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Original poster

My mum squirted water in DSs face to discipline him

85 replies

AllHail · 15/06/2019 14:48

I just really need some help with this. I feel sick and conflicted.

DS has just turned 3, he’s in a challenging phase with he occasional tantrum and a fair amount of defiance. Nothing out of the ordinary particularly but he can be trying.

My mum is a lovely fun kind person who adores her grandchildren. She has always taken fabulous care of DS and his elder sister. However, she has a horrible temper, is a bit self centred and was very quick to smack and hit us growing up. She’s never shown any sign of doing anything like that to DC.

She and my dad had DS overnight on Thursday and took him out for the day on Friday. They had a nice day but towards the end it seems he became over tired, they had stopped at a relatives on the way home and had to leave. He then became hysterical in the car and took his seat belt off, they had to pull over on a busy road and he was hitting and kicking my dad so my mum squirted water in DSs face. He stopped hitting and they did his seatbelt up and went home. He was a bit agitated/getting upset quickly the rest of the late afternoon.

Mum told me all this on a text message as dad was on his way home with DS.

Just based on the bare facts of this situation, how would/should you react?

OP posts:
Yellowcar2 · 15/06/2019 14:52

Considering it was a dangerous situation being on a busy road etc and it enabled them to do his belt back up I think I'd be fine with it. I would probably text back saying thanks for letting me know and thanks again for taking him out / overnight.

Celebelly · 15/06/2019 14:53

I don't know, it seems like he was in a state in a potentially dangerous situation and they needed to snap him out of it if he was kicking and punching. It doesn't seem like it was to discipline him but to try to stop him being in hysterics (a much gentler version of slapping someone when they're in hysterics). But obviously there is back story in terms of your childhood, so you will have a better idea of intent.

BrokenWing · 15/06/2019 14:55

Sounds like she did it in the moment to distract him from struggling rather than discipline.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 15/06/2019 14:57

It wouldn't bother me, tbh.

Soola · 15/06/2019 14:58

Water boarding - no.

A one off squirt - ok.

PregnantSea · 15/06/2019 14:58

Under the circumstances I think this was ok. Probably not the best course of action but it was a dangerous situation, he was hitting them and they needed him to get his seatbelt back on so I can understand why she did it.

I would just leave it.

Knitclubchatter · 15/06/2019 14:59

it use to be recommended to throw water on children having temper tantrums. Squirting a bit sounds fun and cute and a great idea.

Didiusfalco · 15/06/2019 15:02

I am as soft as they come, but I think the potential danger of the situation would outweigh my other concerns - assuming she didn’t in fact completely drench him.

motherofcats81 · 15/06/2019 15:02

How did she squirt water - they had a water gun? I agree, on the face of it it sounds ok in the circumstances, if it was a busy road and he was hitting and kicking without a seatbelt on then the alternative could have been much worse.

Apolloanddaphne · 15/06/2019 15:02

It obviously did the trick and allowed them to make him safe again. It wouldn't have hurt him, just startled him a little.

LettuceP · 15/06/2019 15:03

Hard to tell without seeing it I think. I mean did she drench him with a nasty look in her eyes? Or squirt a little bit in his face in an attempt to shock him out of his tantrum? Or do it jokingly to distract him? I don't think I would get worked up about it personally.

Was it from a sports cap water bottle?

AnotherEmma · 15/06/2019 15:03

"she has a horrible temper, is a bit self centred and was very quick to smack and hit us growing up"

Why do you use her for childcare, then?
She doesn't sound like a great candidate based on that description!

Birdie6 · 15/06/2019 15:04

He then became hysterical in the car and took his seat belt off, they had to pull over on a busy road and he was hitting and kicking my dad

This was a very dangerous situation and your mother did what she had to do to defuse the situation. She wasn't "disciplining him" but stopping him from continuing in this very dangerous manner. I'd be thankful that she was able to manage the situation as well as she did.

WhereForArtThouBray · 15/06/2019 15:05

I am also wondering how she squirted it?

To be honest I would be apologising for my child's awful behaviour and glad that she thoyght of the water squirting which seems to have done the trick.

Haworthia · 15/06/2019 15:05

It sounds like he was in complete meltdown (been there, done that this week with my son) she didn’t hurt him, AND it snapped him out of it. So I wouldn’t have a problem with that.

It’s preferable to trying to drive with a hysterical, screaming, thrashing child (been there done that also!) which is dangerous as well as distressing for all involved).

Original poster
AllHail · 15/06/2019 15:06

Thanks all, this is very reassuring. It was from a water bottle, a plastic disposable one.

My DH, who has been on wrong side of Mums temper before and who had a completely non-violent childhood, is fine with it also. My brother, who feels mum was at times borderline abusive towards us, is really upset and is saying he would go NC etc. I don’t agree with my brothers assessment of our childhood at all btw, although there were some dark moments, and also mum and dad have very much mellowed over the years anyway.

OP posts:
HJWT · 15/06/2019 15:09

@AllHail how come they are only using a seat belt if he is only just 3? My DD has breakdowns in the car and needs to be in a 5 point harness with a clip otherwise the same thing would happen.

Original poster
AllHail · 15/06/2019 15:10

He’s in a HBB just with the seatbelt. He’s certainly never done anything like this before.

OP posts:
LettuceP · 15/06/2019 15:12

Also if he's undoing seat belts then he should be in a seat with a 5 point harness. He's young to be in a high back booster. Unless he is but you meant that he undid the straps?

Original poster
AllHail · 15/06/2019 15:13

His car seat is fine with his weight and height

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 15/06/2019 15:13

I think the correct answer here is “thanks mum for handling it so well” rather than NC! Actually, it sounds like a great distracting idea. It was a dangerous situation and needed to be diffused fast

CmdrCressidaDuck · 15/06/2019 15:14

Frankly, I think that it was a smart and resourceful move to resolve a possibly dangerous situation and you should be thanking her for her quick thinking. It was water, not hydrochloric acid.

I would think you also might think about moving him back to a harnessed seat, he's very young for a HBB and evidently you can't trust him to sit properly.

LettuceP · 15/06/2019 15:14

Cross Post. Time to get him back in a seat with a 5 point harness I think OP.

Imnotbent · 15/06/2019 15:15

Is loosening your seat belt and hitting and kicking a parent / grandparent ordinary tantrum behaviour? That must have been quite scary and fortunate that they could pull over and not on a motorway.

I would feel more sick that my parents and my child had been in this very stressful situation than I would about squinting water at him.

CmdrCressidaDuck · 15/06/2019 15:15

It's not about his height and weight, though, is it? A child isn't at all safe in a HBB unless he has the maturity to sit properly and keep the belt on and in the right position.