Struggling with friends change of mind over baby

[Millie2018]

My friend and her DH didn’t want children. They were adamant. Not only this but were very vocal about everyone who had children, including myself. Comments to their face about why would anyone want children, they suck you dry, they are horrible etc etc. This was for over 10 yrs. Anyway, a couple of years ago they decide they have changed their minds. 6 months later they are expecting.
Subsequently they have done everything they criticised everyone else for. Spent the whole pregnancy complaining about how horrible being pregnant is, how boring their nct class is, why do they need so much baby stuff - the list is endless.
Since the birth they have been ok parents. Doing the bare minimum to be honest. Lots of ‘letting the baby cry it out’, lots of baby led weaning because making purées is a faff. Lots of can’t wait to go back to work comments. Fair enough. However I have a just received an invitation to the child’s christening (with gift list). I just can’t stomach going for the day and watching them act as if this child is the most precious gift, when really their words and actions say something else.
Should I decline the invite? Should I go and plaster on a smile, it’s one day after all. I just feel as hypocritical as them going.

You don't like them, they don't appear to care about you, either. I don't see why you need courage to ditch them, there is no friendship, is there? Both parties just perform a friendship. Whatever for? Turn it down, drop them quietly.

Oh I really wouldn't go.
And if you don't go then I think you'll find that the friendship you have, such as it is, will peter out.
Especially if you don't buy an expensive present off the gift list.

So win-win, really!

I never mentioned the words "It was right". I just saying what I thought.
I didn't say "They were right to say it," did I

I wish I had the courage to ditch them, but there is something in my conscious that won’t allow me too.

But your conscience is OK with you posting on Mumsnet slagging them off!! An odd thing, your conscience.

OP, decline the invite and just fade them out. You clearly dislike them. You are not a good friend to them.

A gift list for a christening? Is that a thing? (misses point of thread) Anyway, you really don't like these people and they probably don't like you much, so step away.

I think some posters are being too harsh on the OP. They are complaining she is judging her friends but its OK for her friends to have judged her for having kids? Weird and hypocritical.

Since when did Christenings come with a gift list?

You sound way overinvested in their choices. If they annoy you that much don’t go. It’s an invitation, not a summons, and I’m sure they’d be mortified to learn that you thought of them like this.

Gift list 😂😂😂

DH and I didn't plan to have children until a last-minute change of mind when I was almost 40, we did BLW, loathed our NCT class and I couldn't wait to get back to work -- none of this makes us inadquate parents. You sound etremely judgemental.

Your comments about their parenting style are horrible. Plenty of people do BLW (I don't because it's messy!). Research shows sleep training isn't harmful to babies - I know most Mumsnetters don't do it, but it's a perfectly valid choice and not a sign of a poor parent. Feeling excited about returning to work is normal - I'm on mat leave atm and I can't wait to go back (part-time). I love my child but I really enjoy my job too. I think part-time work will give me the best of both worlds. That doesn't make me a bad mother.

You sound unnecessarily judgy of perfectly valid choices that happen to differ from your own.

I think the BLW is a red herring here. OP is trying to explain how the parents seem like they can't be bothered to do much for their baby in general.

We did BLW and purées and I think BLW is a good choice but I still understand what the OP is trying to say here.

I think some posters are being too harsh on the OP. They are complaining she is judging her friends but its OK for her friends to have judged her for having kids? Weird and hypocritical.

I can't find a single pp who said that the couple described in the OP sound like lovely, reasonable people. What pp, including me, have said is that they sound pretty dreadful, but OP isn't exactly covering herself in glory here either. She seems to be relishing setting herself up as the judge of these people (and clearly started this thread so that a load of strangers could join in with declaring how terrible these clearly relatively new parents are), and also seems to think her friendship is some great glittering prize. That's what getting her criticism - but it doesn't mean people think the other couple have behaved well either.

they have been ok parents. Doing the bare minimum to be honest. Lots of ‘letting the baby cry it out’, lots of baby led weaning because making purées is a faff. Lots of can’t wait to go back to work comments.
That must mean I'm only 'ok' then as I've done all of these. I had to let my son cry it out as he would have never been able to settle himself if I didn't. Now he's an amazing sleeper! And BLWeaning is the way to go IMO, DS1 has 0 issues with food, will try anything, feeds himself etc. Plus I couldn't WAIT to get back to work, does this mean I'm merely 'ok'?

Other than my slight rant at that comment OP, I think your friends sound more faff than making purées. Dump them

Please back off and end this fake friendship. I hope you're not one of my friends

Oh OP don't you know? You must never, ever say anything which could be interpreted as even slightly negative about BLW on MN! You've sealed your fate there!

But there's a massive difference to doing it because its the right choice for you & your baby, and doing it because you can put some veg sticks on a tray & not arse about cooking, which I think was the point.

They sound like drains with all that moaning, I'd distance myself for that reason alone.

But hopefully much of what they're saying this is all bluster for laughs 'oh were so shit' etc. & actually they're loving parents IRL.

But there's a massive difference to doing it because its the right choice for you & your baby, and doing it because you can put some veg sticks on a tray & not arse about cooking, which I think was the point.

How does the baby know the difference? Are the veg sticks different if they've been put on the tray with love and care, or just because you're 'not arsed about cooking'?

You sound unnecessarily judgy of perfectly valid choices that happen to differ from your own

Heaven help anyone who diverts from the various MN mantra, I'd love to be around in 20 years time when the officlal 'advice' is totally different from that of today and these parents see their grandchildren beng brought up in a way they don't like! It was the way in the '70s to put a baby on its front to sleep, subsequently this has changed but it doesn't mean we were bad parents.

A Christenining gift li

A gift list for a christening would put me off going, besides all the other crap. Don't go. You don't feel they are genuine. I'd distance myself from them altogether given your feelings towards them. Why bother with them if you have totally different views on parenting and are sick listening to them for years?

Honestly don’t over think this at all, decline the invitation, let the friendship drift

And don’t let MN get to you either, they do sound very trying tbh and I don’t think I’d be happy to watch that kind of parenting

You clearly don't like them so they aren't friends, are they?

Decline and let the friendship die a natural death. They sound both judgy and grabby and that’s an annoying combination.

You sound unnecessarily judgy of perfectly valid choices that happen to differ from your own

But her friends did exactly the same thing to her first.

Making purées is shite and unnecessary, BLW is actually better so that point isn’t valid.

CIO is lousy parenting though and they don’t sound like the most enthusiastic parents. Just ditch them, you clearly don’t like them very much.