My DSs black friend

[SushiTime]

This is going to sound so uneducated of me but if you can't ask on an anonymous forum where can you?

My DS is 5 and his best friend is black. Now, when he sees any other black people (which is rare around here) he says, oh look a "Simon". Let's pretend Simon is his besties name.

Should I really be explaining things to him? And if so, how? Is the word black ok?

It’s a bit worrying that at 5 years old he sees all black people as one entity - does he do this with any of his other non black friends?

Really? Why didn't you correct him the first time and say don't be silly of course that's not Simon?

Next time, just point out the nearest white boy and say "is that a Tom?" (Or whatever your kids name is.) and when he says no mummy don't be silly. You can say, well there's only one Simon, like there's only one Tom. And explain that just because people have the same skin / eye / hair colour, it doesn't make them the same?

Of course you should be explaining it to him. Just say there are lots of skin colours and it would be a bit silly to point to everyone with curly hair/red hair/green eyes and say "there's a DSs name!"

Does your Ds have a learning disability? The only children I know who do this have. Easily stopped with repeated explanation anyway.

@sar302 why didn't I think of that? Good idea 👏.

It has only happened twice but yes, straight explanation should sort it.

Wtaf? Is that a Simon ? And your having to ask on a forum if you should be explaining that that’s not right?
Dumbfounded over here, in answer to your question, you definitely need to talk to your child about differences in people. 5 is not too old considering it’s school age

Is the word black ok?

Well it was ok for you to use it in your thread title and twice more in your opening post...

@GlitchStitch I think it is. But I have no black friends and only know Simon and his family so wanted to make sure.

I knew I'd get slated, not something I'd really want to check with anyone else IRL 🙄

@sushitime ignore all the haters here. This is the perfect place to ask these questions. If you've never been through a situation before it can be hard to know what words to use. Thankfully @sar302 has helped.

Thanks @user1474894224 I knew I would get slated but also knew someone would help me out good old MN!

The other day my 8yo dd (who has asd) asked what religion ‘brown people’ were as she was trying to work out what sweets her TA would be able to eat - she knew Muslims only eat halal sweets. It led to a discussion about labels and individuality etc and not making assumptions based on appearance. Her school is very diverse as well.

My mum having never met a black person growing would comment if she seen someone who was. When she started doing that I would point out white people or say and? I also addressed her racism on the spot. You could start calling all white men Brian.

I meant growing up lol.

I'm not a "hater" but I am astounded to come across such a fundamentally uncomplicated situation. Unless you have lived under a rock for the last decade, having never watched any tv nor read any newspapers and never been online (let alone join up and interact on mumsnet) - how could you still be unaware of how to deal with this? I do wonder how you deal with more complex life issues!

Wtaf. Of course you should correct him!!! At that age, children shouldn’t even be seeing colour. Clearly this has been made to be a “thing” for him. Seriously get your head out of the clouds and teach your child about diversity.

Agree with others who have said it’s perfectly ok to ask the questions you have. Honestly, it’s like a moral high ground pile-on here some days. ‘How can you even need to ask?’ Ask away, and take what’s helpful to you. You’ve done nothing wrong. Sick of the thought police so quick to attack. Sar302’s response sounds perfect.

Probably really struggle

OP, just a bit of reassurance that children come out with these embarrassing things sometimes -

Apparently when I was little, my mum took me into work with her and one of her colleagues spent a bit of time entertaining me. On the way out, I announced loudly, "mummy, I really liked that black lady" - said lady apparently being barely lightly tanned, my mum didn't really know where to put herself or what to say to that! At least I'd said I liked her, I suppose!

I've also known a child march up to a stranger at a bus stop and innocently ask why he had such dark skin. Lovely man answered with a smile, "because God left me in the oven for longer".

Kids say the darndest things, often in all innocence, but an explanation along the lines of that suggested by pp should do it!

Some people here don't seem to realise how incredibly non-diverse some areas can be - I distinctly remember seeing someone with black skin for the very first time when I was at secondary school! When almost everyone you have ever met has something massive - like skin colour - in common, you don't always know how best to deal with difference...

Angry typing there.... but = bit

Next time, just point out the nearest white boy and say "is that a Tom?" (Or whatever your kids name is.) and when he says no mummy don't be silly. You can say, well there's only one Simon, like there's only one Tom. And explain that just because people have the same skin / eye / hair colour, it doesn't make them the same?

you couldnt have said better

For gods sake. 5 years olds aren't racist. It's not a "thing" for him. They're still learning about the world, and to learn, we categorise everything and everyone. It's how our brains cope with the infinite input from the world around us. Learning about diversity comes alongside that, and we learn more about diversity the older we get and the more we see, experience and discuss.

There's an episode of 30 Rock where Alex Baldwin addresses a white woman, saying something along the lines of "I don't see sex or colour Mr Chen". And it's purposefully absurd. Saying "children shouldn't be seeing colour" is just as absurd. Of course children notice differences in others. Noticing that someone is different to you in some way is not racist / sexist etc. Continuing to fail to understand that despite similarities, everyone is different, as that child grows up, becomes a problem - which the OP is trying to avoid.

People should be able to have open, respectful conversations, and particularly with their children, so that population understanding increases all the time. And if someone asks for help around how to do that better, instead of being worried about fumbling through it themselves, then great.

More discussions like this one help educate us all black and white. I remember on my wedding day we were having photos in the park when a little white boy came up and said look mommy a black princess. His mom was mortified and apologised profusely. I could not stop laughing and told her he is 100% accurate. I am black and today I feel like royalty so it's fine. She said but he said black and that's rude. I replied black is not a negative thing it's just the word we use" she said really? Ok. Her son had a photo took with me and off they went. With new knowledge. No offence just good will. Let your boy know he is white and Simon is black and all is well with their friendship.

I am very happy to be called black even tho my skin is golden brown I am proud of my heritage.