The 'perfect boy' has been naughty

[GenerationPolaroid]

Genuinely would like some opinions please.

My 15 YO DS is a genuinely lovely person who has given me no trouble whatsoever, ever. I mean we have the usual discussions about screen time, chores, etc, but on the whole, he really has been a dream. He gets top marks on every subject and I never have to ask him to revise, and plays three instruments to a high level. He does not do sports and has never really had many friends, but that seems to be starting to change now which we are delighted to see.

Today I got a message from his school attendance officer letting me know that DS had signed out at 2:30 for his medical appointment. DS did not have an appointment, he lied to school so he could meet with friends in the park.

We have removed his phone, he's been really tearful and remorseful, now I feel really torn. On the one hand he needs to know that boundaries apply, on the other I want to cut him some slack.

Please offer me some advice.

Ah well no harm done. He's unlikely to do it again given that he got caught.

I would wonder why the school let him go without hearing from you first, but I guess that's what the attendance officer was doing.

Sorry meant to add, as a "first offence" it's not so bad and just give him his phone back whenever you feel it's appropriate.

He needs an appropriate punishment. What you're doing is very fair, and I would keep the phone through the weekend. Just be sure to have a calm talk about trust, responsible behaviour and consequences. Sounds like a lovely, normal boy to me! These small acts of rebellion are actually a very healthy thing. He's growing up and asserting himself. Of course, this doesn't mean he should get away with them completely!

Ah, just emphasise that it's the lying that's the issue. And remind him that you love him even when you're not happy with something he's done. If he's generally a really good kid, he may catastrophise about the effect of this one incident!

My kids are exceptionally well behaved. Sometimes I wish they were a little bit more rebellious. I worry that they don't give enough importance to what they want to do and I don't think this will serve them well in life.

Thank you that's exactly it, on the one hand I feel what he's done is so healthy, but I want to respond appropriately, not too lenient because he's such a good boy, and not to harsh that he feels suffocated.

Also, I actually think it's good for "good" kids to get into trouble and realise the world won't end. Help him to put it into perspective.

Do you know, I did that around his age! I was really good/ high grades/ no bother too. I wasn’t caught but never did it again.

I just did it on a total whim. I’d say cut him some slack and don’t make a massive deal about it.

Dons hook know he’s skipped lessons?

Do school know he’s skipped lessons

It's so hard when the 'perfect' child does something like this. You almost expect it of some kids and probably don't react as much but it's such a shock when it's the perfect one.

Agree, cut him some slack, tell him it was the lying you hated most and forgive him.

Thank you all.
Should I let school know that he lied or just let this slide this once? DS will be very upset about school thinking badly of him or seeing him differently. He was in tears early. I have not seen him cry for many many years, I honestly don't even remember the last time. I ended up crying too!
He's up for several academic awards next week and he's giving the speech at the ceremony, then playing at a concert!!!

I would have let school deal with it.

I would have rung school and told them he’s skipped lessons. He made that choice and should face up tot he consequences and not hide behind your skirt.

He’ll think that you’ll be there to protect him from his own mistakes

I wouldn’t even take the phone.

I’d tell him your ringing school and they’ll speak to him Monday. The worry will be worse than any punishment

He won’t do it again

It’s called natural consequences

Don't bother to tell the school, it's enough that you found out and have dealt with it appropriately and the poor kid has been in tears. No point in piling it on.

I'm not sure he deserves that to be honest. He skipped one lesson by the way, the last of the day.

Don't tell school. He's of an age to start making his own decisions.

No, I don't think you should tell the school. He's knows he's done wrong and that you are cross at him - he also knows that we can't do this again because school will tell you. He's in the middle of his GCSE's so I think on this occasion you should give him some slack.

I wouldn’t tell the school. He got caught out, presumably won’t do it again. I would not spoil my 15yo DS’s school record for something like this.

Do NOT tell the school. That is totally unnecessary and over the top for the transgression he committed. You can handle this at home.

Don't tell school. He's of an age to start making his own decisions

How does that work? School were responsible for his well fare and he left the premises. He made that choice.

If you skipped work would mummy punish you or would you face the consequences at work? Can’t see another adult helping you out.

IF he had been injured or abducted (unlikely) and school didn’t know where he was - you’d have a good case against them. They need to know their systems aren’t working and they are responsible for safeguarding these kids - I assume the other boys were from school?

Bet one of the other parents did the right thing and tell school - then you’ll look a liar

I guess part of you is just delighted he’s made friends and is hanging out with people - totally understandable.
I’d let this one slide, including not informing the school, he sounds remorseful enough.
I would however have a talk about not always feeling the need to follow the crowd if his gut feeling is not to do something. Could be a slippery slope if he’s eager to please and not use to having friends - other kids can pray on these vulnerabilities.

No way would I tell the school! Just a stern 'don't do it again', given he's so remorseful, is enough.

Don't tell the school. You've dealt with it fine and it is hopefully a one off. The thing that stood out for me was has never really had many friends, but that seems to be starting to change now which we are delighted to see.

Peer pressure, particularly if you are just starting to get 'mates' is hard at this age - I guess he didn't want to be the goody-goody not bunking off to meet them if they were all meeting up in the park. Have a word with him about how he can negotiate these situations in future?

He goes to an all boys school. The girls school nearby finishes an hour early on Fridays. DS has recently started getting to know some of the girls. He went to meet them in the park, they went to the swings.