Horrible man has left me feeling discombobulated

[Pinkarsedfly]

I think I’m over-reacting, but this happened yesterday and I’m still thinking about it so I thought I’d ask you lot what you’d have said/done.

Basically, I’d had a lovely day at the races with my sister and niece. I wouldn’t normally go (not my scene) but it was a charity day and my niece had got us free tickets, so I put a frock on and pitched up.

At the end of the day, it started raining. On the way back to the car, out of nowhere, a pissed guy got under my umbrella with me, and said,

‘You’ve come out in something today that doesn’t suit you, haven’t you? Those little boots...still, you’re rocking it, you’re rocking it...and with those blue eyes, you can get away with anything...’

This is the thing. I just froze. I couldn’t think of a damn thing to say. I’m known for being witty, words are my thing, and in the past I could be a bit nasty with my tongue (grown up now). But it all left me.

Instead I stepped away to avoid him, ended up in a puddle, thus humiliating myself further as he and his friends pissed themselves laughing at me.

It ruined the day for me - why can’t I just think ‘Pissed arsehole’?

Instead I’m feeling cross with myself that I didn’t give as good as I got, and that I let it upset me. How fragile is my self esteem?

What should I have said? If I’d read this on here I’d be all ‘You should have told him to fuck off’, but when it came down to it, in the moment I froze.

What would you have done?

And yes show us the boots! Yellow is my favourite colour

I'd have done the same as you. I think it's totally understandable it bothered you. Try to draw a line under it in your mind - you are better than them x

Gosh I wouldn't have given this a moment's thought - forget about him and just think about the lovely day you had.

I’d have frozen too op
I think it’s best to totally ignore men in this kind of situation- any other response let’s them know they’ve got a reaction from you. Which is what they want
I bet you looked amazing In your Yellow boots

You did the right thing by going. Him and his mates were too drunk to know that they looked like dick heads. I would love to see your boots. Please carry on wearing them. They sound fab - I would say send them to me lol but no, wear them with pride!! He's probably one of those old fashioned types that expect women to wear stilettos / heels constantly, but no idea of other styles. I too have an allotment - the old men on allotments are much finer examples of men I think, so polite, kind and friendly.

And don't worry about your reaction. In places where we often go we can predict the twats. This was unexpected and probably surprised you as you didn't expect it. He was an unexpected twat.

You can always change your outfit OP, but he can't change his personality.
A swift knee in the bollocks is effective.

OP, saying nothing and walking away was exactly the right thing to do in this situation. Any reaction is a win for this sort of asshole - he was looking for engagement and you didn't give it to him. Well done

My friend and l once got flashed at by a drunk lad. l was about 20 at the time, and told him "lf that's the best you ca do, you'd better go home and get a note from your mother."
His mates were pissing themselves. l agree with pp - l suspect his friends were laughing at him, not you. You behaved with dignity - please don't fixate on this. He's the one with the problem, not you.

Oh op ugh! When I read what he said I could feel my skin crawling. I’m so sorry you had to endure this utter wanker

Yes it was negging, and done because he was attracted to you (not that i’m suggesting that makes it in any way less offensive). He felt threatened by you having an effect on him and felt the need to take you down and domineer you. He prob focused on your boots because they were fab. I understand it putting you off them though.

I’ve seen women deal with this type of approach by just saying “in your dreams” and walking off. But I would have frozen too. Just saying nothing and getting away is a perfect response because it shows him you want absolutely nothing to do with him. But I also agree with a pp that immediately raising the alarm is also a good option - making clear to everyone around you that you are being harassed and need assistance. It depends on the situation and the severity, and how safe or otherwise you feel.

I hope this thread and talking it over helps you feel better and put it behind you (((hug)))

Do you value the opinion or comments of a rude, drunk, idiot?
Is the drunk prat someone you have any respect for?
I'm pretty certain the answer to that is a definite no.
His comments were stupid and worthless.
You are a much better person than him and you had a great day. That's all that matters.
Ignoring him was the best response. He isn't even worth the bother of a put down.

@pepperpot99
negging is a supposed pick up technique (highlighted in the blinking awful book The Game by Neil Strauss) whereby an inadequate man will give an insult followed by a compliment to try and get a woman's attention. A wingman may also be used. Sad Bastard Conventions used to teach this shite.

Thank you all so much for your supportive replies! I didn’t expect so many.

What a lovely place MN can be.

It makes me very sorry, though, that so many of you are familiar with this shitty behaviour, and recognise how it made me feel. for us all. We should start a Yellow Boot Society

Pic of me in said outfit. Here’s where you all back off when you realise he had a point

(The dress has sunflowers on it which don’t really show in the pic. I didn’t add random yellow boots for no reason)

These wankers who neg are of the view that all women are desperate to be complimented by men. I’m 43. I asked mum when general male hassle ends, she reckons around 75.

They don’t care your age, in fact I think they might find it funnier if they think you don’t know what they are doing.

I’m also glad I don’t generally need to mix with men.

Cross post
You look lovely
Are you okay with pics of you on a public forum? Suppose the papers pick this for a story?

Ooh! Are they suede pixie boots? That takes me back - having to clean red ones with a toothbrush so there weren't any water stains.

Rosa it’s fine, I’ve nowt to hide. I doubt very much that a pissed bloke negging a woman is news.

Gorgeous outfit

Rage they’re not suede, but they want to be when they grow up 😊

They're ace! Maxi dress and boots are always a good mix!!

I love your outfit and you look great in it.
You shouldn't let the comments of that idiot spoil it for you.

Although, if you had worn moon boots and a bin bag it doesn't give anyone the right to comment on it and make you feel shit. Who cares what he thinks!

I hate this, why do some men think we need/want their comments on our appearance?

Agree with rosa - you look lovely, the photo is lovely, but lazy tabloid journalists have no scruples when it comes to what they steal from here. I love the dress. I love the boots. Not sure I would have worn them together - probably would have worn a black heel or strappy sandals but there is a reason I avoid the Style and Beauty section on here, namely I am incompetent

You know what is so infuriating- he thought it ok to get under your umbrella and invade your space. I hate it even when men in cars say something, it ruins my zen. let alone this.

Idiot

And look how happy you are in the pic don’t let him take that away. Idiot

why do some men think we need/want their comments on our appearance?
Because some believe negging/backhanded compliments will invoke a reaction - undermine a woman's self-esteem so that she will try to seek your approval.
Because some are arrogant enough to think they are the new Gok Wan and anyone gives a shit.
Because some have been socialised into showing off when they are with their bullish mates.