‘Adult’ stuff you just can’t do

[EmilyDeservedBetter]

I’ve managed to reach the grand old age of 30 and still, no matter how much I try I cannot:

• keep white towels white! All my other white linen and clothes etc. stay white but the towels also seem to look so scruffy after a few washes. Therefore we are only allowed dark towels in this house.

• sew. I’ve tried and tried. Had dm sit me down to show me, followed YouTube videos, tried online reading. Nope - if I had to save my own life attaching a button to a piece of clothing I would be done for.

• command with my voice. Growing up dm used to be able to stop me in my tracks with a firm ‘no’ this is not a talent she has passed on. I can’t even get the bloody in laws dog to leave a room so no chance with my DC when they grow up

What ‘adult’ things can you just not do?

I can't make an omelette. It turns into scrambled eggs every single time.
My mum has to repot plants for me, when I do it they die off!

Understand my mortgage or pension

oh and paperwork.... it's all stuffed in drawers over the house. I even bought folder thingies and posh drawers once.. I can't adult things like that!

I cannot suffer a fool. If I don't like you, you know. I can't be the person who makes small talk with someone who annoys them

Thankfully there's only three people on the shit list atm. It does take a lot to reach that stage...

That's funny because sometimes when I make scrambled eggs they end up like omelette! You pour the beaten eggs into a greased pan and leave them to cook - how can it go wrong?!

I was praying I'd read this and find someone in my club. I can't blow my nose. Nothing physically stopping me, just not enough power and nothing happens.

I can’t:

Drive into spaces and park in a straight line
Concentrate on important financial things
Swim
Book a holiday
Barbecue food
Understand how Yo Sushi works
Cope with ordering food in a canteen type restaurant

Here are things I learnt to do as a child but have now totally forgotten:

Knit
Crochet
Macramé
Play chess
The scoring system in tennis
(And more recently) loom band weaving

Can't swim, can't walk in high heels, can't ring up and order a takeaway to get delivered, can't touch an uncooked chicken

Ride a bike. Swim.

I am very well aware that this is completely pathetic and I am not proud of myself.

Understand the rules of the game of tennis or cricket indeed ANY sport.

Housework. Bane of my life.

Wrap the wire around Henry type hoovers

Wouldn't work for everyone but we fitted self-adhesive plastic hooks or velcro strips to a number of appliances to make it easier to wrap cables around and to keep them in place.

One of my (many) personal adult failings is a complete inability to put up my hair and have it stay put.

There are lots of skills I haven't been able to learn (sew, cook, DIY, etc.) that I don't think are necessarily to do with being adult enough.
I think I might have some kind of mental block of never having been explicitly allowed to do certain things by my parents though, for example starting a fire and driving.

I cannot crochet to save my life, nor fry an egg so that it still looks like an egg.

I’m surprised at how many people cannot swim - (not to be rude) maybe because my dad had a massive thing about making sure my siblings and I could all swim from a young age. He was also obsessed with telling us all about when to know your limits with water etc, so he did have ‘water issues’ shall we say?

I'm nearly 45 and have taught myself this year to drink tea - 'cos it's what grown up do isn't it!

I now like English breakfast tea but have to have it with 2, ok maybe 3, sugars and lots of milk.

I will never drink coffee. Ever.

Sew, Iron.

My main fuck up despite attempts is making an omelette. I just cant do it.

It took me 30 years just to be able to make good pancakes.

See, I can sew well, I can cook, I can change a tyre and do DIY, I can make small talk, etc. etc.

But I am sent into a total incoherent panic by basic admin. Until a few weeks ago, I didn't have a passport, birth certificate, or NI card (try getting a job/setting up a bank account without any of those). I regularly lose the details to let me into my bank accounts. I renewed my driving licence and lost it within days. Every time I apply for a job I panic about the details. I've applied for replacement qualification certificates multiple times.

I swear, I am not an idiot, but this stuff just eludes me. It's horrible. I would really, seriously like to know how people manage it and what to do to cope better.

I can't drink wine.
No matter how many times it just burns my throat and tastes like vinegar.

Make up and hair. I always thought that by the time I was 40 I'd just know how to do make up properly and have my hair under control. Now way past 40 and still clueless.

@BabyAlexander

I can't blow my nose. Nothing physically stopping me, just not enough power and nothing happens

You could try my technique. Put thumbs over ears to form a pressure seal, then hold index finger over one nostril at a time then blow into tissue. I would advise doing this when you are alone as my Dh finds it hysterically funny when I do this.

Cannot understand most things IT related - due to a complete lack of interest (but increasingly problematic these days)

Awful at cooking

So two majorly important life skills these days really!

@gamerchick I'm the same, don't drink any hot drinks. Just don't get it!

Fold stuff neatly, drive on the ‘wrong’ side of the road when abroad, crochet or knit.

Wear lipstick or mascara.

Mow the lawn or wash the car regularly.

I can knit and use clingfilm though!

Left and right are a bit dodgy tbh...