My mum squirted water in DSs face to discipline him

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I just really need some help with this. I feel sick and conflicted.

DS has just turned 3, he’s in a challenging phase with he occasional tantrum and a fair amount of defiance. Nothing out of the ordinary particularly but he can be trying.

My mum is a lovely fun kind person who adores her grandchildren. She has always taken fabulous care of DS and his elder sister. However, she has a horrible temper, is a bit self centred and was very quick to smack and hit us growing up. She’s never shown any sign of doing anything like that to DC.

She and my dad had DS overnight on Thursday and took him out for the day on Friday. They had a nice day but towards the end it seems he became over tired, they had stopped at a relatives on the way home and had to leave. He then became hysterical in the car and took his seat belt off, they had to pull over on a busy road and he was hitting and kicking my dad so my mum squirted water in DSs face. He stopped hitting and they did his seatbelt up and went home. He was a bit agitated/getting upset quickly the rest of the late afternoon.

Mum told me all this on a text message as dad was on his way home with DS.

Just based on the bare facts of this situation, how would/should you react?

I think your mum was right to have acted the way she did when the situation was getting out of hand.
It wasn’t a smack, it wasn’t dunking his head in water, it was just a quick harmless squirt of water to surprise him.
You should be apologising for your child’s behaviour and thinking about what you can do to discipline your child.

I’m also curious about the number of people saying this is ok. Would it be ok if a childminder did this? Or a parent? Has anyone here done it?

It sounds like it was too much for him. He is 3. Sleepover, then day out, then seeing relatives. That’s a lot.

It also sounds like your father was trying to restrain him and then your mum squirted him? It’s not a pretty picture.

OP listen to your instincts.

For this as a standalone situation I wouldn't worry, however your reaction to it suggests you don't trust your mum not to revert to more harmful physical discipline. However mild (and apparently effective in the situation) this was it was still a physical act. If you do think this might escalate then you can maybe reduce the length of time your ds is with your dm while he's at a difficult stage, or when he might get tired. Even if it doesn't escalate you're evidently still triggered about your mum's treatment of you as a child, as is your db.

The only time I ever slapped my daughter was when she managed to get out of the top half of her five point car seat harness on the motorway and was fighting me while I tried to get it on her while we were pulled into the hard shoulder.

I hated myself for it. But the situation was dangerous and nothing else was working. The shock was enough to buy me the seconds to make her safe. It felt like all I could do at the time.

Your mum's been open and honest about it. I'd draw a line under it.

Tbh I think that since removing the seat belt puts his life at risk, your mum was justified in giving him a shock to allow them to get back safely.

Meh. I'd be fine with it. It's the only time we've smacked any of ours. Getting out of the straps of a car seat is so dangerous. A little squirt of water isn't really an issue. She had to something. They weren't in a safe place.

Presuming a squirt from bottled water? Quick shock, did the job in a stressed situation. Don't overthink it!

I have been on the M1 struggling to control tantrumning kids while DH finds somewhere to pull over. It’s really stressful. In that situation I warned by DH and shouted really loudly (have a loud voice) and it was enough to stun the child into tears for a few precious minutes. Had I been able to climb into the backseat I might have slapped / poured water / or full body restrained them.

If he was physically trying to hurt others while also putting himself and the other passengers in danger I think she did the right thing to pull over and sort him out. Do you think maybe it was an instant reaction and she told you straight away because she shocked herself?

If someone had done that to my DS I would have been okay with it, no harm was actually done. I remember having a phone call from my aunt who told me she purposely braked hard when my DS was unbuckling himself from his car seat when she babysat. She felt awful, and I was quite shocked, but when I look back it was the right thing to do as he will not unbuckle himself now until I ask him too

When I read the heading on this thread, I was ready to say how awful your Mum's behaviour was. However, reading the circumstances behind it, I think it was justified given the difficult situation.