Can someone explain sugar daddies to me

[Progress2019]

I think I must be missing something. It seems very wrong, and sick to me. My daughters friend has a sugar daddy that she sees twice a month. She met by him contacting her on social media (instagram I think). I presume she must have had something on there that made him think she’d do it, but I don’t know.

Its been going on a while, and involves large sums of money in return for sex acts, but not actual sex. In the beginning she wanted friends there for her own safety. My daughter and another girl went once (not watching, but there). Daughter said he was nice, and polite, but that it was vile. Hes 60.

Last night he asked in advance if she’d have sex with him for three times the money. She agreed and it happened. My daughter met her later and the girl is ok.

Im horrified by this, and I feel I have three options

• Leave it alone. Not my circus etc (but what if something bad happens)

• Tell the police and let them contact her parents

• Find her parents myself. Ive never met them, my husbands taken her home before and met them. He said they live in an expensive area, and were cool, although not exactly rude to him. Hed picked them up after my daughter rang him in a panic because the girl was fighting.

I asked my sensible friend what she thought I should do, and she says its normal nowadays, and that her daughter was interested in it (beautiful girl, with good job and boyfriend).

I feel like ive been living under a rock or something. Am I massively over reacting?

Ive written this post so many times, i’m genuinely worried. Please don’t be horrible to me.

Hi Op
This is CSE as the girl is under 18 and being exploited. Please call your local MASH and report this, it can be done anonymously if you don't want to get involved.

It is Child Sexual Exploitation. It is s crime and in your shoes I would contact the police or NSPCC for advice.

It is so clear from this thread why so many sexual predators still get away with what they do. A child can not be a prostitute they are sexually exploited.

As for the 'Non of your business' comment, I honestly despair!

There's a documentary on bbc iPlayer at the moment, it's a bit seedy certainly bordering on prostitution but if they are over 16 no law has been broken, an older gentleman can give money to a younger person (called an "arrangement") completely legally. Talk to your daughter about how uncomfortable you are but it's not your business to go any further. I know 2 young women who did this, the men were "boyfriends" but a massive age gap and certainly they were not lookers! Women do this quite often, compromising for money let's say, it's just one step further.

I really would avoid telling her parents and instead report it to either school or your local area MASH/LADO. You can do that anonymously if you want I think. On the basis of what you have said it is entirely possible that her family may not react positively and could indeed be part of her problems such as early abuse. They may not respond in the 'normal' concerned way that you yourself would respond if you were approached. Having worked with young people with some involvement in this area the 'sit back and watch' approach is not going to help either her or your daughter. There are often young people I work with where this kind of thing is indicative of a wider network of problems and issues and unless it is caught by someone early things may only get worse for this girl. 17 is young and it is unlikely that someone of this age has the wherewithal to realise the exploitative nature of what is happening to her here. The fact that the man is trying to involve her friends is very concerning and by saying nothing I think you are leaving him to prey on others. From an educational point of view I do know these teams count age 17 as within their jurisdiction.

This is grim. The self harm and violence afterward point to her possibly being abused earlier in her life. It may not have been her father but it could have been an uncle, teacher, aunt, etc. I’d report to the school and non-police authorities first to get an idea of next steps. Then I’d report to the police and have them contact the parents directly. I have a feeling the parents may be hiding something, whether they knew about previous abuse and turned a blind eye, etc. :(

OP is there a reason your DD doesn't have many friends? Could you get her to join something or go somewhere where she might make new friends?

If she's under 18 it's child sexual exploitation. You have to be over 18 to legally do any kind of sex work. Report him to the police

Agree with 369. I can't believe some of the responses I've read on this thread. As the only adult who knows this is going on op, you have an obligation to report it.

It does need reporting. She is being groomed for sexual acts. That may be the sum of the situation in itself, or may leave her very vulnerable to further exploitation by this man or others in the future. This is not a genuinely consensual relationship within peers.

A teacher/ college tutor finding this situation out is legally and professionally obliged to pass this information on through their safeguarding procedures.

Report it and encourage your DD to distance herself as she is at risk from being drawn in.

This is so difficult. It's awful to think of a 17 year old in this position. She's so young and sounds vulnerable. Do you know much about her parents and how they're likely to react of you tell them? If they're the sort who would go mad and throw her out, you could do more harm than good. Are the girls at college? If so, I think I would speak to someone there. Their safeguarding lead will be trained on what to do in this sort of scenario.

This is incredibly sad. I'd say speak to NSPCC for advice too. It's quite a burden for dd to talk to the parents considering you don't know how they'll react. If I were you, I'd speak to them but check what NSPCC say first & good luck

Agree with the people saying it's shocking how many are saying they see no problem here/ keep out of it.

I wonder if it was a17yo boy who was being paid to perform sex acts on a60 yo man they would be cool with it. My guess is they will claim yes but in real life would be able to see that as abusive in a way that for girls, one they're over about 13 or 14, in our society, people don't. Girls post puberty are painted as knowing, deliberately using their sexuality, temptress types. They 'know what they're doing'. Man recently convicted of sexual contact with a 12 yo was described by lots of mn as having been her victim...

Threads like these are so depressing. This girl is unstable. She obviously has issues. She is 17. That is so young. She is beinv paidc for sex with a 60 yo and self harms afterwards. Tbh agreeing to perform these acts could be a form of self harm.

What does mn say? 17 is old enough, i can't see a problem. There's nothing wrong with this picture.

I also think that she's wildly exaggerating how much she's getting paid. It just ramps up the drama and, in her own mind, 'she's worth it.'

£3,000 is a lot of money for sex with an amateur sex worker. Was she paid to dress/act a lot younger ? This is in light of a thread about paedophiles making sexually explicit remarks to random ten/11/12/13/14/15/16 + age year old girls and young women.

If she's been abused and bribed, it won't be the first time she's been paid for sex/sexual acts.

Ramps up the drama?

Assume you see the self harming that way as well.

She's 17 and you assume she has been sling sex for some time, no appatently issue with that.

The lovely comments continue...

No wonder uk girls are having mental health crisis even women don't give a shit

The more I think about it the more I think her parents aren't the way to go - they've not exactly done a great job so far!

So get advice from police, nspcc, ss and similar I think is better.

@stucknoue you really need to rtft this IS illegal because she's under 18, the age of consent for relationship sex is lower than for paid sex.

Appalled at all those saying "none of your business" and similar.

The exploitation and abuse of girls and women is ALL of our business.

MenuPlant - your post is spot on!

I've read the whole thread and have come to the conclusion that the op cannot do anything that will help. If she tells the parents, their daughter is likely to say she was only making up a story for entertainment and to wind up her friend. The self harming and outbursts are worrying but surely the parents have some inkling about them.

Then there's the situation of her telling your daughter and she telling you. When a story is told third hand it loses credibility. Also breach of confidentiality which someone like her would take very hard.

I wonder if that girl has some mental health problems evidenced by her OTT, devil may care, behaviour.

Doubt theNSPCC would do anything, nor police, as girl is 17 & maybe coming up to 18. They have neither the time nor resources,the most they would do is have a word with her and she'd likely tell them a different story.

I hope your daughter becomes a more distant friend from now on. All this is too complicated for her to cope with.

I’m wondering if this will be in the Dilatory Mail tomorrow.