how can I not be when in bold print your child’s school report says that they are are below expected age?

No real advice but just wanted to sympathise about how hard this must be. It’s terrible that the school has not spoken to you if things are this bad for him and even worse that they couldn’t find anything positive to say.
The bit about they eye rolling when he arrives at clubs is just so sad. I hope you manage to find some good help and that things improve for him.

He's massively unhappy after the house move, you've said it yourself.
The behaviour at school is a symptom of the problem, not the problem.

Thank you for everyone’s replies btw including the searing ones. We always have cuddles and stories at bedtime - it’s the best time of the day. But I’m not perfect and I know that - like I said his behaviour can be difficult. I need strategies for myself as much as him.