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Original poster

His school report is awful - how the hell can I help him?

84 replies

MrsPear · 08/07/2019 16:37

So ds2 has brought his school report home and it’s awful.
He is one of those children. Reading between the lines he is a badly behaved child who is below the required standards for English and Mathematics and has failed his phonics test. No this is not a surprise. He moved schools (and house) in January and has been angry since.

First things first - does anyone know or can link me to -I’ve tried and cannot find- a document or page showing what a child should be able to do to reach the required level by the end of year one?
Two - I know I’m going to have get specialist help re behaviour. Any ideas where from?

And no there are no positives

OP posts:
babysharkah · 08/07/2019 17:20

Forget about the phonics screen for a start. Dt2 failed that because she refused to read made up words.

It has no impact on anything and he'll retake it next year.

thedevondumpling · 08/07/2019 17:21

I think I'd be more worried about the behaviour at the moment. He's got alot of time to catch up but it sounds like he has found the move hard. A change of teacher in September could help as well as the break over the summer. I can remember moving at that age and it can be hard.

GreenTulips · 08/07/2019 17:21

Ok so poor concentration difficulty in phonics poor behaviour bad memory are all signs of dylexia

Look up 37 signs of dyslexia for information

It’s not all about reading

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education Primary education
Thump · 08/07/2019 17:23

What exactly does the report say? Might you be expecting a lot from him and he's just a middle of the road child?

My dd's school report this year was disappointing - particularly in maths - 50%. She's going into GCSE year in September and I'm struggling to see how she will even pass higher level maths.

I gave her an extreme bollocking - including about 3 comments about her not making an effort - things like 'charm does not equal effort' were fairly frequent on her report.

Now the brat is not talking to me.

Jaxhog · 08/07/2019 17:26

I’d also be questioning why I was hearing about these issues in a report and not sooner.

This would worry me too. Surely the school should have told you that his behaviour etc, has deteriorated so quickly? Especially as you did ask how he was settling in. Although it does sound like the move is at the core of things. Hopefully, this is just a blip.

Tistheseason17 · 08/07/2019 17:27

There are always children in each of the ability brackets. I'd be more concerned about behaviour than ability - maybe the changes have impacted on him quite a lot and he is struggling to handle/express his feelings?
He is only KS1 - ask for school to help.

Paddingtonthebear · 08/07/2019 17:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Paddingtonthebear · 08/07/2019 17:27

Whoops sorry wrong thread Blush

BeardyButton · 08/07/2019 17:29

Im of the relax attitude too. Hes had huge upheaval. To be expected his attainment might drop. Also as the cliche goes, all behaviour is communication. Hes trying to tell everyone hes not happy. If its jst the move, dont fret - he will adapt. But its also ok for him to feel unhappy about it.
Having done some research in parental engagement in edu for this age group... Surprisingly the no 1impactful strategy parents can use is the simple parent child discussion. At the basic, ask your kid about school. Talk about what happened. Try and get him to open up about his new school, likes dislikes etc. The idea is to communicate that education and good behaviour, is important to you and you want it to be important to you too. That and reading for pleasure (note - not jst reading!) are they key things parents can do to help kids at school. Reading for pleasure seems to impact on other subjects, interestingly.
It sounds like you are doing these things already.
One word of warning - i reckon the reason the above work is that they tap into the idea of love of learning and curiosity. Clearly, this is extremely difficult to foster in kids. Every parent would do it if it was easy. But! It is more easy to kill. I have seen natural curiosity and love of learning killed off when learning becomes smt a kid does to 'get parents off their back'. Its the difference between intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Beware of putting too much pressure in him.

EvaHarknessRose · 08/07/2019 17:30

Improve that quality time with him, aim to improve happiness and self-esteem which will help stop the acting out behaviour at school.

And whether or not he is actually affected by siblings disability, why not see if he could attend some Young Carers activities - they could help his self-esteem.

And if you think you could do with some strategies, why not try a parenting course, could help you unpick what is going on with him. Shame about Dad, he could be pivotal.

Mintylizzy9 · 08/07/2019 17:31

It may vary between local authorities but mine has a behaviour support team. They come out to school and observe the child and then suggest strategies for the teachers and parents to use.

I would also set up a meeting with teacher and Senco to discuss the report and what strategies they have been using so far (if any).

And yes to picking your battles drop footy and swimming if he’s not enjoying them he can alsways go back to them later.

A really helpful group I’ve found is the National Association of Theraputuc Parenting. They have a Facebook group that’s open to non members (I highly recommend membership) and there is lots of idea sharing to dealing with little ones with behaviour / anxiety etc.

My 5 year old sounds like yours. I know what’s causing his challenges and we’ve had support from the behaviour support team and the education psychologist. Getting school on side is key, I’ve managed to build a good relationship with them since sept and we regularly share ideas and strategy for dealing his his anxiety (and resulting behaviours).

Best of luck x

Original poster
MrsPear · 08/07/2019 17:31

The school move was to get ds1 in a specialist unit.

GreenTulips thank you for that link. I hadn’t considered dyslexia but it does sound like him - the class clown is very much right. And the one thing he loves is art and model making ✅ This new school is much more academic whereas the last one was more hands on and practical.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsPear · 08/07/2019 17:35

Thanks again everyone - I’m going to use replies to make a list for senco meeting.

OP posts:
BlankTimes · 08/07/2019 17:36

"Bad" behaviour can be a sign of a child telling you they are struggling whilst not being able to express their needs.

Definitely make an appointment with SENCO, find out if there is any difference in your boy's behaviour at home and at school.
Ask SENCO how he behaves at school, does he over-react to a slight touch, or loud noises, is he passive when the class is quiet and agitated when everyone's making a noise?
Does he find class time in the mornings okay and break and less structured times in the afternoon are difficult for him so he's likely to 'misbehave' more then?
Is he struggling to understand the work the teacher is giving him and acting up to try and deflect from that?
When you've listened to Senco's description of him, compare it to your own for similarities and differences of his behaviour in similar situations.

Does anything here help? www.livesinthebalance.org/

Butterfly02 · 08/07/2019 17:37

Two pronged approach school - ask for federal to senco team for consideration for speach and language, dyslexia screening, psychological support any other screening they think required ADHD, aspergers etc. Gp for a referal to CAMHs.
Could you look at private tutor specialized in supporting children to learn in different ways (not sat at a desk) to close gaps in learning.

RageAgainstTheVendingMachine · 08/07/2019 17:38

Hello OP

I am going to be you in a year's time if not sooner
Please accept a hug
Here is the phonics test from June that he did not pass - he will be tested again at the end of year 2 I believe (with a different set obv. Not sure if this was actual test used, think so, pass mark would have been 32)
assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/809986/2019_phonics_pupils_materials_standard.pdf

My son is 6 and would have not have scored on it (long story, don't ask) and my 17 year old got two wrong (pronounced two nonsense ones like she would in German)

In your shoes I would be asking the SENCO whether she can give you specific targets for the Summer holidays and what support he can access in year 2 - explain you do not necessarily want to self refer for an EHCP at this stage but you do want an informal school action plan or monitoring of behaviour (being on report) that you can cosign if it does not improve within first few weeks of the new term.
Unless you suspect SEN in which case requesting assessment for EHCP according to LA guidelines. Good luck love Shamrock

dottiedodah · 08/07/2019 17:39

As far as I know a move in primary years ,can set children back by up to a year and a half!.That coupled with the fact his brother is disabled ,and his father is always at work is not a good recipe TBH!.Can you make time for him one to one, and see what sort of things he likes ?.At only 6 he is too young to be written off like this .If you have a meeting with SENCO that should clarify things for you Good Luck and hang on in there!

TroubleWithNargles · 08/07/2019 17:40

Perhaps the new school is not the right environment for him then. Was it the only available place when you moved, or is there another school nearby that might suit him better?

Has he made friends at the new school? Or were friendship groups already established when he joined and he's having trouble fitting in?

And finally - what sort of a bond does he have with his dad, do they spend time together or does his dad literally leave all parenting to you?

Spooksandchocolatecake · 08/07/2019 17:41

If hands on and practical is his thing id move to a smaller less academic school.I feel like everyone is being a bit hard on him atm tbh,try to find a art or theatre club and young carers and screening for dyslexia is a good call x

Isatis · 08/07/2019 17:43

Ask your GP for a referral to a paediatrician.

Wonkybanana · 08/07/2019 17:44

He's only young, and he's been uprooted from his home, his school and his friends. He's scared and he's not coping. And he's showing that he's not in the only way he can think of, by getting angry.

Then he's in a vicious circle - because of the way he's behaving, he's not getting chance to make the friends that would help him settle.

Forget the academic stuff, he has loads of time to catch up. Concentrate on his emotions. Give him dolls and teddies to play with and encourage him to act out, through the toys, how he's feeling. Then use the toys to help him work through it. Let the teddies act out some positive stories about change.

But acknowledge his feelings and work with him, don't just tell him it'll be OK. Baby steps to help him make it be OK.

restingpigeon · 08/07/2019 17:45

Had your ds lost all of his friends in the move? How about extended family? That sounds a big move for a small boy - sometimes bad behaviour is how they let us know they are struggling. I’d be inclined to try love bombing and praising the good. It’s tiresome and hard to do when you feel
they deserve the opposite but I find it works better.

Also, how firm are your routines? I realised we needed to have really strict set times for things so that homework/reading was done when relaxed but not too tired etc. Routines take friction out of situations.

Have you tried explaining social rules more clearly re friends, class trips, greeting people? Some kids don’t naturally pick these things up.