His school report is awful - how the hell can I help him?

[MrsPear]

So ds2 has brought his school report home and it’s awful.
He is one of those children. Reading between the lines he is a badly behaved child who is below the required standards for English and Mathematics and has failed his phonics test. No this is not a surprise. He moved schools (and house) in January and has been angry since.

First things first - does anyone know or can link me to -I’ve tried and cannot find- a document or page showing what a child should be able to do to reach the required level by the end of year one?
Two - I know I’m going to have get specialist help re behaviour. Any ideas where from?

And no there are no positives

Firstly the curriculum - you can find it online, not that easy to navigate but it gives you an idea. Secondly was the move sudden, has other circumstances which explains his ongoing anger, at 6 they move on pretty quickly - does moving mean that he's lost contact with relatives too or now has to share?

Finally at 6 some of the learning and behavioural issues begin to show and bad behaviour is often a way to disguise the fact they don't understand

Would he like beavers or karate instead of swimming and football? My ds loves beavers & they are a very nurturing group. I also wonder if you could work things out so that you can give him some more time & lots of love & fuss over the summer?

A dc in ds' class had very poor behaviour in reception but school have done a really good job of settling him down. A friend of mine is a very experienced phonics specialist teacher & she has done some great work with another dc we know but sounds as though the general behaviour needs sorting out a bit first. As another pp says it sounds a lot to deal with when you're 6 (and a lot to deal with as a dm). I would also make time to read to him every day and talk about the stories to engage him. Maybe let him choose new books at the library each week as a treat? Xx good luck op xx

"When his other school said “fine”, they may have been masking things"

Especially if they knew there was a chance he'd be moving, sadly.

don't get too worried, main things are patience, love, reading with him and listening to him. And I think you do all those things.

My son moved school in year 1 (and country) his SATs were "unmeasurable" (as he could not write). He was assessed as being 1.5-2 years behind where he should be by the end of year 2

He also struggled socially, and emotionally. He got 3 IEPs (social, emotional and academic) and was tested as dyslexic by age 8.

I remember panicking and thinking about tutors, we did Kip McGrath for a year.

But ultimately, the best advice I had was to:
1.) read with him and to him
2.) be patient with him, don't show my frustration
3.) focus on what he IS good at. In his case he loved making things, so I forked out for all kinds of creative stuff like lego-animation courses (practically free, run by council in a museum over the summer, great fun) and robotics (pricey but worth it) and he used to modify old nerf guns and took apart and re-built radios.

Giving him praise for what he was naturally good at (making stuff, being creative, technical) and not just getting bogged down by spellings (scored 0-2 out of 10 weekly) and times tables (could not do rote learning).

He is 16 now and has blossomed in Secondary, is predicted 7s for most subjects, I (and school) allowed him to choose coursework subjects rather than sticking to ebac, he has very much enjoyed his computing, food tech, design and tech gcses

I wish I'd known, then I would not have worried so much.

Some kids are just not "school ready" until much older. Mine was 10 when he started to focus a bit. Seriously, run with what he loves.

Keep the faith!

Over the summer maybe get his hearing and eyesight checked, so you're sure that there are definitely no issues before he goes into next year. My DS also failed the phonics test and we've had years of the school "keeping an eye " on his prgoress, which has never amounted to very much. Once he's back at school, make an appointment to meet his teacher without him and ask them what is planned to support him in the coming year.

Maybe also look to spend some 1:1 time with him just you / DH and work on his self esteem and praise any positive behaviour, sharing, not snatching, not being rude etc. over the summer.

The thing that broke my heart the most were the lack of party invites etc and being left out. No wonder he is playing up. After being taken out of one school and into another where he is judged by adults before he has really had a chance to prove himself.
Honestly, with the phonics I'd just keep up the bedtime reading. I'd throw your energy into the behaviour and really lay it on thick over the summer holidays- gold star sticker chart, special days out, special trips to the shop for being a super listener etc. And I would also be in the school finding out on top of what pp have said, what they are doing to integrate him.
Maybe don't dismiss the idea of something like beavers or a club that isn't JUST sport. It might give him some down time and time to really focus. Plus the badge gaining might be really good for his confidence.

@Thump 100 percent agreement w you. Achievement and attainment is only important indirectly - it gives options. What is important (directly) is happiness and character. If you bring up a happy kid, content with the options they have for career etc, and respectful of others, ta da! Success! All this pressure to excel! I dont want it for my kid. I am perfectly happy with the idea of my kid not excelling in anything, and yet being content in himself and a good person.

I was put under pressure as a kid. Hobbies. School. I had to compete. And be the best. I had to 'do my best' All. The. Time. It was exhausting. My report cards were put on the fridge if good and my parents were obvious in their efforts to find out where I was pegged in the class. I promised myself i would never do this.

Im not saying you are doing this either OP. And i think parents should be involved in education 100%. But i think its a balancing act. You are doing a great as you are.

SENs can often start becoming more apparent from this age as other children mature and develop quicker. Some of the characteristics described could be due to dyslexia/ dyspraxia/ ADHD/ sensory processing. Unfortunately schools can be reluctant or unable to do much before y3.

Equally it could be pastoral and he hasn't transitioned well. Or a combination of both.

Speak with school and get more details from his teacher and SENCO.

Beavers is great for socialising and variety with structure but less formality than school. This could be a good approach especially if the underlying issue is pastoral and he's struggled to slot into an existing social network.

He needs attention from his dad, especially if family life is influenced by a sibling with disabilities. There is more to family obligations than just working.

While my DS's behaviour in school was never problematic, there were issues at home which with hindsight were poorly communicated frustration as he masks in school. "Fortunately" he showed quite clear idiosyncracies in his strengths and weaknesses so school and I were aware of the liklihood of dyslexia from early in y1... late in y3 dyslexia and dyspraxia have finally been identified which explain a lot, although I suspect not the complete picture.

I agree with a pp that he is struggling, not failing. A change of attitude does help. In the last year since I suspected more than dyslexia and shifted some of my expectations about what DS "should" do at his age, e.g. brushing his teeth, frustration has eased a little and lo and behold it's genuinely difficult for DS to do it himself because it's dyspraxia, and me doing it for him eases that bit of pressure and eases the start of his day.

My eldest passed the phonics test by achieving exactly the pass mark. He is still a long way behind 'expected' levels in writing and this is a constant struggle and has a huge impact on his confidence.

Anyway, its really noticeable that DS struggles more with school in the winter than in the summer - because he plays a summer sport - he has something in his life that he does in the summer that he enjoys and knows he is good at. Find the one thing your child enjoys, even if its not at school to build his confidence.