How much of a say to you allow your children?

[MeatBall3000]

I have 4 year old twin girls, due to start reception in September. They've been together through nursery for the last 2 years with no issues.

The school they're attending has a 2 form entry. The school wanted to split them.
After talking it through with them (my children) they're adamant they want to stay together. So I spoke to the school a while ago and they agreed they could be in the same class.

But now I'm doubting my decision.
I felt they may be better off separated... no particular reason why, it just seems to be the done thing with the twins I've come across.
Would you have taken their opinion into consideration? Or am I a fool for allowing a couple of 4 year olds to sway my decision?

How much consideration do you give to your own kids opinions? And at what age?

Gah... typo in the title.. you get the gist (jist?)

Well it's too late now. See how they get on, they can be seperated next year if it's needed.

I wouldn't have allowed it though, I trust schools opinions on these things. They have more experience. But it won't hurt.

With this particular issue one major input would be whether school mixes classes yearly or once classes are set they stay. If the latter I'd have gone for a split.
Generally I think although I would have sounded them out, I would have told them it wasn't their choice it would be the school's. Just because they wanted to be together (or apart) it wouldn't necessarily be the best choice. And what if one twin wanted to be together and the other apart? Then you would have to 'favour' one of them.

For my DDs we made it clear that secondary school was our choice, taking into account their input. We felt that at 10 they did not have enough of a rounded view or maturity to make such an important decision.
Even for GCSE options we made sure they were fully informed, and reached agreement with them.

Thanks both. Part of me feels that it's great they can go through it together but the other part of me feels I've done them an injustice by not forcing their independence.

They will be together now until year 3 when they mix the classes again. I hope I've not made the wrong decision.

@TeenTimesTwo agree with you on the secondary school issue.

Rearranged for juniors might work out really well.
They have each other for infants. It means in the world of 'whole class parties' your life will be easier.
Then when they hit y3 you can request they be separated if that seems best at the time.

I can see why the school does this but I always think it's a bit of a shame when they split twins up. I would have done the same as you.

Our school separates twins in primary 1 if there's more than one class. Our headmistress says it's due to people tending to lump twins together as one person and they can fall through the cracks a bit. Which totally makes sense, I worried about them being apart too.

Ours will be in one big class of 44 this year but will have separate teachers on opposite sides of the room and will be split up totally in primary 2.

I would have done the same as you. It’s a hard world out there for kids at times and I think dealing with the loss of such a close sibling in this way is more than they need. Of course there are risks that they will not mingle in the same way but perhaps you can just focus on separate activities and friendships outside of school? I’m sure I saw a thread about this recently with a mum who had triplets and the school wanted to have two in one class and the more ‘confident one’ in another. Seems harsh to me.

There are plenty of twins who do just fine in the same class, where they have no choice because they’re in a single form entry school. I think we underestimate the support that twins give each other sometimes, and I couldn’t split my (hypothetical) twins up if they’d asked to be together, even if they were only 4.

Our twins were together from reception to the end of KS1 (so, Year 2). The school consulted with us before the start of each new year, and we made the decision we felt would be best for them - and, actually, for us. We didn't have a 'dominant' twin; they were pretty social by the time they started school; and frankly, as two working parents, having just one calendar of classroom activities and assemblies to keep an eye on worked for our family!

By the start of KS2, they needed that little extra push of independence - and they've been in separate classes ever since (they're now Y9).

Oh thank you all, you've made me feel so much better about it! I have actually been losing sleep over this 😂
The girls will be be happy together, I know that much.
I do worry about them being lumped together as "the twins" but I think I'll have a chat with the teacher and ask for them to be separated for certain things.

Bloody difficult this parenting stuff is.

@multivac see, there is no dominant twin with mine either. They brush along nicely together, but they each have their own personalities and interests.

I couldn't find a strong enough reason to split them just yet... so when they said they wanted to be together I just went with it.
I'm still a bit unsure though.

If it helps, I’m a twin who was kept together in school and it was fine! I think you’ve done the right thing letting them have their say

@firawla thank you. I think that's the thing that's bothering me... I let them make the decision in a way and I'm not sure if I should have.

I don't have twins, but for your twins, they want to be together, no dominant twin etc , I think you have made the right choice. My DD started school with her best friend from nursery (I know it's not at all the same thing but they are very close). They've always been in same class, now Yr3. I worried about that, but they have other friends, sometimes play together sometimes don't. It'll be fine. Again, I think you've made right decision

@GaraMedouar I often forget that they are twins (weird, I know) they are just sisters to me but I do see them as being best friends so I agree it's pretty much the same thing! I understand why teachers don't see it that way though.
Thanks though... this has really been keeping me awake at night!

The twins in DD class were kept together for ks1 then separated in ks2.
They are boy/girl twins and the boy really struggled in September and his Mam was worried, whereas the girl thrived. However, now we’re a few terms in both twins are doing well.

No more sleepless nights then! oh, and logistics wise will be soooooo much easier , same parents evening, class assembly, class trips, swimming lessons etc it’s a win win.

I have twin DBs they are nearly 9, they and 2 other set of twins in their year were all seperated. Our laid back/shy twin has really come out of his shell. It's my understanding this in normally in most shcools that twins are put in different classes

I thought you were going to ask about which jumper to wear, or something inconsequential.
Of course I wouldn't consult 4 yr olds who have no concept of what you are talking about, about such an important choice. they have no concept of what school is, or what it is like to be one in a class of 30, or that other people don't have a twin, probably, even. Obviously they are going to want what they know.

@BackforGood so you wouldn't of taken their thoughts into consideration at all?

No. They are 4. They have no concept of school, nor the implications of the choice either way. Their brains aren't developed enough to make a choice of that magnitude. That is a choice for informed adults - ie, the parents, who have asked questions of teaching staff and also from other parents of multiples who have been there before.

If they were at our school there would be no choice anyway (small Primary) mixed year group classes.

My own DDs (not twins but one year group apart) were in the same class for the majority of their primary education with no ill effect.

As for your twins I think it's good for them to see you taking their wishes seriously.

My 6yo DTs are in the same class (single entry) and are having a great experience at school. Their teachers have been great at putting them in separate groups for different activities and encouraging them both to develop their own strengths.

Interestingly they apparently rarely interact in class but are stuck together like glue at break times and lunch!

I think this is too big a decision to leave to them. I'm not saying you did wrong - it sounds like if you've had a strong view you've have overruled them as it were. That bit is important. Ultimately you need to own the decision and not hold them responsible for it, because you have the life experience to call it more than they do.