Can someone explain sugar daddies to me

[Progress2019]

I think I must be missing something. It seems very wrong, and sick to me. My daughters friend has a sugar daddy that she sees twice a month. She met by him contacting her on social media (instagram I think). I presume she must have had something on there that made him think she’d do it, but I don’t know.

Its been going on a while, and involves large sums of money in return for sex acts, but not actual sex. In the beginning she wanted friends there for her own safety. My daughter and another girl went once (not watching, but there). Daughter said he was nice, and polite, but that it was vile. Hes 60.

Last night he asked in advance if she’d have sex with him for three times the money. She agreed and it happened. My daughter met her later and the girl is ok.

Im horrified by this, and I feel I have three options

• Leave it alone. Not my circus etc (but what if something bad happens)

• Tell the police and let them contact her parents

• Find her parents myself. Ive never met them, my husbands taken her home before and met them. He said they live in an expensive area, and were cool, although not exactly rude to him. Hed picked them up after my daughter rang him in a panic because the girl was fighting.

I asked my sensible friend what she thought I should do, and she says its normal nowadays, and that her daughter was interested in it (beautiful girl, with good job and boyfriend).

I feel like ive been living under a rock or something. Am I massively over reacting?

Ive written this post so many times, i’m genuinely worried. Please don’t be horrible to me.

If your daughters friend is over 16 then there is nothing anyone can do.
IMO it is a form of prostitution. There is a documentary on it on BBC Iplayer.

I'd leave it, she's not your daughter and she's consenting.

Based on the BBC documentary and shat the odd friends have said; what the girl is doing isn’t classed as being a sugar relationship - a sugar is like usually not expecting or demanding any sexual act as part of the agreement. If a sugar develops into sexual, usually no extra payment takes place as it’s then more dodgy in the girls view.

Think of it as if it’s an escort service but renamed.

Depending on her age - if she’s over 18 then there’s no real need to inform her parents. It’s her body and I’m sure most 18 year olds have made questionable choices. The most I’d do is try to talk to my own daughter to see if it’s something she would consider and why I’d not recommend it. Being paid to be spoilt with holidays and designer gifts can be highly attractive to some girls, and for some there is no sex involved but I’d assume that percentage is lower rather than higher.

Unless she's underage I'd leave it. I agree, its prostitution - which usually involves exploitation of the vulnerable by the more powerful / older / wealthier. A young impressionable girl with little self esteem can easily be taken advantage of in exchange for large sums of money. It is sick, but if she's over 16 and consensual then there's not a great deal you can do

How old is she? That’s the hugely relevant part left out.

If she's over 16 then not much you can do - it's "escorting" for the insta era

Shes 17. My daughter is 18. I don’t think shes mentally very stable, but I do understand its not my problem. Its a lot of money. £1000 for the initial stuff. £3000 last night.

it involves large sums of money in return for sex acts
Last night he asked in advance if she’d have sex with him for three times the money. She agreed and it happened.

Sugar Daddy = Posh name for a prostitute's punter.

Your DD's friend is a prostitute. I would strongly encourage your DD to distance herself from this 'friend'.

Yes it doesn't matter what terminology is being used. If you are having sex for money, that's prostitution

A Sugar Daddy tends to be exclusive, a kind of relationship but paid for and with gifts (jewellery, nice clothes etc.) unlike an escort type arrangement.

The name is due to the fact that the man is a fair bit older than the woman.It is an old fashioned term.

If sex takes place then yes it is still a business arrangement but often there is actual fondness rather than getting dressed and buggering off home.

A bit like mail order brides I suppose, or even marrying a rich older man for money.

Definitely prostitution rather than sugar if she’s only paid for acts / sex!

I’d honestly think your daughter needs to disassociate- you can mention your concerned to her mum about the company she’s been keeping but surely she realises the girls been out all night?

Sugar daddy = creepy old man who thinks he can buy a woman (or girl in this case).

She sounds very vulnerable, both her age and mental health make me think that. She was physically ok this time, but that's not guaranteed.

He sounds like a fucking prick.

I think a sugar daddy arrangement is the same as what in the old days was a 'kept woman'?

I'd be contacting her parents to tell them.

She's vulnerable and being exploited and that needs to be dealt with.

It's also illegal as she's under 18, making it not prostitution but child sexual abuse and exploitation so potentially you could also inform the police.

I'd also be educating my own dd about all this - in fact I'm surprised they aren't already aware. Do you discuss such issues with her generally?

The BBC documentary Sugar Baby Dating was very interesting, OP. The main point is that whilst the setup is ostensibly wealthy man making young woman's life sweeter by buying her expensive gifts and taking her to swish places, the reality is that almost all the females involved are actually sex workers. Quite thought provoking. I'm not sure whether it'll help you with your dilemma, but your daughter might benefit from seeing it.

No one's said talk to the girl herself. I might so that. Explain that when you sell your soul, you lose far more than the cash you gain.

Sugar daddies are more complex than just punters. They might make you beg for your new phone for example. This one is 17, very young and that might make him sweeter on her. Yuck. Many working girls prefer straight up sex as sugar daddies can become difficult.
(I've worked in the arena with this client group for charities.)

The BBC documentary Sugar Baby Dating was very interesting

Yep. It was. The girls were being, 'bought' effectively. They were little more than child prostitutes i.e. 16/17 years old.

Blokes, 'sugar daddies' ALWAYS push for sex. No money has changed hands because it's not prostitution - apparently. So these guys think they're getting sex for trinkets or a meal.

They are cheap bastards who don't want to pay the going rate for a professional sex worker i.e a hundred quid minimum per session or what ever it is.

However, - £3,000 for sex. Blimey !

It doesn't surprise me that he's gradually upped the ante. It's what they are like.

A 'sugar daddy' is usually someone who takes care of you, financially and otherwise, is kind and dependable - and adoring. It's not all about sex.

What your daughter's friend has is different, it's a sexual relationship where money changes hand.

This is not a ‘sugar daddy’ this is child sexual exploitation. Disgusting dirty old man!

I’d contact NSPCC for advice

www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/child-sexual-exploitation/

I’ve met quite a few of these girls and they are more than happy with this business arrangement. They get diamonds, beautiful clothes and go on holidays around the world and dine in fantastic restaurants. They get given cars and are often housed in beautifully furnished apartments.

The generosity of the sugar daddy will sometimes extend to the girls family and her parents may be financially assisted and in some instances even a discreet boyfriend is tolerated.

It’s an arrangement that has been going on between the rich and old and the young and attractive, for centuries.

Not something I particularly condone and the women are usually hardened but no exactly what they want and how to get it.

It’s a mutually agreeable relationship for many so not something I am bothered by but not people I would want to be close to.

No doubt your daughter is impressed and repulsed in equal measures but hopefully will be guided by your moral compass and steer clear.

Sorry I only just caught up with that she is only 17. That is a shame and hopefully she will get herself out of that situation.

The ones I have met are older but pretend to be younger!

Just spoken to my daughter, she’s obviously very very concerned. The man has said next time can she (her friend, not my daughter, just to get this straight), massage his prostate? I’m not googling what that is, but I’m guessing, and I want to vomit. It seems to me it could get more and more degrading and disgusting.

Daughter also admitted that her friend threw daughters brand new iPhone (bought outright by us for her birthday) and cracked the screen. Daughter was upset, but her friend laughed and said she’ll get her another one. Teenagers with too much money is never a good thing.

I’ll be honest, one of my reasons for getting involved (police or her parents), is because if something awful happens, and it could, it would affect the rest of MY daughters life. In other words I’m being really really selfish. Obviously I’m worried about the girl too, very much.

Daughter had distanced herself after other huge dramas (shoplifting, fights, and giving a boy they’d both just met oral sex in McDonald’s), but she feels she has to be there for her.

I don’t really want to approach the girl, although I would if I had to. She’s very very aggressive. She hit my daughters head on a radiator a few weeks ago and she had a huge bump. I’m not scared of her, but she’s not going to listen to me.

Soola, apparently she’s told him she’s 18, so maybe it’s not his fault, but even so it’s disgusting.