Is anyone up for a chat about whatever? I'm bored and feeling rather shit

[VladmirsPoutine]

Tell me what's going on in your life. Today is pretty shit going for me. Anyone about?

Yes of course it is. You can't ever 'get over' someone like that. I think if you accept that it might be easier, in time? Like it just becomes a new part of you and what you carry?

Life's experiences are what make you, you. Doesn't mean that bad ones make you a worse person, just a different person. And that's OK. We're constantly changing and being shaped by our experiences (good and bad) and the people around us. It is what it is. And it's OK to be angry, too.

@SmellMySmellbow Is it asking too much of the world to just want to be me again without the constant up and downs about her. I know death is the only certainty in life but I thought she'd stick around longer than just our 30s. She was my most favourite person in the world and she's gone and left me dealing with this shit.

Oh doll. Yes, it is. It sucks, it's fucking awful and desperately unfair. You will always have the ups and downs, I think. But they will level out a bit more, with time. I'm so, so sorry. You are you, even with the ups and downs. Just a different version of you. Not worse, though. Not to those that love you. Sending a big cwtch and an awful cocktail.

I'm just so angry with her today of all days. We came into this life together and we spent our lives pretty much together yet she left me. I just really miss her. I know and understand that I have to move on but she and I were literally two sides of the same coin. It's a very different thing when you're twins. It's like half my soul died.

Sending you big hugs. I don’t know what else to say - your post made me cry. You and your sister both sound amazing. Life is bloody cruel. I cry every day about my lovely rescue dog I lost a few months ago. I miss him so much. xxx you are loved by all of us xxxx and smell my elbow you are so funny - we need people like you! Love the duck billed platypus and the husband dialogue x

A friends been going through a tough week and every spare second has been checking in on her etc. I told her today I wasn't feeling great and she's not replied. I want to say something but I'm probabily over reacting and I really shouldn't say anything when I'm feeling this way as I usually regret it.

To be angry is a very normal stage of grief

I’m so sorry Vlad .... how distressing for you.

my aunts were identical twins and one passed fairly young ... the other was bereft as you would expect...
she never got over it she just eventually learned to live with it and said some days she “lived with it better than other days “

She did say repeatedly that she felt a sense of purpose as she took a very active role in helping to bring up her sisters children.
One had 2 boys the other had 2 girls ...

Please try to be kind to yourself...

Vlad I'm so so sorry to read about your anniversary today, that's so awful. I have twin boys and just cannot imagine .... of course it's ok never to get over her death, I would feel the same about my sister too and she's not even a twin. Big hugs

Just wrote a long post (more upbeat) and for some reason it didn't go live so am writing a different one.

I'm a twin too, and although non-identical, Vladimir, your description runs so true. You're right in that they are our 'other half'. You grow up with exactly the same life experiences, and you feel as comfortable with them as you would do by yourself (more so than any other friends or love partners I've found). And as a result they naturally make you laugh more than any person in the world. The pure belly laughter is extreme! (did you find that?!).

You also feel so special as twins - so unique and kind of cool, and you feel a bit sad for others who haven't got one.

Zara sounds so amazing, like a person who bought joy around her. And it's lovely that by creating this thread, her memory has already spread to so many strangers' hearts, and not just for the people who post, also for the thousands who have read this thread and not posted.

To you and Zara

Yes i think expecting to 'get over it' or to 'move on' is too much. I don't think you really will. But that doesn't mean you can't find ways to cope with it and have happiness.

Also, on the more chat-based talk, my parents came to visit my new flat today (yeah, nearly forty and just got on the property ladder, get me ). After they left I decamped to a local pub and am on my third large glass of wine! I thought about seeing if friends were around to join but thought eff it 'mumsnet company will do me just fine!'

@heartshapedpositnotes You've captured the essence of Zara and I so well. We were exactly like that. We looked the same, we were so identical our parents used to get annoyed with us for switching. We understood each other without even having to speak. We could complete each other's sentences. We laughed and cried at the same things. She was my best friend and my worst enemy. She was literally me and I was her. She and I had plans to retire to the Caribbean when we turned 70. She wasn't supposed to leave.

Heart shaped - cheers! Was it that bad?

Actually OP we had an amazing time thank you so much. They admired the flat (it's so cute if I do say so myself) then went for a lovely walk and for lunch. We had oysters! They had to leave cause they had to make a detour before the hour and a half journey home.

It's funny all the things you say about you and Zara. My twin has a husband (I'm very happily single - we're also in our thirties, late thirties for us) and he just has to roll his eyes at our 'jokes'. You can literally say one word and you both just literally have that laughter that bends you over and you can't stop for a few mins! #thingsthatonlytwinsknow

Identical switching over though, I've always thought 'oh my god, I'm lucky to have a non-identical twin, wouldn't it be weird to have someone that looks exactly like me'.?!!! People could also say that if you're non-identical you may get compared more. But I like to think that we're both beautiful in our own way, and if someone likes her instead, can't blame him, she's gorgeous and he must be into blonds rather than brunettes!

Or into her different personality, because that's what everyone can see in twins, our own uniqueness.

How's the vodka cranberry going?

Not well @Frownette I just want to be with my sister today. I keep thinking of her and all the things I'd want to tell her. She wrote me a letter when she got ill and I read it most of today. I just want her back here with me.

Wow what an incredible connection you had - sounds like it was awesome and so much fun - almost like you could never be lonely. Were your life choices similar or completely different?

Raising a glass to you and your sis - and good for you for being angry and hurt and happy and sad at the same time - it sounds like you actually are moving on, but grief, it just plain hurts. Here's to you x

Oysters! how fabulous!
I hope this is not the wrong thing to say and I apologise if it is - but I am not close to my sister at all (her choice) causes me a lot of sadness and depression. When you can - celebrate that you had that great bond and such fun together and gave each other such joy x

@eartshapedpositnotes I really loved hearing about you and your twin. I and Zara were identical. In every sense. Zara is the kind of woman who'd help you bury the body in the backyard iyswim?

Are you and your twin very close?

DS made a cracking carrot cake today. I invited my children to compete for my favour by making me fantastic cakes. The 11yo is very keen on this challenge!

funny enough, I was thinking about my Dad's ID twin today. Eldest cousin believes in stem cell infusions & all sorts of woo magic vitamins. Cousin has Uncle taking these therapies. It's a natural experiment. Which twin will live longer?

My brothers are also ID twins. Twin2 has smoked 40/day for last 40+ yrs. He also has Hep C. I have no idea how Twin2 is still alive... but tbf, twin1 isn't looking much healthier (yes occasional smoker but not HepC).