Horrible man has left me feeling discombobulated

[Pinkarsedfly]

I think I’m over-reacting, but this happened yesterday and I’m still thinking about it so I thought I’d ask you lot what you’d have said/done.

Basically, I’d had a lovely day at the races with my sister and niece. I wouldn’t normally go (not my scene) but it was a charity day and my niece had got us free tickets, so I put a frock on and pitched up.

At the end of the day, it started raining. On the way back to the car, out of nowhere, a pissed guy got under my umbrella with me, and said,

‘You’ve come out in something today that doesn’t suit you, haven’t you? Those little boots...still, you’re rocking it, you’re rocking it...and with those blue eyes, you can get away with anything...’

This is the thing. I just froze. I couldn’t think of a damn thing to say. I’m known for being witty, words are my thing, and in the past I could be a bit nasty with my tongue (grown up now). But it all left me.

Instead I stepped away to avoid him, ended up in a puddle, thus humiliating myself further as he and his friends pissed themselves laughing at me.

It ruined the day for me - why can’t I just think ‘Pissed arsehole’?

Instead I’m feeling cross with myself that I didn’t give as good as I got, and that I let it upset me. How fragile is my self esteem?

What should I have said? If I’d read this on here I’d be all ‘You should have told him to fuck off’, but when it came down to it, in the moment I froze.

What would you have done?

He was an idiot. One day he'll do this to someone who will tell him to go to hell and maybe push him into a puddle. Karma, and all that.
Enjoy this fantasy.

You must have looked pretty fucking great for him to feel he needed to bring you down.

I think it's rank in this modern day that there are men who think this is acceptable sociable behaviour.
Who also have friends who find this amusing also.
I cannot stand the old style mysoginistic man who gets on women personal space making comments of sexist nature.
I work in a supermarket and I'm 5 ft. The amount of men I get instead of saying excuse me to get my attention but grab me or touch me in some way is disgusting. They wouldn't do it to a male colleague or a bigger woman.
Hugs.

I think you did the right thing. Its all well and good giving witty retorts, but you have no idea how he could react. I've never heard of begging before so I shall find out more.

Just try and ignore the arse wipe.

You need to use your own version of the old joke, so, for example:

Maybe my boots don't suit me, but tomorrow I will be wearing different ones, while you will still be a twat.

My mum taught me a great saying, you can walk round a cockroach or stamp on them.

You chose to walk round this one and there's nothing wrong with that.

I meant negging, not begging.

Sorry this happened to you. However, in many ways I think you did the right thing by saying nothing - it’s not unknown for there to be trouble or assaults after race meetings and other big sporting events when groups of men emerge absolutely sloshed.

Not sure about the yellow boots. 😂

A couple of times when this has happened to me I've beckoned the guy closer, leaned in as if to kiss him and then whispered in his ear 'Fuck off you grim git'.

This is when it would be good to be a Buddhist, think of all the bad karma building up over that arsehole’s head!

You've clearly got the wrong end of the stick if you believe that's how Buddhists think.

What is negging?

This behaviour you described hit a nerve with me...I've had a few men be sleazy with me in clubs back in the day - a compliment followed by insults, me not being into them - and them then being disgustingly rude, as if I should be grateful they were trying to crack on to me??

Sorry, meant to say, it's clearly nothing wrong with you, it's them with the issue. Hope you're ok.

He’s an absolute knob, doesn’t deserve another moment of your time. You looked amazing and confident, he wanted to bring you down. He’s a nasty, small-minded idiot. I’ve decided that if any similarly nasty person gets too close and makes a comment, I’ll say, à la Catherine Tate’s Lauren, ‘Ooh, you been eating garlic?’ and move away. Less likely to spark violence than, ‘Your breath stinks.’ 😊

Those boots are made for walking. Away. Which you did. Well done!

He may have ended up spitting at you if you had replied. You handled it very well.

I have been to a few race meetings. Without fail I have been the recipient of an approach by a drunken man who has broken away from his mates. I think they are playing a game where they can try and pull or insult, or just generally amuse their mates. (Sometimes I have been with friends, a couple of times I have been on my own while my DH has gone to bar, the loo etc)

They are Neanderthal dickheads. You just crossed their path at the wrong time. It would have been somebody else if not you.

OP I know how hurtful this can be and it plays on your mind for days. I remember a man shouting from a third floor window “you’ll be giving it away next”, I was wearing a nice dress for a date. I was so hurt but I carried on walking, after a minute I realised how fuckibg angry I was, so I walked back and shouted up that he’s a fucking prick and I ran home crying. When I turned up to my date (late as I changed my outfit) I was so sad. My date gave me a big cuddle and almost cried with me lol, bless him. (Not all bad as we’ee still together 8 years later)

It's shit when something like this takes you off-guard and you're left thinking "I should have ..."

I agree with the others though. He's a dick. If he was a good guy with a happy life, then he wouldn't behave this way.

What saddens me is the number of women who would have engaged in this as they believe it’s complimentary to be ‘noticed’ by a man.

The number of times I’ve had discussions with friends that being “wolf whistled” is NOT a compliment but a demonstration of the continuation of sexism in our society.

Don’t beat yourself up. Think of the science behind your action - at a very primitive level your brain was making a very quick calculation of what the most SAFE course of action was. In this instance a wet foot was better than spending another second in that mans company. So celebrate those boots, and your smart brain.

I know its not advised and would be very foolish but I think I'd have elbowed him, I can't stand idiotic men, and that's exactly what he is op, don't give him another second of your headspace.

Pissed arseholes aren't really going to respond to withering put-downs. You did the best you could in the circumstances. Neither he or his friends will be thinking of this now.

What a dickhead of a man. I've been in the same situation and it's really infuriating that not only does he think he has the right to treat you this way, but also you kind of 'freeze'. I also like to think of myself as a witty and articulated and I have given some great comebacks to sleazy men, but I have also 'froze' in the same situation. I think it's because our instinct kicks in and there is something about the situation that stops us from saying something.

Men who think its 'funny' to neg, laugh at women discomfort are sad lttle man, with sad little lives.

Bet I’m not the only one who’d love a pic of your fab yellow boots? Maybe the power of mumsnet can restore the shine on them. Unless you’ve got them so muddy in that puddle that it’d be better not!

They sound very cheery.

Yep I want to see the boots!

In my mind, I'd like to think I would've tripped him and made him look like a twat in front of his mates.

In reality, I'd probably have done the same as you. Incidents like that catch you off guard. It's not easy to think of a witty comeback when you're spooked. Don't beat yourself up, OP