Has your life lived up to your expectations?

[AlexaShutUp]

I'm really curious to know how satisfied other people are with their lives. On paper, my life is really good and I'm genuinely very grateful for what I've got. However, I always feel that there is something more that I'm somehow missing.

When I was younger, I truly believed that I'd do something special with my life - something extraordinary. As things have turned out, it seems that I'm uber ordinary. Now, I wonder if it was just the arrogance of youth that made me feel that way. Even so, a part of me still believes that I was meant to do something amazing and I just need to figure out what it is so that I can get on and do it.

Does everyone actually feel like this? If you lead an ordinary sort of life, perhaps where you have had some great experiences and make a positive difference to others on a fairly small scale, but you're never going to change the world, do you feel that is enough or do you wonder if there is more? Am I greedy/arrogant to my life to be extraordinary?

I know it's up to me to create whatever meaning/purpose/sparkle I want in my life, and I'm trying to think about how I can do this, but what I'm eager to know is whether the yearning that I feel is universal, or whether some people are actually quite content to lead lives which are happy but largely unremarkable?

Please be gentle. I know I probably sound like a twat, but I've felt this all my life and I just want to know if everyone else feels the same.

Not in the slightest :-(

Yes, I can honestly say that my life is happy but unremarkable and I'm perfectly content with that. I have a lovely DH, three wonderful DC, and job I love (but is never going to make me rich or famous). That's enough for me. I think even as a younger person I never felt I was going to change the world.

No. I married an abuser and am now divorced in a rented house with little hope of ever buying again.

But on the plus side I have divorced my abuser and now my dc live in a happy home.

Socks, sorry to hear that.

Pearlfish, thank you, that's really interesting. I'm glad that you are happy with how things have turned out.

No. I am in a reasonably good place in my life but was bullied out of a good career despite all promotion exams passed etc. Whilst I realise it would not ultimately have made me happy, I am angry that the choice was taken away from me. I also find married life vair hard work, despite loving him to bits.

I'm sorry for the people who are genuinely unhappy and/or those who are living through very difficult circumstances. Makes my post sound ridiculously trivial.

OP I completely understand. I’m aware that I sound like a massive dick but I would love to have a legacy. Just don’t know in what 🤣🤣.
It’s not a question of fame, I would hate that or fortune, if I won the lotto I would want to do something to make a difference. I was actually quite surprised & angry with myself that becoming a mother didn’t make those feelings go away. I went back to work in a new career which has made me more satisfied but sometimes I have a niggle.

That wasn't meant to be an angry face.. Something weird on the mobile 📱 app 😏

I'm quite happy with my lot, DP two DD's, job i quite like, never going to have lot's of money, i have a roof over my head and everything i need, i expect most people feel the same

fancynancy, I agree, it isn't about fame at all. In fact, I'd hate to be famous. I think you're right that it may be about legacy. Like you, I just don't know what.

We are fed false expectations and lies from an early age, so this is really not surprising. The main lie is that if you work hard at school (and thereafter at university or whatever and work) you will succeed. No, you won’t, because you are just following the crowd and being a good taxpayer and consumer. Even if you are in the top 1% academically or financially (if that is how we are defining success) you are never going to be truly extraordinary at something unless you have a completely unorthodox and perhaps risk-taking approach to life. But imagine the chaos if everyone was like that! Of course you need application and talent, but to be truly extraordinary I think you need a huge about of imagination or divergent thinking.

Thanks happy, that's interesting.

I live a pretty ordinary, but happy, life. My academic level and qualifications meant I could have aimed for an impressive career (as many of my peers did), but I'm not remotely ambitious and don't really have any desire to do anything particularly extraordinary with my life tbh!

The more I learn about the terrible things many people live through, the more grateful I am for my normal, stable, comfortable life.

Yes, my life has lived up to expectations in that it has been, and continues to be interesting. Parts have been boring and I have dealt with those and changed things to become interesting. I've lived in interesting places - not exotic, but different. I wouldn't choose to have a disabled child, but it's certainly presented challenges. I think I have a fear of dull-ness

Thanks Splodge. Your post is interesting. I've been thinking about this a lot recently, as I tell my dd that I think she's amazing and that she can achieve whatever she sets her mind to, but then I wonder whether I'm just setting her up for a life of disappointment. But on the other hand, she could do something incredible.

Interesting what you say about risk-taking.I never was a risk-taker. DD is much braver than I ever was.

AlexaShutUp I’m quite a spontaneous & impulsive person & I think I struggle a little with the monotony & mundaneness of family life. I don’t think you should beat yourself up for feeling that way, I did after my first born & felt very guilty. It’s a feeling of thinking “is this it”?

Thanks lazy and eggy.

Yes, definitely that feeling of "is this it?". That's exactly it.

I know that, if I want more, I need to find a way of making that happen.

Good post Splodgetastic & I think you’re right re risk. I’m pretty risk adverse so my legacy is definitely unlikely to happen.

not in the slightest

main issues - health problems created havoc with career. I hadn't realised that every single career option involved long hours, no company really makes allowances for health issues, couldn't afford to live nearer to work etc etc and had honestly thought that careers were about hard work and knowledge rather than politics.

also health issues created havoc with enjoyment of life outside of work.

also, a moan about property prices - I couldn't just up and leave London because of my parents, father dead now but I was not willing to leave them, maybe that's my problem, but feeling stuck in a small flat that had the price inflated by a deliberate economic policy annoys the crap out of me.

like you OP, I am happy with my life, but sometimes the health issues and property prices make me feel a bit pants.

also, when growing up, I said I wouldn't get married and have children but never thought I'd get so much commentary on that choice. Fortunately people do seem to accept it after 40, but the 30s seem like a constant drip of being asked to justify myself, which was odd.

No. It has not, not at all. But hey ho, it is what it is and I have jsut got to get on with it.

I've been with DH for 20 years and we went from being poor students to having interesting careers and travelling the world.

We lived and worked in several continents/countries and delayed having children deliberately. We worked insane hours, met interesting people and saw remote parts of the world.

We came back to the UK (though I'm foreign) and settled down, bought a house and had two children in rapid succession.
DD has ASD and is non-verbal,.so she needs a lot of daily therapy which means I now work from home.

These days I keep my world small and predictable and I love it this way. We're moving towards a more minimalist type of life, prioritising experiences over possessions and it's making us happy.

I agree with the PP who remarked that the more you ear about the hideous things people have to go through, the luckier you feel.

I'd always thought that I'd do something extraordinary, but as time went on I seemed to be stuck in a very ordinary lifestyle. Nothing horrible, just very "routine" . Then I got a life-threatening disease, and managed to survive it.

My doctor asked me if I'd consider being part of an awareness campaign to alert other women about it. I started by giving one TV interview, then things just snowballed and I'm often asked to do articles / interviews / take part in awareness events. I've become something of a poster-girl for this particular disease, and people often tell me that I made them aware / helped their mother or sister ,and that they'd benefited from my input.

So yes my life has become very satisfying - nothing that I'd planned, but it's great to know that my life has had a meaning for others and has helped them.

Nope. I worked and studied really hard but never got the opportunity of a good job. Should be 10-15 years into an excellent career by now but instead I’ve just spent years in poorly paid temp jobs trying to get a foot in the door. You can’t work your way up if you never even get the chance to start at entry level. And now I’m too old to get hired at entry level and have family commitments that would prevent me putting in the extra hours to progress, so I guess it’s game over.