Does anyone else have no tablets/iPads/screens etc for their children?

[WellErrr]

Mine haven’t had screens, ever. And they won’t be until they can buy their own.
However - as they’re getting older, more and more people are pressuring me to get them. Apparently they need them for educational purposes and to not be the odd one out at school. I don’t agree.

But then I got thinking - I don’t know any other children without them. Is there anyone else out there with screen-free children??

My friends children are 7 and 9 and they have to do homework online and do school apps etc it’s a necessity.
My son isn’t in school but has a tutor and uses the kindle with her.

@Amibeingdaft81 just looked her up...for someone who "barely uses the internet" she seems to spend half her life on here.

@Spooksandchocolatecake. The Op really does seem to spend heck of a lot of time on mumsnet. And I reckon she will have lots of user names floating around

Do whatever works for your family, but don't tell us all about how wonderful not having screens makes you and your children. That's judgemental shit. (that generic and not directed at any individual poster)

Honesty it makes people 'sad' when they see a child with a screen in a public space? Emotive fuckwittery.

This generation are digital natives - they have never known a time without computers and screens and connectivity. It's just the way they are. And the sooner they learn to manage that aspect of their life the better. I'm not suggesting you need to plug your new born into the matrix, but parents do need to think beyond the screens are bad hyperbole.

You only need to read a bit of gothic literature to get a feel for how technological advances can be seen as detrimental to society. (Frankenstein - fear of medical advancement, electricity etc)

And the urban myth about silicone Valley and screen and children came from Steve Jobs - that wonderful example of a parent who denied the existence of his child.

Previous generations were Tetris - passive users of technology, being fed technology. The current generation are more Minecraft - building, creating and shaping technology.

Sorry but I think you do sound smug. Come back and tell us how it's going when they are all teenagers.

My kids had screens, none of them are over weight, all adults now. One did a sports science degree so I don't think the screen stopped him being active. I found the ones who couldn't discipline themselves with screens were the ones where they were forbidden. Nothing quite so exciting.

@WellErrr I just wanted to say good on you! I commend you for what you are doing. It’s not easy to stick to your guns when the wave of current thought is against you and criticising you.

Every family and child is different and I am sure screens/tablets can be beneficial or even necessary in some setups. But I really think they are overrated in general, and your setup is working fine for you!

I highly doubt your children will be at any sort of disadvantage. They will pick up what they need to.

I think you should just play it by ear, but there’s no need for them to have screens for a long time yet! My child is very young still and I don't know what I'll do in the future re: screens.

I am sceptical of the idea that screens are necessary for good learning for the majority of children. I think they reduce attention span, and then become necessary because of the short attention span, as a self-fulfilling prophesy.

I am a former teacher and do not think having iPads and all-singing, all-dancing interactive powerpoints instead of a whiteboard and pen was of much benefit to the children until they got so accustomed to these they struggled to focus without them.

They will pick up computer skills just fine at school, and if they seem to want to be coding geniuses then you could always reevaluate in the same way you might if a child was very skilled at and keen on a particular sport!

For what it's worth, anecdotally, when I was at secondary school, I and the one other child who didn't have a computer at home were the ones who did best in the end of year exams in y10 which were suddenly sprung on us.

I remember the ICT teacher tutting that I didn't have a computer at home (at the start of the first lesson - it wasn't based on my performance), but I can work a computer, touchtype and even do a little coding absolutely fine.

Stick with what works for you!

Oh I wish!!

DS is 10 & DD is 5, and I’m ashamed to say that DS spends most of his time either on his iPad or his Nintendo Switch, DD is just as bad with her iPad, she won’t eat or sleep without it by her side.

I know this is someone else’s thread, but I would be grateful for any suggestions on how to get them out this habit, I’m a sucker when it comes to parenting.

I kept mine off screens until 4, off video/telephone games until 7 and off social media until 12. He is fine, but I agree that they are now essential for education and social interaction. most of DS’ homework and revision is in google classrooms and most of the socialising takes place online (they play and talk for hours in the Xbox/instagram and all “real life” meet ups are arranged through them so I would say that not having access to screens may leave them feeling out of the loop but also with no means of communication to enable a social life away from the screen.

Time change...

Mine are just 3 and 5.

No screens unless we are on a flight but they are now allowed tv for 30 minutes on a Saturday and a sunday.

I employ a large number of summer staff in the 18-25 age bracket. Not letting my children have access to screens is hopefully saving them from themselves.

I firmly believe that screens are the cigarettes of the generation. It will only be in decades time the true damage becomes apparent.

I am a fully fledged smartphone user but take off the Facebook ap from my phone Monday-Friday as I can lose so much time on it.

My MIL tells me that educational aps her other grandchild plays are good and mine are missing out. Personally I prefer to use books, paper and games even though at times I honestly would love to dump them in front of an iPad!

After reading the full thread I’d like to add that both kids have picked up aps/ games within minutes when MIL has allowed them on her other GC iPad whilst minding them!

The thing is, if the majority of the children you see are overweight and passive, you obviously are from a very deprived area. Health and weight are intimately linked to class in the UK. If you want better for your kids, that’s great, but if most children you see are overweight and have screens - it’s not because of the screens.

Not a single kid at my children’s prep is obese. And the majority have (limited) access to every kind of screen you can imagine.

I do sympathise because rural deprivation is so challenging. In my home country farm children are very outdoorsy but also have horrendous, alarmingly high death by farm accident rates. It’s so difficult.

I'm with you OP.
We recently got a TV. My 5yo is allowed to watch it after school and on weekend mornings. He loves it a lot. The 3yo and 1yo are not interested yet.
I don't understand the argument that kids need to get used to tablets. They are idiot proof. It doesn't take much to jab at pictures and swipe your finger across a screen.
My main argument against them is consumerism. We don't need them so why get them? Also the indoor generation, lack of social skills, sitting still... I just think it's bad for your brain to stare at a screen.
The 5yo is about to finish reception and so far his school has not mentioned needing a tablet or computer at home. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

OP - yours are still quite young, so it's easy to be so smug. There will be a time when playmobil won't cut it, and they'll wander further than the garden on their own.

Mine are in secondary school, if they didn't have phones or tablet at home they would find it difficult. They use phones at school to take pics of lesson notes on the whiteboard (as instructed by the teacher). Homework is set through an app, maths revision is all online and they have a leaderboard of who clocks up the most hours. They do lots of homework whch involves researching on the computer. The nearest library is a bus ride away.
Of course I impose restrictions on time but a blanket ban would make their life a lot harder.

Come back when they're 15 and tell us how much screen time they have.

8 and 5 year old here. They don't have their own tablets, phones or tvs in bedrooms.

Wow @gotmychocolateimgood is this something you know people actually do? I honestly would be gobsmacked if anyone I knew let children so young self regulate by having access to screens 24 hours a day!

I don't get the smug tone of parents who don't allow their kids screens.

I don't know any jobs that don't require use of technology on a daily basis. I'm in retail and use the internet several times an hour and all stores have a tablet too. We have store social media accounts and you need to have at least a basic grasp on technology to work.

I don't know why not allowing your children to use technology (which is a totally normal part of everyday life) is seen as a good thing.

I don't get the smug tone of parents who don't allow their kids screens

Oh I do, they think they’re substantially better parents and want everyone to know it

Crikey the smugness on here.
Both my children (aged 6 and 3 - shock!) use the ipad. My son watches bear grylls, Steve backshall and also crap like share the love and Ryan's toy review. My daughter watches eggs being opened and cbeebies.
They're not overweight. They love to spend time out in the garden, have brilliant imaginations and love lego, playmobil playing hide and seek etc.
Sometimes they have it for educational reasons, sometimes because my son has additional needs and I need a break. And sometimes because I just want some peace and quiet!

I know this is someone else’s thread, but I would be grateful for any suggestions on how to get them out this habit, I’m a sucker when it comes to parenting

My basic rules have always been no gadgets after dinner and they stay downstairs overnight. And I followed the rules too until my alarm clock broke and I didn’t replace it.

Any deviation from the rules results in one day ban. Tough it out and don’t give in to the complaining.

Mine are teens so I’m a bit more relaxed now as I think they need to learn to moderate. But I have no hesitation in removing phones/WiFi if I think it’s getting too much.

What happens when you children go to friends houses and they have devices?

We've had to chat to our DD about Roblox and have actually allowed her to play under supervision both with and without parental controls (she sits next to me or DH if parental controls are off which we do occasionally to allow her to play with friends more easily). We didn't really want to do this but when she goes to this friend's house, they play, without parental controls and no parent immediately present. We needed DD to learn about online safety, what's acceptable or not, what to do, why it can be dangerous.

I don't think it needs to be an either all screens or no screens situation. I also think things evolve as your child grows. You can absolutely have well balanced children with lots of skills, who use devices too. Our kids use devices, have good social skills, can sit nicely in restaurants without a device, play board games with us, do crafts and art, imaginative play, play in the garden. They use devices within appropriate limits (I imagine, exactly the same as lots of parents do).

Children don't become inactive, overweight and can't hold a conversation, simply because they use devices.

At 8 & 6, tech time is in frequent but rationed bursts. DS1 has the personality type that would struggle to self regulate as he gets very immersed. Dyspraxia and dyslexia have a major effect on his life so computing will feature more heavily to support his learning than average, he's recommended to learn to touch type because writing is such an ordeal to him. After battling his way through a day at school, immersing himself into a Minecraft world where he has full control to manupilate it is very soothing and relaxing, in the same way that reading and unscrambling the words drifting around the page isn't (and as a bibliophille, I have to live with the fact that reading isn't the effortless escapist joy that it was through my childhood).

Technology is a tool, it's what you do with it that counts, and also what else are you missing out on. My DCs do get some escapist tripe, but also watching youtube videos has often inspired play; we started off with videos about train tracks and Lego in the first place.

We talk about boundaries for the family. Some of DS1's friends are the younger sibling and have access to games that I feel are inapropriate to our younger family and DS grasps that. When multiple children are involved, you may defer for a while on the older one, but the younger one gets access sooner because it is there.

DM shunned the development of technology from the 90s onwards. Now in her 80s, she finds herself increasingly isolated from aspects of the world that assume she has a smart phone and internet access. She misses out on things like me being able to message a photo of the DCs. Falling behind the times is not a great place to be.

Balance is important. We get lots of exercise and outdoor time, structured and casual. They play independently with real toys. They keep up in a technological world too which will be important as it develops. They huff for a few minutes when they have 6+ hours before their next allowence of tech time begins, but often they get so immersed in their box dens or lego building or whatever that they miss the start of their next tech allowence.

It's easy to be smug and strict with young children, the challenge is as they develop their personalities and external influences and need to find their slot in the wider world around them. With a 7 year old, depending on personality that could be soon, then what happens with the younger siblings...

Restaurants in a tech-free childhood involved the greater presence of playgrounds, books or colouring. Just as disengaged as using tech to distract.

I rarely use them in restaurants with my DCs although it has been known when DS1 has sensory overwhelm. It's not my first line of behaviour management though.

My son recently turned four, he doesn’t have his own device but he is allowed to use my ipad for 30 minutes a day (supervised) and 30 minutes of TV a day also supervised.

Ah it's so easy at that age before they have minds and opinions of their own.