Good friend stopped using my business but still chatty

[Radyward]

Hi there, we have a landscape company and had sorted her garden before no issues and gave a knock down friends discount iykwim
Just saw she has had some more work done and never approached us etc. I am so hurt and flumoxed over the whole thing. I understand totally people have choice and can do what they want and rightly so! I havent even said it to DH and just trying to formulate it in my head. We have been nothing but good supportive friends the last few yrs. Kids at each other parties etc. AiBU ??? I am sooo annoyed

Don’t take it personally. Avoid mixing business & friendships

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Had that problem before and its caused a family rift as the job wasn't done as well as it should have been. If it had been anyone else then I could have had a real go at them and told them to put it right as i was family and my sister, not quite so easy that one.

Best to get someone who IS not friends and family in:)

I run my own business and you do have to keep your working and private lives seperate. If you're given work by a friend, it has to be done on a professional basis, with exactly the same terms and conditions as anyone else. I also ensure that they know this - I don't expect any favours, nor do I give them. It's business. Friendship happens when we hit the pub.

I don't use friends to do work as a rule, precisely because I don't want to have business cause difficulties in a friendship eg if they priced too high I might feel ripped off, if they priced too low I'd feel embarrassed that they'd given me a discount I hadn't asked for. I also worry that if there were any issues/complaints then it would be difficult for both of us.

Try not to take it personally - if she hadn't used you before then you probably wouldn't have thought anything of it.

What's she has done is use someone else for a job. It doesn't mean she's never going to use you again. Unless she sees this of course. Calm down. She's one customer. You're not always going to get repeat work and/or your friends using you. If you can't sustain your business when a customer doesn't come back then …

Justaboy - it's hard to not take it personally if you thought you were their friend or they treated you as such.

So as you and the other poster said - best to get someone who isn't a friend in.

It may be that she felt a bit awkward about using you again in case you thought she was expecting mates rates again.

OP I recently had to write an email to a friend telling her I'd found someone to do a service that fitted what I do better but that she was amazing but we were just a bit different. My friend was so understanding. Your type of reaction would have made me continue to go with her but to the detriment of what I wanted. You can't take business personally. I think it's great you're still friends, don't let this ruin it

Another way of looking at this could be, if you gave her a really good price last time, maybe she feels bad asking again.
Thinking you would be embarrassed to charge her full price and she doesn’t want to come across as granny/freeloading.

It's hard.
We have good friends who are in the trades and always used to offer us mates rates even though we were v happy to pay them the going rate. Got awkward in the end and we go elsewhere now. Don't offer below market price when it's your living I say.

Is there any chance this work is something the other company specialises in? My nephew is a first class joiner and I will be paying him the going rate for installing my new windows, but I will get someone else (who specialises in it) to build my new staircase. Nephew is fine with it, and will help to install it if needed. I think it helps that I make sure I pay him the going rate.

Maybe she liked the job overall but found it hard last time with asking for small snags to be resolved?

We've had some of dh's mates do work for us and it does feel more awkward when it's not just a business relationship. Dh always says, don't worry XX about that little bit I'll do it later and it ends up never getting done.

I meant to say, when dealing with friends who are also tradesmen, I make it clear that the favour they are doing us is that they are doing the job at all (all are very busy and have waiting lists). Discounts just lead to awkwardness later on, but I am happy to queue jump!

I had a man knock on my door the other day offering to do garden work since he was already in the area working on a neighbours garden. It was spur of the moment so even if I'd previously used a friend I would still have gone ahead with this work. It wouldn't be a reflection on my friend.
Also I feel uncomfortable mixing finances and friendship do would prefer to keep it separate. I want my friends to just be my friends.

It totally get this. Ihatemi ING mates and business. Maybe she didn't want very brake the piss re discount/ or worried she couldn't afford you and would feel obligated once you'd given a quote.

I’m with devondumpling, I have been reluctant to keep going back to using busy friends at discounted rates as I don’t want to put them in a position.

It could be something that's not about you as such. For example, I have a good friend who is a hairdresser and has on occasion cut my hair. I went for a long time without going to a hairdresser and gave my hair a trim a few times at home - and then felt embarrassed about going back to her as I was sure she would notice I had been cutting my hair myself!

Or maybe she just got a good price elsewhere, or knows the other person too, or used them for other work and then asked them to do the garden too... lots of possible reasons, try not to take it personally.