Good friend stopped using my business but still chatty

[Radyward]

Hi there, we have a landscape company and had sorted her garden before no issues and gave a knock down friends discount iykwim
Just saw she has had some more work done and never approached us etc. I am so hurt and flumoxed over the whole thing. I understand totally people have choice and can do what they want and rightly so! I havent even said it to DH and just trying to formulate it in my head. We have been nothing but good supportive friends the last few yrs. Kids at each other parties etc. AiBU ??? I am sooo annoyed

Never mix business and friendship OP. One of them will always suffer, if not both.

and it feels a bit back stabby

Can you describe why? I'm self employed too, and I get that finding work is stressful and it does play on your mind more than most employed jobs; but I don't think I could take it personally if a friend used someone else. It's not a slight on you, and she has used you before. She just used someone else this time. Its no bigger than that.

We often use people the neighbours use. We see them doing a good job and if they can fit us in and are the right price it's easy just to organise it when you see them. E.g you see someone having a drive done or a tree cut down etc

What kind of work did she get done? Any chance they did it themselves?

I don't think I could take it personally if a friend used someone else.

I've never been self-employed in something like gardening or landscaping, but I bloody would take it personally 🤣 I can't believe all the posters who say they wouldn't.

I agree that she might have done the work herself or had help from a friend or friends, that does happen. It doesn't necessarily mean she hired another company.

Don't take it too hard, these things happen.

@Juells Why would you take it personally? Are people obliged to give work to friends?

I think she's doing someone else a favour.
I don't think it will be personal. It's probably a friends son or a nephew or similar that's doing the work.

I had a friend do some tree work for me. It was great and he did it really cheap. He did however do one bit completely wrong - used the materials I had specifically asked him not to. As he was doing it so cheap as a favour I felt I couldn’t ask him to rectify it though. Any quibbles are almost impossible to deal with as soon as you get ‘mates rates’ involved. I won’t use him again in case I have another issue I can’t sort with him.

Anchor down, v good point !
There is no way on earth she could do it herself ! ! Anchor down, im usually grand if people dont. They might do again iykwim ! In actual fact our business is doing good. Not facing closure or anything !! I know friends and business is a potential nightmare but this stung.

Actually, I might not go back to a friend as I wouldn’t want them to think I was taking advantage of mates rates more than once.

NoBaggyPants Actually, you're right. When I read the post by bottomfellout I realised I was being silly.

I think @user1474894224 has it.

"We often use people the neighbours use. We see them doing a good job and if they can fit us in and are the right price it's easy just to organise it when you see them. E.g you see someone having a drive done or a tree cut down etc"

We've done this too, wouldn't occur to me I need to use one company for ALL outside work ... It's much more likely to be something like this, or a family friend doing it etc.

But seriously, you need to chill out. It's not even remotely back stabby. People are entitled to spend their money wherever they choose. Separate friendship from business (said as someone who also runs their own business).

My best friend is a qualified mobile beautician and lives nearby.
I have my nails, brows, eyelashes and toes regularly done but I have never used her beauty services and never will. I care too much about our friendship to mix business with pleasure.

I wonder if like ilovecherries suggests it is more about not wanting to be cheeky and ask you to do discounted work again. I would feel uncomfortable about taking advantage of a friendship in that way too often..

It’s so hard to tell someone who’s done you a favour that there’s a problem or that you’re dissatisfied!

I used my friends business and she gave us a massive discount but I felt so guilty bout it I ended the contract. I wanted to support her business but felt like I was doing the opposite by accepting the discount as I was taking up time that could be used for a full fee paying customer.

Personally, I find it really akward to have a business/client relationship with someone I'm also friends with. I'd rather use someone else, than a friend, even if friend was a better price.

It could just be she found it emotionally harder to be the client to a friend than a stranger, I find it much easier to be assertive with people I only have a business relationship with, not having to think about how this will effect next time we go for a drink etc.

Maybe she felt awkward that you might feel you have to offer her a discount, so in a sense she can't get stuff done in the garden without trespassing on your good nature?

There is something to be said for just paying full price to a stranger, where nobody feels any personal obligation.

Maybe she has other, equally-close friends in the same line of business? We're on good terms with a number of tradespeople whose services/skills overlap, but we can only use one for each job.

I also think it might be the not feeling able to tell you exactly what she wants or say if her requirements differ slightly from yours, in a way she could dictate to a stranger whom she was paying the full price.

Sort of related, I dislike it when people you know well are trying to do you a favour to save you money - sometimes going as far as telling you what they assume you want, "There's no point wasting money on going for the really expensive stuff" - and you feel really awkward saying to them that you'd rather not cut corners or compromise on quality of materials, even though you fully appreciate it will cost you more.

Don’t take it personally. Avoid mixing business & friendships. Your friends shouldn’t feel obliged to use your business.

I agree

A friend did a job for us, very reasonable. I need something similar done and am agonising over asking him again as I feel a bit embarrassed as I know I didn't pay the going rate. He has plenty of work so I know he could have made more money doing the same work for someone else so it makes me feel like I'm scrounging.

Maybe I'm over thinking it but your friend might be as daft as me.

My friend is a mobile hair dresser. She did my hair once which I liked and happily paid her for. But when I went to another hair dresser, she would get annoyed. I preferred the salon because i get to relax in there and not have to wash my own hair nor check my carpet for bleach. You have to respect people have free choices to make. Your friend likes you. It's her choice who she wants to buy goods/services from.

One of the parent's in my daughters class turned out to be the daughter of my dentist. We're now quite friendly with him and his wife, but I go to another dentist because I find it to intimate with a friend.

(parents - daughter's)