Has your life lived up to your expectations?

[AlexaShutUp]

I'm really curious to know how satisfied other people are with their lives. On paper, my life is really good and I'm genuinely very grateful for what I've got. However, I always feel that there is something more that I'm somehow missing.

When I was younger, I truly believed that I'd do something special with my life - something extraordinary. As things have turned out, it seems that I'm uber ordinary. Now, I wonder if it was just the arrogance of youth that made me feel that way. Even so, a part of me still believes that I was meant to do something amazing and I just need to figure out what it is so that I can get on and do it.

Does everyone actually feel like this? If you lead an ordinary sort of life, perhaps where you have had some great experiences and make a positive difference to others on a fairly small scale, but you're never going to change the world, do you feel that is enough or do you wonder if there is more? Am I greedy/arrogant to my life to be extraordinary?

I know it's up to me to create whatever meaning/purpose/sparkle I want in my life, and I'm trying to think about how I can do this, but what I'm eager to know is whether the yearning that I feel is universal, or whether some people are actually quite content to lead lives which are happy but largely unremarkable?

Please be gentle. I know I probably sound like a twat, but I've felt this all my life and I just want to know if everyone else feels the same.

There are far, far worse things than ordinary.

Oh, absolutely, I'm well aware of that. I am truly grateful for what I have. I just can't help but feel that there should be more to life than this...

Not atm. When I was younger I always wanted to be a mum. I had severe health issues that left me with a life long disability and then I had my first very young and ended up a single young disabled mum on benefits.

I realised that it was no fun and stressful being skint so worked and studied for a long time, and had 2 more children.

My family is complete and I’ve married my youngest twos father. We are happy- but I’ve realised new things that I’d like to achieve.

Once I’m actually getting some sleep () and not paying out of my nose for nursery fees, and the nasty court battle with my eldests dad is over, I think I’ll be starting to live the life I crave!

I heard an interesting analogy once - can't remember how it went but along the lines of if you believe in fate, then everyone plays a part in something extraordinary. It might not be an obvious part but even if your role is to influence someone else or birth someone who will birth someone else who will do something extraordinary.

Prob a lot of crap 😂😂

No. I always thought I'd be married with children & have a good career.

Well I did have a good career but that ended with a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder as well as epilepsy getting worse.

I was very ill in my 30s mentally & never did meet the right man as I looked unwell & wasn't in a good place. So having children hasn't happened & is not likely now as I would be unable to be a single mum.

But, I'm 42 now... I look better & feel better, I'm on lots of meds but I work part time & with support I'm managing to stay in work.
I have a lovely house bought when I had a good career.
I have luckily kept my lovely friends & made new ones as well as got close family.
I've got a rescue cat to care for.
I go on holiday & go out socially.

I appreciate the small things in life now. I know I could get ill again & im still deeply upset over being childless, but mostly I'm content.

My life has surpassed my expectations.
I was brought up by abusive parents in a very poor area with no opportunities. So I never expected much from life. When I was 16 my dad told me to go to the local factory and get myself a job! Mainly so I could give him money to buy drink!
Instead I left home, moved away. Over time got my degree and a good job. I have two amazing grown up kids that I’m very proud of and very close to. I’ve travelled to so many interesting places. I have a lovely home, yes it’s rented but it’s HA so I’m secure here. I’ve done so many things I never thought I would have the chance to do.
I think a lot of it is about perspective and expectations. I am grateful I have plenty of food in my cupboards and money to pay the bills/extra expenses/holidays etc. I was brought up to expect so little, I even tried to commit suicide at 15. So I appreciate everything I have now.

Yes to being sold a lie. It doesn't matter if you make poor decisions or don't know what you want to do when you're younger. It's never too late. You can always retrain. Meet new people and make friends. You'll find your tribe. It'll work out in the end... Truth is that whether it's down to lack of money, being short on time, other responsibilities, no opportunities... it's very difficult to make major changes as an adult.

Nope.
I'm not with the person who lit up my world but with someone who is good enough. Mostly
I showered academic promise but didn't really do anything with it due to poor Mh issues absolutely bolloxing me up every time I started to get anywhere.
I'm fast approaching 50 and thinking Fuck, was that it?!
But then I'm still alive, which is pretty cool when I thought I'd never reach 30....

@winedayfriday, I agree that it’s a good approach to think of yourself as part of something extraordinary. I expect that some of the work people did at Bletchley Park, taken in isolation, felt a bit boring and mundane at the time. An extreme example, of course.

Nope. It's shit. I allowed myself to be immersed in the family FOG and so I've stagnated.

Mine hasn't turned out how I imagined, mainly because of me (stuff I didn't do that may have made things different).

I do have a good life though, for which I am thankful and on the whole am pretty happy with my lot.

I can totally relate to that sense that my "real" life hasn't started yet. I've spent most of my life anticipating some sort of mythical ideal life that I will live in the future. I guess that, now, in my mid forties, it's slowly dawning on me that I haven't got there yet. Is it too late? Time will tell....

I've got a decade on you and I still feel that. But it's not too late and you're not too old.

And sometimes, what looks like success from the outside doesn't necessarily feel it from within. I have a relative who is a multi millionaire and I have always thought I would be so happy having that sort of money. It doesn't seem to being them any sort of contentment. They are comically tight, hate their job and always worried about younger people snapping at their heels. Much more to lose when you've more.

No. I'm grateful for what I have - lovely dh, healthy ds, financial stability - but I fell into a career I don't find interesting. I could be doing much more but I am lazy and have no motivation.

My life has exceeded my early expectations.

As a child I often felt on the margins of friendship groups and was often lonely, I had little self confidence and feared I’d never find someone to love me, I’d never have kids etc and I would always feel excluded from cliques. I had no idea what I wanted to do career wise.

As an adult I have an amazing husband who makes me feel so loved, we have funny, sparky children, I have a successful career which I love and which gives me a sense of contributing positively to the world, I have loads of lovely friends, a real sense of belonging in my community, a lot more money than I ever dreamed and a life style I never thought I’d achieve.

My only problem is I often worry it’s all too good and I will lose it all. I feel it can’t really all be true.

I am also sad my parents died before all this food happened to me and I can’t share it with them.

I think books and tv/movies are partly to blame for all this. They teach us that there should be a beginning middle and a conclusion and that everything works out in the end etc. All the characters have a part to play and the main character generally gets an uplifting wonderful ending ('unless you're in a horror or a soap)

It's fallen far short in some respects and has utterly surpassed them in others.

On the one hand, I lost the man I was going to marry to addiction, went on to marry an abusive twat and, as a result, may never have the sort of home and family I've wanted ever since I was a child.

On the other hand, I've surpassed every expectation anyone has ever had of me in terms of career - and I'm not even done yet.

On balance, I'm quite happy.

I never expected to be extraordinary, I just wanted to be happy and I generally am. I was academically gifted and was told I could do anything but the thing I always wanted most was to be a mum, so I chose my career in teaching partly because I thought it would work well with having a family. It turned out I also love it and am good at it - I've also turned down opportunities for progression because Im happy already and didn't want the extra stress.

I remember realising in school that I was "waiting for my life to start" & that was stupid because I was already living it. Since then I've always enjoyed each life stage for what it is - the immaturity of childhood, the exploration of adolescence, the hedonism of my 20s and now starting a family in my 30s. I find it's easier to give up each stage & move forward f you feel like you really made the most of it!

DH likes to say that DS is going to be a professional footballer but I don't like him putting those ideas in his head. I've seen too many bright students waste their education because they have unrealistic dreams of being footballers! I'd rather encourage DS to work hard in school so he has as many choices as possible and I will always encourage him to aim for happiness and stability, rather than wealth and fame! Most people are ordinary and there's nothing wrong with that as long as they're happy!

There’s a prayer by an unknown soldier, that I find helpful when I’m upset about life not turning out the way I wanted:

“I asked for strength, that I might achieve.
I was made weak, that I might learn humbly to obey.
I asked for health, that I might do great things.
I was given infirmity, that I might do better things.
I asked for power, that I might have the praise of men.
I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God.”

I’ve been through an abusive childhood, miscarriage, the death of my DH when our DC were still babies, 4 deaths of relatives by suicide and 2 failed attempts by DD, 27 years as a grieving widow and single parent, and a stressful job as a hospital doctor.
None of that (apart from my job) was in my life plan! But I’ve been shaped as a person by all of it, and becoming a Christian after DH’s death has given me a sense of purpose, the reassurance of God’s presence in my life, and the knowledge that this life is just a prelude.
Whatever disappointments, infirmities, pain or unfairness we go through, all will be made well after we die.
“God will wipe away all tears, and there will be no more sorrow, neither death nor dying” as the Bible tells us.
I try to live my life as a Christian, and look forward to being reunited with DH at its end.
To the PPs who say “Is this it?” about their lives, I’d like to reassure them that No, it’s not! The best is yet to come.

I only feel my life hasn't measured up if I compare myself to others, which is never a good thing. So I might think 'oh I wish I had travelled more like Suzy' or 'oh I wish I had met DH at school like Nicola because then I might have been happier for longer and been able to have more kids.'

At the end of the day, I attained qualifications that allowed me the career I wanted at the time, I'm healthy, I'm married to lovely DH and I have DS. In the grand scheme of things, I'm very lucky.

It was pretty good but has recently gone pear shaped as h out of the blue announced he wanted out. I loved my job which paid very little but really helped people, alas I probably will need to take an accounts job or hr full time which will still not pay enough (because I've been out of corporate work for 20 years) but will keep us from the food bank. I seriously was looking at dating profiles of richer ugly men thinking well at least I could keep my job ... but I know that's wrong

I'm very fatalistic about this sort of thing - life really is a bitch and then you die. Life's boring and hard and pretty shit most of the time for most people. Sometimes I'm surprised people are surprised but them I realise that not everyone is as profoundly cynical and nihilistic as me.

I think mainly yes. Career wise it has been interesting, I've ended up in a job I didn't envision when I was training but I really enjoy it and I think it will provide a good career for a while, and I've got a sense where I want to go. I feel happy that I have been able to have a child even though I'm single, and I'm in a good place in my life now. I wish I had found a partner but there's still time maybe my expectations are smaller than other people's but I guess I am of the mindset that everyone's life is significant and everyone has the chance to alter the world even if it might not be that visible to other people as it just impacts on a few people.

Even so, a part of me still believes that I was meant to do something amazing and I just need to figure out what it is so that I can get on and do it

This sums me up exactly, it's reassuring to hear someone else articulate it!

I have always had the feeling that it's connected with writing, but I don't actually do anything about concrete about it. So nothing will happen there until I at least apply myself in some way.

More recently, DH and I have started a little foodie sideline, for a bit of pocket money and that has started to go quite well. So much so, that a TV production contacted us and we have filmed some episodes of a new cooking competition for Channel 4 which airs in the autumn.

So who knows?! Would never have believed it last year...

My life is fantastic, across every aspect, so I feel like the luckiest person in the world. I’m aware every day that everything I have could be very very easily overshadowed by grief or illness of a loved one (or me) so I’m extremely grateful for everything being so wonderful on a daily basis for the last 38 years.

Regarding being extraordinary. I feel like I’m pretty ordinary and my extraordinary husband highlights this. He is really special and is an outlier, amazing to see what he does and achieves. I often wonder how I can support our kids to be extraordinary in whatever way suits their uniqueness. I hope they have some of (not all of) my DHs characteristics. But then it makes me think about me. I AM ordinary, but maybe what makes me extraordinary is not so obvious. My capacity to recognise what makes me happy and to achieve that. My family have always said I’m remarkable at getting exactly what I want so just maybe that’s my superpower. And if it is, it’s a bloody good one to have.

Oh and I may not have done something amazing yet but I feel perfectly capable of it if I feel like it so for me it’s a choice not to. I have more than enough. But maybe next year I’ll feel like it.

Well..... I could have done without major head and neck surgery twice , the heart disease and the two rounds of cancer the second being chemo and radio together, oh what larks, also only being able to have one child, used to bother me, now it doesn't so much.

I married a mainly easy going man, who works hard and has all the same values as me, even if he doesn't hate Boris the way I do. When I was tube fed for four months he fed me, nothing solidifies your relationship like adversity.