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Original poster

Can someone explain sugar daddies to me

92 replies

Progress2019 · 06/07/2019 19:49

I think I must be missing something. It seems very wrong, and sick to me. My daughters friend has a sugar daddy that she sees twice a month. She met by him contacting her on social media (instagram I think). I presume she must have had something on there that made him think she’d do it, but I don’t know.

Its been going on a while, and involves large sums of money in return for sex acts, but not actual sex. In the beginning she wanted friends there for her own safety. My daughter and another girl went once (not watching, but there). Daughter said he was nice, and polite, but that it was vile. Hes 60.

Last night he asked in advance if she’d have sex with him for three times the money. She agreed and it happened. My daughter met her later and the girl is ok.

Im horrified by this, and I feel I have three options

  • Leave it alone. Not my circus etc (but what if something bad happens)
  • Tell the police and let them contact her parents
  • Find her parents myself. Ive never met them, my husbands taken her home before and met them. He said they live in an expensive area, and were cool, although not exactly rude to him. Hed picked them up after my daughter rang him in a panic because the girl was fighting.

I asked my sensible friend what she thought I should do, and she says its normal nowadays, and that her daughter was interested in it (beautiful girl, with good job and boyfriend).

I feel like ive been living under a rock or something. Am I massively over reacting?

Ive written this post so many times, i’m genuinely worried. Please don’t be horrible to me.

OP posts:
pallisers · 06/07/2019 23:33

Tread carefully if you’re considering telling her parents. They could find the whole matter too unsavoury to contemplate and simply cut her off and kick her out, leaving her 100x more vulnerable than she already is.

Or they might support her to make better choices. In what world is it better for parents to NOT know their daughter had decided to prostitute herself at age 17?

User10fuckingmillion · 06/07/2019 23:34

Pretty sure prostate massage issticking a finger up the bum?

Either way, the whole thing is so grim and she sounds unstable. Its all well and good people saying ‘it’s her choice, she gets paid’ and obviously there’s nothing you can do but it’s all so soulless and depressing

MenuPlant · 06/07/2019 23:36

Lakefront you are OK with 16 yo in sex industry that is stated earlier.

What country are you in where it is legal to pay for sex with under 18yo?

Graphista · 06/07/2019 23:38

Why is your dd having anything to do with this abusive girl? Why didn't she report the assault and criminal damage?

Your dds boundaries really need massively tightening up. I understand she feels sorry for this girl but it's not for her to fix.

If she is over the age of 16 she's open-minded sexually to what he's asking her and she's consenting

Legally under 18's cannot consent to being prostitutes. That makes it everyone's business and creeps like the excuse of a man involved need dealt with.

I probably have slightly different Viewpoint the most people on this because I do work in the sex industry then you should know the law and NOT be supporting the exploration of particularly vulnerable children.

I would not be at all surprised to learn this girl has long been a victim of abuse including sexual. She needs support to deal with that, not to be further exploited nor to get away with abusing others.

"Lakefront, surely if you work in the sex industry you would be more horrified than most about this kind of exploitation?" Not necessarily lakefront may now be so jaded/abused themselves they no longer understand/acknowledge the negatives.

"Her parents must have an idea" you're assuming they give a shit! Not all do, her father may be her first abuser.

"She doesn’t need the money, her parents are rich and haven’t put her on the streets." Again doesn't mean they're providing her sufficiently with things she needs, or it could be her messed up way of getting validation. Maybe her real father gave her gifts after abusing her - it happens. Mine used to try and buy me off too.

MenuPlant · 06/07/2019 23:38

OP she is self harming after encounters or getting violent. I think it's fair to say she's a bit of a mess and this line of 'work' may be a self harming behaviour in itself.

I've not read the whole thread but she needs help. However, she may not be interested in that message at this point in time.

Graphista · 06/07/2019 23:39

Argh! Not exploration EXPLOITATION of children

FlorencesHunger · 06/07/2019 23:46

As far as legalities go I'm pretty sure it's illegal to go into sex work Inc payed sex for under 18's. It's ick but not anything new I wouldn't get involved unless she was being exploited more to her detriment.

Lakefront · 06/07/2019 23:58

I can asure you i havent been abused or am I jaded. Im a pretty ordinary mid 40's mum of 4. And as I said I would not be happy with a sixteen-year-old doing it but she's not 16.

MenuPlant · 07/07/2019 00:02

"If she is over the age of 16 she's open-minded sexually to what he's asking her and she's consenting I really don't see it's any of your business."

Lakefront which country are you in that it's legal to buy sex from 16 or 17yo?

Lakefront · 07/07/2019 00:14

Okay I'm just going to say this slowly one more time we do not have any 16 or 17 year olds on the books. I was replying to the Ops post I was not making a general statement about sex industry. The o p was asking what she do what should do and I was telling her she should probably mind her own business.

.

Lakefront · 07/07/2019 00:15

Also just to asked if a 17 year old was having sex with somebody and no money was exchanging that would also be Nobody's Business
I also think she's grossly exaggerating nobody makes three thousand for sex

Graphista · 07/07/2019 00:21

You don't need to be so fucking patronising!

The vast majority of people recognise that prostitution is not a healthy, safe "occupation" most prostitutes are abused, trafficked, have been abuse victims in the past, are being exploited, manipulated etc

The "happy hooker" nonsense is just that!

Your inability to see that your perspective is skewed towards recognising this for the EXPLOITATION OF A CHILD that it is says far more about your own ignorance not only of how messed up that is, but also that you're likely in denial about your own circumstances.

Personally I think prostitution is legally sanctioned rape. Bought consent is NOT true consent, and many feel as I do.

Lakefront · 07/07/2019 00:29

And you're entitled to hold that view .as I said I have worked in this industry for very long time and that's not my experience

wheresmymojo · 07/07/2019 01:22

Overtly sexualised behaviour in a girl so young is frightening OP. I suspect she's been abused herself

Erm...what?

'So young?' She's 17. Hmm

I wasn't abused. I willingly lost my virginity at 15 (I initiated it). At 16/17 I was doing much more sexually adventurous things than I do now in my 30's...much more! It was all led by me. I was never abused.

I think this is a different situation as my sexual exploits were with a boyfriend of my own age and no money was changing hands but I think those thinking 17 year olds are so innocent need to wise up a little.

wheresmymojo · 07/07/2019 01:25

...I also don't understand how the police can possibly be involved?

I'm not in any way in favour of the situation or the sad excuse of a man playing 'Sugar Daddy' but there doesn't appear to be a crime?

She's not underage, being paid for sex isn't a crime either.

Personally I would consider messaging her parents but only with the consent of your DD as clearly it will be the end of their friendship. I would do this out of concept for the friends MH and self esteem given the situation she's putting herself in.

MissLadyM · 07/07/2019 01:27

I find it worrying that you're not terrified that your daughter is caught up in and exposed to all this! How do you know she won't be tempted? If you hang out with trash long enough then you start to stink!

Graphista · 07/07/2019 01:30

"She's not underage, being paid for sex isn't a crime either." It IS illegal if the person being paid - whether cash or "in kind" is under 18.

wheresmymojo · 07/07/2019 01:32

Sorry, changing my post. I didn't know it was illegal to pay for sex under 18.

In that case I'd report the guy to the police then if I knew enough to do so and definitely fell the parents.

wheresmymojo · 07/07/2019 01:34

*obviously that's meant to be pay for sex with someone under 18

jay55 · 07/07/2019 02:51

Report the girl to HMRC.

The police don't give a shit about sexually exploited women and girls so I doubt they'd do anything.

Original poster
Progress2019 · 07/07/2019 06:17

To be honest, I didn’t expect the police to do anything like arrest or punish. I just thought the parents might listen to them.

My relationship with my daughter IS a concern. At the moment I hear everything, unfiltered, which can be good, bad and so embarrassing, but is better than not hearing anything.

I don’t want her to be friends with this girl at all, to be honest. My daughter doesn’t consider her a close friend, but says she hasn’t got many others.

I wondered about previous sexual abuse too.

I still can’t make up my mind what to do for the best, and in a way I'm glad that everyone’s responses are so mixed, as it means there’s no definitive answer. I think I’m going to see if my daughter will speak to her friends parents. This was my older daughters idea, and I think it’s a good one. They’ve met her, and it’s more likely to look as though she’s telling them out of genuine caring rather than thinking I’m judging.

OP posts:
Hobsbawm · 07/07/2019 07:09

This is sexual exploitation and illegal. I can't believe anyone thinks it's okay to sit back and do nothing. That makes me so sad. A teenage girl is self-harming after prostituting herself to an old man - that's not okay in any way shape or form. It's a poor reflection on our society when an acceptable reaction to this is to just ignore it.

The only questions should be who to tell and how. Personally, I'd ring NSPCC for advice. I'd also want to ring the police. Maybe the police wouldn't do anything but I'd sleep better knowing I'd tried. But, if it were my daughter, I guess that I'd want the other parent to tell me (then I'd be going to the police and trying to refrain from googling how to get hold of illegal shot guns!).

BenWillbondsPants · 07/07/2019 07:20

The o p was asking what she do what should do and I was telling her she should probably mind her own business.

The problem in this country is that too many people mind their own fucking business until it's too late.

Al2O3 · 07/07/2019 07:30

If a 60 year old is paying a 17 year old £3,000 for sex I consider grooming is going on.

I would wonder what is next.

TenAndFive · 07/07/2019 07:44

Progress2019

YABU, it’s none of your business.. she is not your daughter.

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