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Original poster

30 next year - severely depressed about it

119 replies

PurpleLady11x · 27/06/2019 19:37

So I'm 30 next year, and I'm really depressed about being old and haggard lol.

I've been thoroughly down about this for the last few months, so my partner has persuaded me to book in a counselling session.

I'll no longer in my 20s and it's terrifying me so much that it has started to effect my day to day.

Did anyone else feel like this?
Am I being ridiculous?

OP posts:
LiveandBreathe · 27/06/2019 21:45

Don't compare yourself to anyone. Live your own life, no one else's. Do things that make you happy. Book an amazing holiday somewhere. Eat healthy, drink water, sleep well, exercise. Have good relationships. Live in the present.

I had the 30 thing, realised a negative ex had got in my head, stopped comparing myself.

Look at each decade with excited eyes.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 27/06/2019 21:48

I don’t think calling OP ridiculous when she admits to being depressed, and is talking about accessing therapy, is very kind. I thought we were supposed to be more respectful of people’s mental health these days? It’s not attention seeking to struggle. In fact it’s brave to speak out. This is quite likely about more than a birthday with an “0” on the end, but OP won’t be the first, or the last, to find turning 30 (or 40 or 60 or whatever) difficult.

origamiunicorn · 27/06/2019 21:50

Don't be ridiculous OP, 30 isn't old and haggard. I mean seriously get a grip. Just think if you were living in the 1500s you'd probably be dead so make the most of life.

You'll look back in 10 years and wish you were 30.

delilahbucket · 27/06/2019 21:52

I totally get how you feel OP. I had similar feelings when I turned 30 too. You won't be surprised to hear that nothing significant happened overnight, and life just carried on as normal. I'm 34 now and I don't feel any older now than at 29.

Original poster
PurpleLady11x · 27/06/2019 22:27

Thanks all. It's actually helpful to read about others feeling a similar way at 30/it other milestones, and that it was overcome.

I've not spoken about it to anyone but my partner, I guess this is one of the fab things about the internet.

OP posts:
scaryteacher · 27/06/2019 23:11

On my 30th birthday, I felt knackered, but that was because it was ds's christening, and he was just 3 months old.

i look at each decade as a chance to something different. I got married at 20;was getting used to being a Mum (only just) at 30; at 40 I kicked in my career, took ds out of school, let the house and moved abroad to join dh and become a SAHM/trailing spouse. At 50 I did feel awful, but I had shingles and Vitamin D lower than a snake's belly and it took some time to bounce back. This decade so far has been about coming to the end of out time abroad, and dh working, and so we come home this year (in 3.5 months), and dh retires...it'll be a learning curve to have him home all the time and dealing with the drop in income. I want to go back to work to get the last 6 years of NICs needed for the maximum state pension I can get.

It's interesting to look back over each decade and see what you've learned, and how you and your life have changed. At 30, I had a squawking 3 month old, at 40, I had on the cusp bolshy pre adolescent, at 50 I had an undergrad and at 53 I have an job hunting 23 year old with an MA. However, 30 still seems like yesterday and I still had a father. At 35, I didn't, as he died a week past his 60th birthday.

You can worry about the passing of time, but you can't stop it, so go with the flow and enjoy the ride. You only get the one go at it, so make it count.

tenlittlecygnets · 27/06/2019 23:13

Yes, you’re being bonkers. Turning 30 is better than the alternative.

Ffs.

CrispbuttyNo1 · 27/06/2019 23:16

I was 50 in February. I feel more alive and confident than I did in any decade since my teens. I also look better now than I did in my 30s.

I was dreading it but it's actually quite good.

And I can still party like a 20 year old quite regularly 😊

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 27/06/2019 23:21

Has anyone mentioned Logan’s Run yet? Obviously I could RTFT, except I’m not 30 anymore so I don’t have enough time left......

WhatsInAName19 · 27/06/2019 23:23

All this "it's better than the alternative". FFS indeed. Literally nobody has suggested they would rather be dead than getting older. Aging (if you are alive) is not optional, but it doesn't mean everyone takes it in their stride easily, for lots of different reasons. It's a bit like when someone has a little moan about something and some smart arse says "well there are people starving/people with X, Y, Z tragedies going on so you should stop complaining". It's not a race to the bottom. It's all relative and people are allowed to have feelings, even if you think they are trivial.

ICanWearMyBoobsUpOrDown · 27/06/2019 23:39

It's all relative and people are allowed to have feelings, even if you think they are trivial.

Op asked for opinions on if she was being ridiculous and people answered that. Are we supposed to lie? Not answer? Or is it ok to answer a question when asked?

And you're right, it's not a race to the bottom, but when someone is complaining about being old and haggered and is 'severely depressed' about becoming 30, a quick reality check that there are many, many people who aren't lucky enough to reach the age of 3, let alone 30, is entirely appropriate.

Singlenotsingle · 27/06/2019 23:45

Yes, I'm sorry but you are being ridiculous. My daughter in law is 30 and says she's getting old. I just say "how do you think I feel?" Actually, I feel fine, even if I am 67!

EnidButton · 28/06/2019 00:34

If you're healthy then your age doesn't matter one single jot. Having a body that works how it should and being able to make choices on what you do every day is a massive amazing privilege! Hard to see unless you experience disability or chronic ill health but trust me, if you have your health, it's like you win the lottery every day.

I hope counselling will help you see that and you can get back to enjoying life. It's just a number.

PawPawNoodle · 28/06/2019 00:40

I'm 30 next year and cannot wait. I feel frustrated at colleagues and people around me suggesting I am young. I want to be taken seriously and treated as a professional peer, and I don't see that happening until my age starts with a 3.

BitOfFun · 28/06/2019 00:49

Could you be having a quarter-life crisis?

SudowoodoVoodoo · 28/06/2019 01:02

I'm finding the thought of approaching my 40s is more present than it was about approaching my 30s, but that was because I spent most of 29 being pregnant. My 30s have been good, but from a very personal point of view, my sense of self has been very compromised by raising a young family. My 40s offer growing freedom a bit more like my 20s were.

40 is just funny as I haven't really got past 23 anyway. A few greys are sneaking in but are at the ignore stage. I still feel youthful. I'm not sure how much is borrowed time, but I like the way that youth is replaced by experience.

The only people I've seen who are in their 30s and can reasonably be described as "haggard" have had mugshots issued by the police and years of chaos and multiple addictions behind them. I doubt this is applicable to OP somehow!

madcatladyforever · 28/06/2019 01:22

You are being absolutely ridiculous. Your 30s and 40s are the best years of your life.
Get depressed at 50 because your 50s are unadulterated shit. I can tell you.

DinkyTie · 28/06/2019 01:31

Typical first reply 🙄

I think we all have an age that makes us reflective. I loved turning 30, I got married that year, then I had my DC in my 30s, bought a new home...it was a great decade!

I had the best 40th ever, so the decade got off to a good start. But I've recently relocated home and feel a bit adrift when it comes to my career which has always meant something to me.

I don't have the drive of my youth thanks to DC and dh yet don't have enough seniority to command the good part time roles that are close to home.

At 42 I'm still having to schlep into the city but feeling stagnate. Dh is also city bound but his career is going stellar.

At 42 I feel haggard and just pissed off my 30s didn't last longer!

DinkyTie · 28/06/2019 01:33

As if to rub it into myself I'm 42 I've mentioned it twice 😂

firstimemamma · 28/06/2019 02:14

I really think you could've worded your original post a bit more sensitively op. I'm nearly 30 - to imply I'm old and haggard is ridiculous as well as not very nice and I've noticed lots of your replies say the same.

Some people have bigger problems e.g. being told in their 30s that they've got a degenerative condition and only x number of years left to live. I'm assuming you're fit and healthy, be grateful for what you have and realise that 30 isn't even old anyway.

SpaceCadet4000 · 28/06/2019 02:45

I turn 30 next year and cannot wait- I love how I've developed over the past decade and can't wait to see what the next will be like.

Honestly, I think you need to address the negativity of your thinking.

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 28/06/2019 14:12

I wasted 29-31 worrying about how little I’d done with my life, packing about getting older, worrying constantly that I’d wasted my life.

All that achieved was wasting 2y of my life worrying about something I had no control over happening.

I turned 31 a few weeks back, gave my head a wobble and so far it looks like 31 is going to be fucking excellent...if I’d spent less time worrying then 29&30 would’ve been equally excellent I’m sure!

WhatsInAName19 · 28/06/2019 14:24

Op asked for opinions on if she was being ridiculous and people answered that. Are we supposed to lie? Not answer? Or is it ok to answer a question when asked?

Being honest and having an opinion doesn't excuse being rude and nasty, as a fair few people have been. In any case, I was talking in more general terms about the way in which people like to dismiss any type of complaint by comparing it to a situation that's worse. It's unhelpful and irrelevant. OP almost certainly knows that lots of people die young. Telling her that doesn't achieve anything at all. If I had a little moan to my husband about having the flu, I wouldn't be very impressed if he responded by telling me about all the people who are hospitalised with awful illnesses and how I should therefore not feel upset about having the flu. There is always someone worse off.

There are lots of reasons that someone might feel depressed about a milestone birthday approaching. Feeling that you haven't accomplished your goals, financial worries, health anxiety, having suffered a bereavement in recent times and being conscious of time marching forwards away from the person you've lost, having a parent or loved one who died in their 30s leaving you anxious about reaching the same age, feeling that life is passing you by and the meter is running out. Lots of reasons. But hey, rather than exercise any kind of emotional intelligence it's easier to pile on with the name calling and the boring "better than the alternative" stuff.

SlowLiving · 28/06/2019 14:35

My best friend died aged 28 of a brain tumour. She would have loved to have turned 30.
I actually find your post offensive to all women over 30. We are not old, haggard or passed it.
Sorry but you need a kick up the arse.

M3lon · 28/06/2019 14:47

I think you either feel this kind of thing or not.

I feel sorry for the OP that she is dreading her own future.

All I can really say is that I'm another person who is very happy to be older and have less fucks to give! I'm 40 and I'm happy to say roll on 50.

Life is change! Enjoy it!