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Original poster

How often do your young teen DC have to keep in contact when out?

131 replies

MeltedCrayons · 22/06/2019 15:41

DS is out and I am fine with that. Just hanging around the town with his mates. His mates are nice lads.

How often do you text / expect them to text when out - is there a certain time frame you expect to be in contact at? Esp. if under, say, 15? Or do you not expect them to contact you at all unless they want a lift home?

OP posts:
BertrandRussell · 22/06/2019 22:13

“ I look to see if they’ve arrived where they said they were going and maybe later to see if they’re on their way back”

Why not just have an arrangement that they text you when they get there and again when they are setting off?

I genuinely can’t see the benefit of tracking.

saraclara · 22/06/2019 22:15

Tracking worries me. If it's a normal everyday thing then as the kids get older what happens if they get into a relationship where they are expected to be tracked?
My friend is tracked as her partner has anxiety and worries.... In reality he's a controlling bully and she can't see it as her parents were way over involved in her movements even when we were older teens

That is a really, really good point.

BertrandRussell · 22/06/2019 22:19

Seriously— I haven’t seen a single benefit to tracking. Even the “I look to see if he’s still as football and if he is I pick him up” is solved by him him making a quick call when he’s finished.

UnderTheTree · 22/06/2019 22:26

People actually track their teens?! Dear god things have moved on since my kids were at school.

When mine were still at school, tbh I just would be grateful for a text when leaving said place so I roughly knew when to expect them or if other unforeseen circumstances arise.

Ilovetolurk · 22/06/2019 22:27

No need though is there with tracking

He can look, i can look, we can see where each other is without me having to take a call at work. I can see he’s still at the bus stop and pick him up etc etc

What modern technology was intended for.

Have you never lost your phone?

C8H10N4O2 · 22/06/2019 22:39

What modern technology was intended for.

Teaching people to expect to be monitored.

No it really wasn't developed for that. Its become a common use case but that was not the reason for most of the original work.

Ilovetolurk · 22/06/2019 22:43

Does it matter? How modern technology can be utilised to make life easier then

BertrandRussell · 22/06/2019 22:58

You know what. Cat among the pigeons time. This is about parents wanting to control their children. itching about convenience and safety. On what planet is is a good thing for teenager never to be out from under their parents eye?

Bookworm4 · 22/06/2019 23:00

@Bertand
Completely agree, some creepy and controlling behaviour going on.

Towelsareblue · 22/06/2019 23:02

Seriously— I haven’t seen a single benefit to tracking. Even the “I look to see if he’s still as football and if he is I pick him up” is solved by him him making a quick call when he’s finished. A couple of us have patiently explained why WE find it useful and not sinister. As for giving them a quick call - they never answer the blimmin things do they as too busy chatting or have switched the volume off.

No it really wasn't developed for that. Its become a common use case but that was not the reason for most of the original work. So many inventions end up being used for other useful reasons though, this being one of them

I said up thread that my DH went to Europe earlier today on business, I never call him when he's at work and wouldn't in a million years expect him to call me but a quick look at life 360 shows he arrived at his destination. I totally understand how that could be thoroughly abused but what is irritating me on this thread is posters compete inability to accept that some of us could be 'tracking' for totally benign reasons.

BertrandRussell · 22/06/2019 23:06

“A couple of us have patiently explained why WE find it useful and not sinister”

Well you said you checked to make sure everyone was on the bus. I don’t understand why you would need to do that!

corythatwas · 22/06/2019 23:07

Don't track, wouldn't track. Have never expected constant messages to say that they've arrived at their friend's house or whatever. Once they got to their mid-teens ds, in particular, walked long distances across town with friends, just to explore. I did the same at that age, so understood it very well.

When he missed the bus home from the next town on his first day of Sixth Form, he walked home: must have taken about 4 hours. I was at work and don't drive so even if he had messaged me it would have been difficult for me to come to his aid without the excuse of a serious accident, which this clearly was not. He expected that it was his job to sort himself out and did just that.

BertrandRussell · 22/06/2019 23:08

“As for giving them a quick call - they never answer the blimmin things do they as too busy chatting or have switched the volume off.

So they don’t get a lift home. Simple.

Towelsareblue · 22/06/2019 23:16

Betrand I've tried to be really patient and explain why it works for us and no-one feels pressurised or coerced but I feel like you are willfully disregarding my explanations. If my other son misses his bus back and he is a half hour drive away I really wouldn't expect him to walk.

Bookworm4 · 22/06/2019 23:17

So with no pre arranged pickup, good ole mum just appears to collect teenagers, what an embarrassment 🙄

Towelsareblue · 22/06/2019 23:18

Before you ask why couldn't he walk, I've explained up thread that it's very rural here - you could get thoroughly lost before you got anywhere near home - honestly why would I want that to happen to them when it doesn't have to?

Towelsareblue · 22/06/2019 23:18

So with no pre arranged pickup, good ole mum just appears to collect teenagers, what an embarrassment 🙄 eh?

C8H10N4O2 · 22/06/2019 23:24

So many inventions end up being used for other useful reasons though, this being one of them

Yes so useful to be able to track and snoop on everything individuals do and train them to expect it. China may be the one people talk about but its not unique to them, just more overt and extensively used.

AliMonkey · 22/06/2019 23:26

We all have phone tracking. In the last week, it’s been useful for:

  1. Having tea ready at right time when DH got back from a business trip - he can’t text when driving and safer than him calling on motorway. And no it’s not because he expects dinner on table when he walks in but so we could eat together without eating too late in evening.
  1. Not spending an hour in car waiting for DS to get back from school trip (they aren’t allowed to use their phones on journey but if he didn’t call until got back to school then would have got to bed even later than the 11.30 that he did get to bed).
  1. DC knowing I would be late home from work so I didn’t have to call and tell them when in middle of meeting with client.

All of can see the others. We all know it happens. Not a problem for any of us.

Ilovetolurk · 22/06/2019 23:28

Towels I think we’re wasting our time. Excuse me all whilst I return to my centre of operations to continue Operation Teenage Boy Surveillance under the guise of saving him having to walk home

I may change my username to CreepyandControlling it hasn’t half tickled me

BertrandRussell · 22/06/2019 23:31

“If my other son misses his bus back and he is a half hour drive away I really wouldn't expect him to walk.”
No. I wouldn’t expect mine to either. But how would tracking help? I’m not going to set off to pick him up based on my tracking app saying he was’t on the bus. He might be going to stay with a friend, go to the cinema,loads of different options. So I wait til I hear from him.

BertieBotts · 22/06/2019 23:31

We use google family link. We leave the tracker on but rarely look at it. It could be disabled with GPS. Google family link lets you set time limits for your child anyway (they can call their emergency contacts even if the time limit is up) so TBH his phone is not hugely useful to him when out anyway as he tends to use up all his screen time as soon as he gets up in the morning.

We have used the GPS tracker to locate him when he didn't know the exact address of friend's houses but needed to be picked up, that kind of thing.

BertieBotts · 22/06/2019 23:33

It would be extremely easy for DS1 to disable the tracking if he so wished by turning off the GPS on his phone. He doesn't know about that yet but I would imagine he will figure it out extremely soon. It's not a big problem to him though because we don't police where he goes really, we just like to have an idea of where he is in case of emergencies.

BertrandRussell · 22/06/2019 23:34

“We have used the GPS tracker to locate him when he didn't know the exact address of friend's houses but needed to be picked up,”
What’s wrong with him asking the friend what his address is?

BertrandRussell · 22/06/2019 23:36

“we just like to have an idea of where he is in case of emergencies.
Why doesn’t he tell you?
What sort of emergency?

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