His school report is awful - how the hell can I help him?

[MrsPear]

So ds2 has brought his school report home and it’s awful.
He is one of those children. Reading between the lines he is a badly behaved child who is below the required standards for English and Mathematics and has failed his phonics test. No this is not a surprise. He moved schools (and house) in January and has been angry since.

First things first - does anyone know or can link me to -I’ve tried and cannot find- a document or page showing what a child should be able to do to reach the required level by the end of year one?
Two - I know I’m going to have get specialist help re behaviour. Any ideas where from?

And no there are no positives

It seems harsh to term him 'failing' on the strength of one school report after massive upheaval in his life. I wouldn't be so quick to write him off. He's had a move to a school with a completely different ethos from his previous one.
Your approach seems rather clinical and although that may get you results with your other DC, it may not be the best response to a recently uprooted, emotional DS2.

I wouldn't read between the lines any further before you speak to his teacher, OP.

He's had a tremendous amount of upheaval and he knows it wasn't for him - even at a young age, that is hard for him to deal with. I would give him some support and some time to come to terms with it all.

Me again OP.
Not sure whether I got his year right (I am in Germany) but you said 6, so end of year 1 yes? Next year this is what he would be expected to be able to do at the end of year 2:
www.gov.uk/government/publications/key-stage-1-tests-2019-mathematics-test-materials
(English is adjacent) some of the maths questions made no sense to me until I read the instructions as a couple of the questions are aural/dictated/read out loud
My daughter could do some of it (she is just coming to the end of year 2 in July but we start later here with no reception year)
My son - not a chance in hell

He is due to start year 2 in September but would have been starting the equivalent of Reception had we been staying in Germany so he will be 2 years behind (cannot read, knows letters but not phonics, poor hand grip and unable to write yet) - A whole world of pain.
He is Summer born.
Given that in the UK you start reception aged 4/the year in which you turn 5 but in some cases parents defer for a year or schools say to repeat Reception twice, is there any chance you could ask whether he could stay in year 1 for one more year?
I have asked the LA that I am applying to for my 6 year old to go into year 1 rather than year 2 even though he will be 7 June 2020 because otherwise he is being set up to fail completely.

I wouldn’t worry about “below expected age”, there is an expected level, some kids are below and some are ahead of that expected level but at the age of 6 and so soon after moving schools it may not be a big issue. I would be more worried about the behaviour issues and what’s causing them? It sounds like he’s just unsettled from moving and may just need a bit of extra help to settle in.

Talk to the school, it may not be as bad as you think.

I have 2 dc’s, on is well above expected age level and one is well below (in most subjects) but it’s not a huge worry to me, their happiness is my main concern and their behaviour indicates wether they are happy or not.

I've just seen that you've said he's six and has a disability; milestones and suggested attainment levels are different by subject. If he has a disability, can the associated disability charity help you with links at all? Or is it the elder child that has the diagnosed disability or condition? If he's a sibling, Family Fund did a bit of research on this a few years ago, www.familyfund.org.uk/news/new-siblings-report

I'm also presuming you're in England; have a look at www.fundamentallychildren.com/child-development-advice-including-special-needs/key-stage-1/ and www.gov.uk/government/publications/national-curriculum-in-england-framework-for-key-stages-1-to-4/the-national-curriculum-in-england-framework-for-key-stages-1-to-4 - yes, that really is the link, sorry.

I'm sure you already know a lot of this, but there are some good links at contact.org.uk/advice-and-support/education-learning/extra-support-in-mainstream-schools/

As others have said, speak to his class teacher to say you need help/he needs help and what's available; what the school can provide; what the local authority can provide; if necessary, what the local healthcare provider can offer (maybe ask your GP first?).

Also agree with other posters' comments on getting his hearing, eyesight etc re-tested and if you can, maybe looking into something like Beavers or being around animals or something that isn't exclusively academic but a bit more rounded. I think there was great advice earlier about finding something he likes doing and helping him to do that, whatever it is; or if there's a story character he can relate to or something.

Also maybe look at some of the research on different kinds of intelligence? While not everyone agrees that there ARE different kinds of intelligence, exactly, it can help to think outside the box, as it were.

You've mentioned the recent move; in general in life I think we are all expected now to deal with such incredible amounts of change, every day, that it's a wonder society and individuals keep functioning at all, sometimes!

Hoping you get it as resolved as it can be.

MrsPear this is the age that various difficulties start to present. Behaviours that were acceptable as a toddler/pre-schooler but haven’t been grown out of, starting to mark your child out as struggling or a little different, while the majority of their peers seem to be maturing into conforming to the school routine etc.

What you describe and what the report might indicate are problems with vision, hearing, learning (dyslexia) or development such as types of ADD/ADHD. If he’s had his eyes and ears checked, it might be worth asking for an Educational Psychology assessment?

You have my sympathies -it’s tough parenting a child who gets the eye-rolls from everyone else and is seen as the naughty one. Getting an idea of a diagnosis can really help with strategies and even just feeling more patient or sympathetic (rather than angry).

Some great ideas from more experienced/knowledgeable than me upthread

sending you a hug.

I wouldn't worry about the phonics test - mine failed that but passed in next year.

I would be wondering why when you asked frequently the report comments are a surprise - they should have said about his behaviour etc before.

I have a non focussed boy - I wonder if he is dyslexic - he was really behind from reception onwards - not helped by being in a very achieving class - however as he has got older his lack of focus (to me) drives me mad sometimes but when he has to he has focussed, applied himself & worked well - so much so that out of the 12 boys in his class he is 1 of the 3 to pass his 11+ - I never thought he would. A few years & a particularly inspiring teacher in Year 5 have reaped rewards

As well as considering dyslexia you may want to ask the SENCO if they think working memory/auditory processing would be worth looking at.

My DS used to zone out regularly and struggled in the early years at school. I got him a private tutor and they suggested that working memory might be an issue. I got an independent Ed Psych report which confirmed the issue. Based on the recommendations in the report school has put some different strategies in place to help him and his school work and confidence have both improved.

Skimmed through but has he had his eyes/hearing tested recently? If they’re more academic and he’s struggling to see he will switch off

Talk to the school. If you work together on this it will be a lot easier, and hopefully they will have some good strategies to get to the root of the problem.

And you've not been called in to the school before now. I'd be questioning that, tbh. Its July if my child had been struggling this whole school year.
I'd want to know as early as possible.

Ask for a meeting and point out to them that you have asked numerous times on how your son is coping, and now feel that you have been fobbed off by what has been written in the school report. Ask if there is anything that can be done at home to bring up in line of what will be expected from him when he gets into ks2 in Sept. Good luck. X

I won’t rehash what a lot of others have already said, and your plan to discuss with the SENCo sounds like a good idea.

I agree on the key point that if they've been saying “He’s fine”, it should have been raised sooner if he is struggling in class or acting up in any way. So far from your posts the school doesn’t come across as supportive/nurturing as one might like to see for this age range.

As for your son, as hard as it might be try not to worry. One of my sons has also just had his end of year report for Y1, and he has diagnosed SEN (in a mainstream school, with support). His report shows that he isn’t working at the expected level but that he is making progress towards it. The free text from the teacher however is glowing - about the progress he is making, his developing confidence, starting to work with others. It doesn’t really matter that he isn’t hitting the markers at 6yo, what does matter is that he is making progress and being supported well at school to thrive.

This to me looks like the biggest difference between an experience like mine and how you must be feeling. It seems like you haven’t been given much info or support, from school and also your DP, and it’s obviously been a big time of change and upheaval and you have another child who is disabled requiring your support as well. So it’s an unsurprising that there’s a lot on your plate, and that your son may be struggling with all of this (and may also potentially have undiagnosed SEN like others have mentioned).

Does your other child access any SEND services locally? Are you familiar with your area’s local offer? Would you be able to approach local services for access to support? For example, it was through DC1’s diagnosis that we found it easier to access things like a CAMHS referral for DC2 as we already knew who to speak to (DC2 now also diagnosed), and also support from Disabled Children’s Services.

It could be worth getting a hearing test, glue ear can cause some of the issues you are describing (when hearing is poor children can retreat and act out).

Hi OP ..I tend to agree with a previous poster about love bombing your son....I think reading your post this speaks more of yur son having gone through a big change with the house move...we expect so much of our kids and expect them to cope as we would but if all he has known in his life he has to have left behind its bound to make him feel insecure.If he is unsettled or insecure this will come out the only way he knows to express it.He will feel safe at school to express how and what he cant tell you if you get my drift.I had similar many years ago and it was such daft things that got us through it...it was as simple as letting my son choose his own wall paper and bedding for his new room at the new house....tiny steps but major improvements in his behaviour...the stuf he chose gave him the security he needed...another thing tht helped was a pet....in our case a fish or two...but they came to live with us at the new house...he looked after them as much as you can two goldfish but they were new to the house like him and it shifted his focus on making them feel welcome like part of the family....daft I know but it all helped...so been sort of where you are now and you feel so helpless but you will find a way....best wishes sent

The 'expected standard' is higher than it was 5 years ago and bear in mind there is a huge difference between just missing it and being a long way from it. Find out gaps from the school but be weary of sitting him down for hours of study to catch up. As others have said on here, in many other countries formal school doesn't start until 7. Children learn far more through play and talking. I'd think carefully if this is the right time for a tutor.

Phonics is one approach to reading but is dropped as children become more confident readers. Reading never even used to be taught through phonics. Because he didnt pass, the test school will probably massively focus on it with him as he'll have to resit it next year. I would not worry too much about it and instead try and nurture a love of books at home. Reading to him is just as important, it will really help his language and comprehension skills and is a great bonding activity. Nothing worse than putting kids off reading with a set of flash cards. Reading will come, but losing enjoyment for books will do more damage long term. Find some silly rude books that most boys love and spend 10 mins a day looking at them.

Behaviour is the biggest barrier to learning so find out from school what is going on and ask them to advise. Is he easily distracted? A class clown? Or does he not take direction from adults? If hes struggling academically, the behaviour could be his way of covering up what he cant do.

If you're committed to helping him and listening to him and the school it will be ok! It's a tricky age!

He's tiny. I thought this was going to be about a secondary child. The old 'in other countries he wouldn't even be in school' is a bit tired, but no less true for it. I'm not saying ignore the issues there clearly are, but I, like others, would be asking some questions of the school. He does sound like he's been through a lot. Just think how hard even adults find it to process disruption and change.

Hi, Just wanted to say, all the research shows that the best thing you can do for kids is to shower them with affection. You're doing that by cuddling him and reading to him each night, so you're a good Mum. So, keep up with that and just concentrate on things that he enjoys.

In Ireland there is only testing at maybe aged 8 and age 11.
They don't really know much about them. As in the children don't appear to know that they're having a test at all. You then get their percentile score (for the country I think?)
Parents aren't warned about it nor are children.

It has no bearing on anything (or hadn't with my dd).

TBH, my only aim in life for my dd is for her to be happy and successful in life. I scored top of the class all through school and it didn't get me anywhere.

Once your child is happy on the whole, I really wouldn't worry too much.

MN has a lot of Mums of high achievers posting. Most of us have average children.

My dc really enjoyed short bursts of flashcards! Along with normal books and they really helped him.

When a child is struggling it's good to open up all avenues, ops son may really prefer short one word cards than endless words he can't read yet...

Op I have similar child, and it's important to know what they can't understand.

It could be a blip, could be something else.

Love bomb, lots of fun quality time... Come at Reading from different angle, bribe, magazine, flash cards, comic strips...

See how that goes along side the other stuff.

he’s 6 and failing
No op, he’s struggling, there’s a difference. Please don’t put so much pressure on such a small child, there are a million ways to succeed

You absolutely must praise the positive, or you'll make it worse. Also, lack of friends is a big issue for their concentration, as they have to be comfortable with peers in order to start to learn. Can you invite people?

My year 1 ds also got below expected levels across the board. When I approached his teacher about what I thought was a terrible report to ask what I could do to help him she was genuinely shocked I thought the report was bad: apparently he scored just below expected and there’s a huge jump from reception to year one so lots of kids do. She’s confident he’ll be on target or ahead by the end of y2 (less progress is expected in that year for scoring) but said the change in learning style just took a little longer to click (particularly phonics given he needed salt at the start of the year).
Talk to your teacher in the first instance and see how he’s doing in terms of progress from his start point and find out how you can help. I’d also get their advice on behaviour and use the holidays to arrange some play dates with one or 2 of his classmates.