Good friend stopped using my business but still chatty

[Radyward]

Hi there, we have a landscape company and had sorted her garden before no issues and gave a knock down friends discount iykwim
Just saw she has had some more work done and never approached us etc. I am so hurt and flumoxed over the whole thing. I understand totally people have choice and can do what they want and rightly so! I havent even said it to DH and just trying to formulate it in my head. We have been nothing but good supportive friends the last few yrs. Kids at each other parties etc. AiBU ??? I am sooo annoyed

Maybe she didn't like the previous work and felt awkward about telling you and this was the less confrontational way to approach it. Or she was offered something a bit cheaper?

I wouldn't expect my friends to use my business tbh.

Could it be family related - her nephew for example? And struggled to say no.

She either didn’t like the quality of your work or your knock down discount wasn’t competitative.

Sorry to add. She has always expressed satisfaction with the work we did do
Told us so many people admired it etc so absolutely no reason to think unhappy iykwim ! Its hard because the company is our main source of income and we are self employed which in this scenario outlines the joys of it !

Don’t take it personally. Avoid mixing business & friendships. Your friends shouldn’t feel obliged to use your business.

Maybe she wasn't keen on the work done previously, or got better rates elsewhere.

It's not really any of your business i'm afraid.

Someone very close to me is a hairdresser, but I don't have her do my hair anymore because I found someone who did a better job. End of. They're not obligated to use you.

You are mixing business and pleasure. She can still be your friend while seeking to use other business. It's not a slight on you.

I don’t like using friends. It makes me uncomfortable accepting ‘mates rates’. I’d much rather just pay a stranger full price.

Perhaps she also knows this other company and they are doing a good deal?

Or it simply could be the new company are doing things in a way which really appeals to her. Maybe their design style is something unique to them.

It might be simply that she thought you did a reasonable job but nothing amazing to keep her loyal.

That's true about the discount but i know from the market she got a great deal
Her son has asked us for some work so no issues there . I am so puzzled about it

Yes I agree, she didn't like it or it was too expensive.

She has fully separated your friendship from your business relationship. You'd do well to do the same OP. She's still chatty and friendly. Just go with it.

She has always expressed satisfaction with the work we did do

If she's a friend then it would be pretty hard for her to say she wasn't happy. I think you're wrong to be annoyed. You could ask why she went somewhere else but not in a confrontational way, more because honest feedback would e constructive.

Don't mix business and pleasure - it really doesn't work. You're finding that out here.Tell yourself it's not personal because it's highly likely that it's not. Business is business.

This is why I’d hate to use a friend for anything like this - I’d then feel obliged to use them forever more or hurt their feelings. Easier just to separate it out and go with a neutral third party.

We used a really close friends husband to do loads of work at out house. Were told it would be cheaper than anyone else etc. Turns out the quality was appalling and we didn't pay any less than we would elsewhere, but we couldn't bring ourselves to be honest with her about how terrible it was.
I continued to be chatty and friendly etc but we will never ever use him again for any work. You need to separate work from friendship and accept she doesn't need to use you if she doesn't want to.

Thats very true about the hairdresser scenario. I dont get put out if people we know dont use us not at all ! People have choice and competition is healthy but we are great friends and it feels a bit back stabby

Have any of your other customers since gone on to have work done by a different company? Do you give them headspace?

Would you rather she'd used your company under some sort of feeling of obligation?

Don't take it personally. She probably felt very awkward but obviously has a good reason. Do as she's doing and ignore it. Otherwise you risk losing the friendship.

She's not obliged to use you again however much you need the income. And she doesn't have to explain why. It's a business decision and you shouldn't use your friendship to make her feel awkward about it.

I would never use a friend's business precisely because it can cause awkward situations like this.

I have a really good friend who is a fab hairdresser

She always insists on doing my hair for free or only charges me mates rates

My hair is coloured and highlighted, so I’m not talking a quick trim and I always feel really awkward- she’s running a business and I feel like I’m taking advantage if I go to her so I go elsewhere

Maybe she feels the same?

@Radyward

You feel it's "back sabby"!

Perhaps she would feel it's rather presumptuous of you to feel she must use your business for eternity because you did one job!

A lot of feedback has been food for thought. Tk u all very much. I have been exercising every pm. Clearing my head etc etc. I am delighted when people use us and dont care (usually)if they didnt this time as they may use us again in the future iykwim but this has hit me really hard

Friendship shouldn’t come with strings attached. Separate business and friendship in your head.

God don’t bring it up! Even if you pretend to be nice about it, the undertone will come across that you consider it ‘back stabby.’

I think she probably regrets ever using you initially, I know I would. It’s not wise to mix friendships with business, people have different expectations.

Could she have done the work herself?