Struggling with friends change of mind over baby

[Millie2018]

My friend and her DH didn’t want children. They were adamant. Not only this but were very vocal about everyone who had children, including myself. Comments to their face about why would anyone want children, they suck you dry, they are horrible etc etc. This was for over 10 yrs. Anyway, a couple of years ago they decide they have changed their minds. 6 months later they are expecting.
Subsequently they have done everything they criticised everyone else for. Spent the whole pregnancy complaining about how horrible being pregnant is, how boring their nct class is, why do they need so much baby stuff - the list is endless.
Since the birth they have been ok parents. Doing the bare minimum to be honest. Lots of ‘letting the baby cry it out’, lots of baby led weaning because making purées is a faff. Lots of can’t wait to go back to work comments. Fair enough. However I have a just received an invitation to the child’s christening (with gift list). I just can’t stomach going for the day and watching them act as if this child is the most precious gift, when really their words and actions say something else.
Should I decline the invite? Should I go and plaster on a smile, it’s one day after all. I just feel as hypocritical as them going.

[CoraPirbright]

Good grief! I would decline and then also ditch the friends. They sound like horrible twats!

[Soola]

Don’t spend your time and money on people who you don’t have anything in common with except that you know them.

[waterandmilk]

lots of baby led weaning because making purées is a faff.
Purées are unnecessary and the current advice is not to bother with that and that BLWeaning is much better
Apart from that why keep this friendship? You resent them and dislike them, just ditch them.

[Absolutepowercorrupts]

You appear to really intensely dislike these people, don't go and tell them why, then you won't be friends anymore.

[Ivestoppedreadingthenews]

Don’t go. I have lots of friends without children but I have no time for anyone who can’t make basic effort with my kids or make some attempt to understand my life involves being a mum. I would have let them go a long time ago. They sound like a real drain.

[Rhiannon87]

They may have been vocal with their dislike because they thought they would struggle to concieve.

I was told I wouldn't be able to have children and often told people I didn't have kids cos I didn't like them - it was easier and less painful especially when questioned by strangers.

I hope I was never that rude though - especially as Im expecting a surprise baby - I'd hate to be thought of as a hypocrite.
But leave them crack on, as long as the child is in no danger from their parenting style. You don't HAVE to go to the christening or buy a gift. Sometimes its a case of "Smile and wave!"

[Damntheman]

Why are you even still friends with these people?

[Millie2018]

A real drain sums them up nicely! I wish I had the courage to ditch them, but there is something in my conscious that won’t allow me too. I guess it feels mean of me, but I actually feel like I’m getting nothing from the friendship anymore.

[NewAccount270219]

Don't go to the christening of the child of people you clearly hate. Don't be friends with them either. Don't tell them why though - it's incredibly horrible to tell new parents that you think they're shit parents 'doing the bare minimum'.

It's clear that they can't win in your eyes. Doing BLW is a valid choice (and it involves quite a lot of clean-up work!), but you've decided it makes them lazy. Making different choices about sleep is a valid point of disagreement, but not the proof they're shit parents you seem to have decided. If they moan then you judge them for that, if they go to the effort of holding an event to celebrate their child then you decide that makes them hypocrites.

They don't sound great, but I don't think you do either, really.

[yummyscummymummy01]

They are not your friends, you clearly dislike them. For everyone's sake stop the friendship with them. I would never want to be friends with someone who thought so little of me.

[Tinyteatime]

Strange. I’d actually bet they were ttc a lot longer than they let on and that was their way of coping. Some people find the idea that they had to try really hard to get pregnant oddly embarrassing (not sure why because most couples do have to try).

[NewAccount270219]

I wish I had the courage to ditch them, but there is something in my conscious that won’t allow me too

Assuming you mean conscience... I don't think your friendship is the huge gift to these people you hate that you seem to think it is.

[Millie2018]

I thought posting in chat rather then AIBU might avoid a barrage of criticism, but obviously not.

[ChodeofChodeHall]

lots of baby led weaning because making purées is a faff

Wow, how unbearably pretentious of them

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

It sounds to me like they've wanted children all along and were maybe struggling. With the greatest respect its called protesting too much.
Its easier to pretend you don't want something than feel the pain of not being able to have something you desire.
Its like I don't want anymore kids. However I'm not vocal about it.

[NewAccount270219]

It might not be that they thought they couldn't have children - it might just be that they grew up. I don't mean in changing their mind about having children - deciding not to have them is as valid and mature a choice as deciding to have a child - but in their immature sounding rhetoric. I had friends who said things like this in their early 20s and many of them still don't want children now but are much more measured and thoughtful in their comments.

If OP had ended the friendship because they were making these nasty and immature comments then fair enough. It's the staying friends with them but then continuing to hold it against them and sitting in judgement on their parenting as some sort of revenge that paints the OP in a less than flattering light.

[sar302]

I think you've had negative feedback because you're trying to use their parenting decisions as a justification for not liking them. There's nothing that you've written that screams abuse, or lack of care, or even anything that loads of women haven't said before "pregnancy is shit / I can't wait to go back to work / children are shit - but my child's amazing" etc.

If you don't like them, just don't be friends!

[MrsMiggins37]

I don’t know why you’ve been given a hard time, people on here would argue black was white for the sake of it. They don’t sound nice people and they sound pretty lazy, shit parents as well.

As for the BLW thing it wasn’t really a “thing” when I had my first so I did do the purées but I’ll freely admit I embraced it when my second came along because doing purées was dull and BLW was FAR easier, and in this respect anyway, I was lazy. Letting a tiny baby who needs comfort cry it out though is not just lazy it’s poor parenting.

They don’t sound nice people. Don’t go to the christening or indeed any event and just let the friendship fizzle out.

[LadySainsburySeal]

It sounds to me like they've wanted children all along and were maybe struggling. With the greatest respect its called protesting too much

^^ I agree.

[53rdWay]

I have friends who did the “ugh, why would anyone want CHILDREN, ugh babies, parents are soooo boring” thing for years and years and then decided they wanted children after all. It did grate a bit for a while but they’re fine and a lot less sneery now.

You sound like you’re still pretty fed up with these people, so I wouldn’t go along to the baby’s christening just to seethe through it.

[CaMePlaitPas]

Making purees is a faff, I did it and I don't want to do it again thanks so no third for me!

Aside from that, I'd ditch the friends OP, I feel desperately sorry for the baby though.

[Jsmith99]

They sound hypocritical and awful. You sound sanctimonious and judgmental. Why are you friends with people you clearly despise?

[GreytExpectations]

Ditch the friend! I had a friend who was the equivalent but with getting married (she said all sorts of crap about marriage while I was planning my own wedding). Lo and behold a few months later and she is engaged . I couldn't take her two facing and negativity much longer so cut the friendship. Unsurprisingly, I'm not invited to the wedding and I don't think i'd have been able to sit there without rolling my eyes constantly anyway

[FriarTuck]

I don’t know why you’ve been given a hard time, people on here would argue black was white for the sake of it. They don’t sound nice people and they sound pretty lazy, shit parents as well.
This ^^. I'd not go and I'd try to distance myself.

[GreytExpectations]

It sounds to me like they've wanted children all along and were maybe struggling. With the greatest respect its called protesting too much

Even if that was the case why doee that give them the right to say horrible things about children to the parents?