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Original poster

How often do your young teen DC have to keep in contact when out?

131 replies

MeltedCrayons · 22/06/2019 15:41

DS is out and I am fine with that. Just hanging around the town with his mates. His mates are nice lads.

How often do you text / expect them to text when out - is there a certain time frame you expect to be in contact at? Esp. if under, say, 15? Or do you not expect them to contact you at all unless they want a lift home?

OP posts:
Towelsareblue · 22/06/2019 19:58

No I wouldn't consider tracking them at uni. I find the horror on here all a bit weird when no-one in my family is bothered.

Towelsareblue · 22/06/2019 20:00

How is it useful? Well at the risk of stating the obvious I know where they are. I check once in the morning when they've all got their various buses etc and don't look again. They could have gone to Paris and back in the intervening time and I wouldn't know.

C8H10N4O2 · 22/06/2019 20:00

I think it's a bit daft to say at best it's useless - that's not really the case imo

Do you mean you doubt it can be disabled? Common tracking software can be disabled easily which renders it useless if you have it to track someone's movements. The problem then is that you have a false sense of security.

BertrandRussell · 22/06/2019 20:02

Sorry- I may be being thick- but why is it useful that you know they’ve got on the bus? I’m not being snippy, honestly!

Towelsareblue · 22/06/2019 20:04

I think tracking in my case is massively overstating what I do. They all go off, I might think at 10am to take a 10 second look and see they've all reached their destinations. That's it, end of 'tracking' I don't look again, they come home - that's it, barely MI5.

Towelsareblue · 22/06/2019 20:06

Betrand we live very rurally, if one didn't reach school/college I'd probably go out in the car and see if they were stranded. It's never happened though, the signal is rubbish so the usual assumption that they would ring doesn't apply sometimes.

BertrandRussell · 22/06/2019 20:06

“I think tracking in my case is massively overstating what I do”

I feel as if i’m badgering your- and i’m sorry. But why do you do what you do? What good purpose does it serve?

Towelsareblue · 22/06/2019 20:09

I don't mind being badgered! Did we cross post? There's the reason above.

SeaViewBliss · 22/06/2019 20:09

DS14 - only has to make contact if he is going somewhere other than originally planned or if he’s not going to be home on time.

No tracking.

Ilovetolurk · 22/06/2019 20:12

Such strong opinions on other people's perfectly normal life arrangements. Tracking does not have to be remotely sinister.

I gave my DD a lift from the hospital when I was on the way back from the supermarket as I could see she was still there as her appointment had been delayed. So no need for her to walk 2 miles home

DS can find my phone when I forget where it is

I check when I leave work whether DS is still at football practice which finishes at varying times. If I can see he is still there I drive home that way and pick him up so he doesn't have to get the bus

Nice normal reasons for having find my friends - not to madly stalk my offspring.

Bookworm4 · 22/06/2019 20:12

@I8toys
He’s a great lad yet you don’t trust him? Your anxiety isn’t an excuse to treat him like this and make him the laughing stock of his pals. No teenager wants an embarrassing parent.

Towelsareblue · 22/06/2019 20:14

I've just asked DS1 if he minds (17) he just shrugged and laughed, said of course not it's just a family thing and wandered off.

BertrandRussell · 22/06/2019 20:19

OK. We live very rurally too. My ds set off this afternoon to walk the 2 miles to the station. If he got there and there were no trains, he would either just walk home again, or ring me and wheedle me into to coming and giving him a lift. I can’t imagine circumstances in which me tracking him would be remotely helpful. If the train broke down or something then he would just do whatever the train people told him to do. We have an agreement that if he’s out he lets me know when he’s coming home, or when he is wherever he’s going to spend the night. He always does- and I have no reason to believe he’s lying. But even if I was tracking him I would have no way of knowing whether he had left his phone somewhere. I trust him- because he has no need to lie to me and so far (as far as I know!) he hasn’t

TheSultanofPingu · 22/06/2019 20:20

To those of you who track their teens, if any of them asked you to stop tracking them, would you stop?

GeorgeTheFirst · 22/06/2019 20:28

I don't and wouldn't track mine. They need to take responsibility for themselves and ring or talk to somebody if they need help. I want to fit them for adulthood not assume I can fix everything for them. They are 20 and 18 and got mobiles at age 11.

Bookworm4 · 22/06/2019 20:29

Tracking a 17 yr old?!? That’s ridiculous, trust him and untie the apron strings.

GiggleMcDimples · 22/06/2019 20:29

I have DS's 14 and 11 and I don't expect a text off 14 unless he's going to be late or wants a lift. Same pretty much with 11 DH or I may give him a quick "is everything ok" call after a few hours.

I absolutely disagree with tracking children (unless they maybe have additional needs). Nothing says "I don't trust you" more that tracking their every move. Part of being a teenager and growing up is doing things that they're maybe not allowed to do and learning from that. We were all teenagers and none of us needed tracking and I'd bet we all did things and went places we knew our parents wouldn't be too pleased about, but that's how we learned to become adults. And I think it's an important right of passage.

Towelsareblue · 22/06/2019 20:30

To those of you who track their teens, if any of them asked you to stop tracking them, would you stop? Of course

Towelsareblue · 22/06/2019 20:33

I don't get the angst if everyone is consenting? I like my family being able to see where I am, I'm on my own a lot running/cycling. In fact I'm so crap with maps I've rung them before to ask them where I am! You're making it sound very sinister when it so isn't.

I8toys · 22/06/2019 20:51

Thanks bookworm - way to get at someone with mental illness. I don't want to do it. I also have OCD so control is something I cannot control. The whole family consents to it - the teens get lifts wherever they want. His friends come to my house and sit in our outside area and stay all night. Thanks for the judgement.

GiggleMcDimples · 22/06/2019 20:52

Tracking them wont stop them from having an accident. For those saying they like to check they've got to school/college/work safely, surely you'd just assume they have??? If they had an accident of some kind your tracking them won't make a blind bit of difference. They've still had the accident and your app did nothing.

I would bet that your tracked teens despise it but are too scared or worried that it'll upset you to tell you otherwise.

And when they want to go somewhere they know will piss you off, they'll just leave their phone somewhere else, and if anything really did happen where they need to contact you, then they'd be left with no way in which to seek help.

Towelsareblue · 22/06/2019 20:56

Oh fgs dimple stop projecting your own over invested views on here. I know my own family thanks very much, none of us are anything like as bothered as some posters on here appear to be.

Ilovetolurk · 22/06/2019 21:00

I would bet that your tracked teens despise it but are too scared or worried that it'll upset you to tell you otherwise

I think this says more about the state of your relationships with family members than it does about those of us who are using modern technology to make everyone's life easier.

Lost phones are more likely than accidents. My DH once left his phone on top of the car and set off from the petrol station. I was able to find it for him about 2 miles away - it had flown off as he went around a roundabout.

MyNameIsCharlesII · 22/06/2019 21:21

Ok so every single one of ds (12) and dd (10) friends have tracking on their phones. All of them. It’s completely normal here. We’re quite rural - for example ds has to cycle four miles to the park to see some of his friends - and my dc are only young. I don’t track them as such - I look to see if they’ve arrived where they said they were going and maybe later to see if they’re on their way back.

The app I suggested (google family link) is actually a parental control app for their phones not just tracking. We have to approve any apps they put on, can lock the phone remotely if we want, set time limits, see what they’re using etc. Seeing dc location is just a part of it but is also useful if they forget or lose their phones somewhere.

It’s not like I’m sat here on my laptop watching a red dot moving across the map of the town centre so I can see ds has just gone into McDonalds.

bullyingadvice2017 · 22/06/2019 21:59

Tracking worries me. If it's a normal everyday thing then as the kids get older what happens if they get into a relationship where they are expected to be tracked?
My friend is tracked as her partner has anxiety and worries.... In reality he's a controlling bully and she can't see it as her parents were way over involved in her movements even when we were older teens.

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