Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Good friend stopped using my business but still chatty

92 replies

Radyward · 03/07/2019 13:45

Hi there, we have a landscape company and had sorted her garden before no issues and gave a knock down friends discount iykwim
Just saw she has had some more work done and never approached us etc. I am so hurt and flumoxed over the whole thing. I understand totally people have choice and can do what they want and rightly so! I havent even said it to DH and just trying to formulate it in my head. We have been nothing but good supportive friends the last few yrs. Kids at each other parties etc. AiBU ??? I am sooo annoyed

OP posts:
sunflowersandbutterflies · 03/07/2019 14:47

Oh gosh she either didn't like it, got a better deal or didn't want to use you again for some other reason. She's not obligated to use you.

We had our garden landscaped and used a family member (it is his profession) because DH succumbed to familial pressures to do so. I didn't want to use him because although he's always seemed great at his job I don't like to mix family and money/business.

Looked great initially. Now a while on there are issues with some of the work and it's awkward as hell getting it sorted not to mention the fact that it's going to cause all sorts of rifts/rows if we insist on having it fixed/replaced.

Just leave it OP. She's fine to use other people you're being over sensitive. Maybe she thought she'd use you once to see how she liked what you did, then decided she preferred someone/something else!

TheBossOfMe · 03/07/2019 14:48

If a friend choosing to use someone else rather than you upsets you this much, you should reconsider running your own business IMO.

amusedbush · 03/07/2019 14:49

One of the parent's in my daughters class turned out to be the daughter of my dentist

It could be worse. I went to a beautician and as she had my fanny in one hand and a wax strip in the other, she announced that a colleague of mine is her son Blush

TheCatThatDanced · 03/07/2019 14:50

Mixing business and friendships never works well - I fell out with a hairdresser whom I'd known for over 20 years as she got very sloppy with my hair and also every time I went for a hair appointment I got chapter and verse about how she hated her DH and wanted to divorce him... Eventually ended up not being a client.

It might not be her decision or she may prefer someone else's work. Up to her.

Toooldtocareanymore · 03/07/2019 14:51

I had exactly the same reaction to this posting as @thedevondumpling, I had a good friend used to make me special occasion cakes and chocolate/candy trees but I stopped asking her as I felt i was just taking advantage of our friendship, and I said more than once no that's too little but she wouldn't tell me true price so I felt bad , i'd give her a bottle of wine on top but still I didn't feel it was fair to take up her time when I knew she could take an order for someone else.

CheckingOutTheQuantocks · 03/07/2019 14:56

I've known friendships that have ended when people got involved in business with each other. Even if nothing goes wrong and the standard of work is fine, some people feel really awkward about bringing money into the relationship, and they sometimes feel obliged to accept the service provided when they have actually not been happy with it.

A friend of mine set up a cleaning business and dropped some heavy hints that she was looking to start out by offering mates' rates to her friends. I just said I wasn't looking for a cleaner, and left it at that. I wished her well, but I really didn't want someone I considered to be a good friend literally cleaning up my mess and encountering my stray pubes in the shower! If it was somebody I didn't know, I honestly wouldn't care, but it changes the dynamic between people when one of you is paying the other for a service.

Ratonastick · 03/07/2019 14:59

I hate using friends for this sort of thing. I don’t want them to offer me mates rates discount as I am acutely aware that this is their job and they could be earning full rate from someone else. Plus if anything goes wrong it is difficult to resolve. I would far rather use a third party professional and recommend friends to other people.

MoltonSilver · 03/07/2019 15:00

You're over thinking it. It might have got nothing at all to do with you. Maybe she had someone in thought a different job in the house and while they were there they quoted for the garden. I doubt she realises that you're offended.

IAmAlwaysLikeThis · 03/07/2019 15:03

You need to toughen up if you're in business. You can't go getting hurt at every little thing, there will always be people who choose other businesses for lots of different reasons. And that's ok.

rookiemere · 03/07/2019 15:04

My friend runs a business and does a lot of advertising and promotion on FB and asked us to recommend her recently based on purchases we've made. Now friend is absolutely lovely and I want her to do well, but at the same time it's a little bit grating as it feels to me as if it's making our relationship a bit transactional if you see what I mean.

Charley50 · 03/07/2019 15:08

It sounds like she has recommended you to others, so take heart from that not only did you get work form her, but also from people she knows.
It could be loads of reasons others have suggested; or another one, that the work was great but the job not done on time etc. who knows.. I also think it's really awkward getting work done by a friend.
Some friends used their friend as an architect. He would text them of an evening and say, hey shall I pop round for a beer and a chat about the building work is going etc. They thought it was a social thing.... he invoiced them for his time! And they provided the beer!

misslucienne · 03/07/2019 15:10

Maybe she felt awkward asking you again after she got the last work at a discounted rate. She might feel that it's cheeky to ask.

christinarossetti19 · 03/07/2019 15:14

I agree that she might not want to feel like she's taking advantage of 'mates rates' again.

Or not being offered 'mates rates' which could be even more awkward.

I'm self-employed and realised a few years ago that customers like to pay their way. I offered a service for free to a small charity (for good reason) and it was accepted, though this organisation has never approached me again!

Kyogre · 03/07/2019 15:14

I think you are being really unfair and mean to your friend to be upset that she isn’t using your business. Can you imagine how she would feel if she knew how you felt about her 😕

If I ran a local business I would bend over backwards to make sure my friends and family didn’t feel obliged to use it.

I think you need to rethink this. A ‘good and supportive’ friend would not be thinking like you are.

ChicCroissant · 03/07/2019 15:16

OP, it's really unfair of you to expect your friend to only spend her money with your business!

Claphands · 03/07/2019 15:22

I think it’s probably more that they don’t want to be seen as grasping by getting Mates rates, however we paid a friend to repaint our flat and he said he’d do us mates rates (actually we weren’t that bothered about a discount) and he did a crappy job and charged us what we knew to be top end price wise, it was rushed and such an easy job I expected much better, tbh it soured the friendship and we are still friends but we’d never get him to do anything again.

saraclara · 03/07/2019 15:24

Another saying that friendship and business don't mix.

My Godson is a wedding photographer. My daughter is getting married soon, but is using a different photographer. GS is too expensive for her budget (and no, we didn't ask about mate's rates) , and doesn't take the style of photos that she's after. GS and his parents haven't turned a hair, and the parents are attending the wedding as guests (GS working at another wedding)

I'd hate to feel obliged to use a friend's business. And if they said anything about me not doing, I think it would spell the end of the friendship.

cantfindname · 03/07/2019 15:26

Maybe she felt she might be seen as a CF asking you to do more when she gets mates rates.

dinnerpartyhell · 03/07/2019 15:31

Really op do not mix business with friendship/pleasure.
If she is a very good friend, then whatever her reason (expensive/not happy with last job/felt pressurised to use another friend's company) you can be sure she did not do this bad intentions.

I have many friends in almost all lines of work and never ever use them. If there is an issue I would be most concerned it would come between us and ruin our friendship. And I have seen it happen many times over the years.

She is not obliged to always use your company.
Be gracious and don't mention it. Ever.

Coyoacan · 03/07/2019 15:37

You have been given lots of reasons why you shouldn't feel the way you do, OP, but as a self-employed person myself I can understand why you do. One takes pride in one's work, so when you lose a client you can't help wondering what you did wrong.

Your friend didn't do anything wrong, but feelings are feelings, and you cannot even ask her what happened, which is even more frustrating.

TheCatThatDanced · 03/07/2019 15:48

as dinnerpartyhell says - if you have friends with businesses either use them and take the flak or don't mix it together!

If you have business owners like my ex friend who get really friendly then dial it down so you're not so friendly. stay professional.

rookiemere · 03/07/2019 15:49

coyocan I think you highlight the issue there when you talk about losing a client. I don't want to be my friends' client, I want to be her friend.. I therefore stick to situations on the whole where I can be one or the other.

Marylou2 · 03/07/2019 16:00

I have a friend who is a hotel manager in a lovely city. He can get rooms at his gorgeous hotel and others around the country for very low rates. I visited the city recently and stayed elsewhere, he saw on Facebook and asked why I hadn't stayed at his hotel. Honestly I feel as though I'm taking the Mickey, asking for something for nothing, etc. I hate the idea of mixing his work and our friendship and I'd rather fully pay my own way. Perhaps your friend feels like this, that she doesn't want to take advantage or think you'd expect to give her mates rates.

dudsville · 03/07/2019 16:05

You assume you know her reasoning. The assumption you make hurts your feelings. However that isn't the only possible assumption. Other possibilities would not be so hurtful. If your friendship is otherwise good I'd let this go and focus on why you went immediately to so hurtful an assumption and work on that.

drsausage · 03/07/2019 16:06

I'm self employed and I dislike it when friends want to use my business. I'd much rather do business with strangers, and keep my friendships as friendships.