My DSs black friend

[SushiTime]

This is going to sound so uneducated of me but if you can't ask on an anonymous forum where can you?

My DS is 5 and his best friend is black. Now, when he sees any other black people (which is rare around here) he says, oh look a "Simon". Let's pretend Simon is his besties name.

Should I really be explaining things to him? And if so, how? Is the word black ok?

Is there really such a huge difference to a child with no real life experience of different ethnicities? Think about it. There are pink and green people on kids TV which are not real, is it really so far-fetched to think that children would automatically know the difference?

And yet they presumably know the difference between Peppa Pig and an actual pig, or between the Paw Patrol pups and actual dogs but can’t be expected to know real people -v- fiction?

I don't think it's the OP who should be ashamed of herself, it's all the people who have rushed to slate her and abuse her for asking a question. I see no evidence that she's thick or trolling - she's just a mum asking how to deal with a parenting situation. Isn't that what MN is supposed to be about?

Sometimes I long for the days when people could ask anything on here and get a sensible, straightforward answer. Now the place is full of people criticising other parents for not knowing everything, and also trying to prove how so-called knowledgable they are in the process.

Not everyone lives in a diverse place. Not everyone has the privilege of wide education. Is it too much to ask for people to support first, and criticise less?

And by the way, OP, I think you're doing fine; you're asking questions and seeking good answers. That's all any of us can do.

Oh flippin 'eck...I would be more concerned if my children had NOT been able to 'see' colour!

Are you really saying your family are unable to notice differences in people's appearances?

It's not 'seeing' the colour of someone's skin that's the problem...it's whether you think about or treat people differently because of their skin colour surely?

Depends, have they ever seen a real life pig or dog? Or had it explicitly explained to them? If no, then no, they may not. I've had five year olds believe that dragons and unicorns are real, and I've had some that thought dinosaurs are fictional like dragons. You can't take knowledge for granted with kids.

Also, using cartoons muddies the waters a bit. In films and TV shows where real life characters become cartoons, they always look different anyway.

@Insieme thank you for restoring my faith in humanity, I didn't think it was that rediculous of a post

Thanks again for the helpful replies x

I think wrt kids commenting on strangers’ race the easiest thing to say is that it’s not polite to talk about how people look at all unless you know them. The black princess bride story is super cute and my DD would totally do that (currently insisting a Dora the Explorer toy is Moana’s friend I feel purely on the basis of skin tone) but if she said ‘a ginger princess’ or ‘a princess with a funny eye’ I’d pull her up on those descriptions too.

I remember a similar discussion about the game Guess Who and race. I no more want DD loudly saying within earshot of the person ‘Look at dat man with the big ears’ than I do ‘Look at dat man with black skin’ no matter how factual the statements are. That game strangely encourages this behaviour

@SushiTime, you're welcome. 🙂

A lot of drama over nothing. Just explain that people have different skintones and not every person with Simons skin tone is Simon. Children aren't PC. They do embarrassing stuff all the time. They'll learn eventually.

I don't see why you've let this ruffle you so much.

I have a fond memory of my son at about 3 stopping in front of a twin buggy, studying the babies and saying, "Look mummy, two babies with one face." I suppose according to some on here I should have taken him to one side, explained about fraternal and identical twins and explained that in fact each twin did indeed have a face albeit identical to the twin sitting next to him.

I think I'd just say something like, "Do you think he looks like Simon?" which makes the point gently that it isn't Simon but also acknowledging that he does have something in common with Simon. No need to make a big deal of it, I mean if a child points at something and says the wrong name that is what most of us do.

Kids absolutely do see colour. At nursery they help them to notice their own physical appearance and how it differs from others. My 2 year old brought home an "all about me" project that had her eye/hair/skin colour written in along with her likes/dislikes etc. One day at pick-up one of the little girls was repeatedly wiping a boy with very dark skin with a wet wipe because she thought he was dirty. Her mother came in after me and looked like she might die on the spot. One of the nursery workers just said don't be silly skin colour doesn't wipe off.

Looooool hahahahaha

Pickles03

@Pogmella I like being referred to as the black princess bride. I also have ginger hair and a funny eye... just playing...
Overall good thread with some refreshing advice and scary realities. Thanks for sharing OP

to PP suggesting OP’s son must have a LD.

I'm surprised nobody has called him a narcissist yet.

Jeez mate, come on.

Is the word black ok? 🙄

My daughter did this. She's 4 and her best friend is a little half African half European boy. At the cinema the other day she saw another little black boy and shouted "Look! That's Saku's brother!!"

I can genuinely confirm that she has never EVER witnessed any kind of racism whatsoever from me or any family members. We do have a very low population of ethnic(?) people in our town but does see them and sees me interact with them as I would anyone else - obviously! - so I genuinely think she just assumes it's how Saku's family look or something? She is awaiting an ASD assessment though I'm not sure if that's relevant or not?

Looks like I need to have a chat with her about diversity!

Ps, I knew right away that a chat about diversity was in order. I'm also shocked OP didn't immediately realise this but not going to flame her. It does catch you off guard, to be fair

When my son was about 4 he was playing with his best friend and they ran past us shouting We are chasing the black boy.
Well me and the friends mum looked at each other at all he same time and decided we would have to have a word - 4 year old friends Dad was Asian. 5 mins later they ran past the other way shouting that the green boy had nearly caught them. And then that the stripy boy was joining their gang. Made me feel weird that that was the first thing we thought of yet it was not something that had crossed the children’s minds.