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Original poster

would you make space for a house guest even if you had no room?

93 replies

aprilviolets · 29/05/2019 13:43

my cousin lives overseas and has started visiting the UK on an annual basis. There are five of us and we have no spare bedrooms. The last time she visited, my seventeen year old had to give up her room (rather reluctantly, can't say I blame her, not sure I should've asked her to) and sleep on the sofa for a week. We don't have the space for house guests really.
She's due to visit again next year and I'm not sure it's ok to keep asking my teenagers to give up their bedrooms for a week. Or is this a normal thing to do/ask? Do your teens/kids give up their rooms for visiting guests? We never go her her country as it's 3 plane journeys away and costs a fortune to travel there, so not a reciprocal arrangement either!

OP posts:
mbosnz · 29/05/2019 13:45

Um, no. If we don't have a spare room, people can't stay. Certainly not for more than a night, two at most.

pinkyredrose · 29/05/2019 13:46

It's a totally normal thing to do for family! Your DC could learn a valuable lesson in courtesy and consideration.

madcatladyforever · 29/05/2019 13:47

Yes it's only once a year. I usually give up my room though as I'm fine sleeping on the sofa. I don't have a partner though.

Original poster
aprilviolets · 29/05/2019 13:48

well yes, I can see that point of view too.
As a guest myself, if I know the host has a spare room, I'm happy to stay with them. I'd be uncomfortable at the thought of borrowing someone else's room for a week though and forcing them onto the sofa. I just don't know what the overall 'norm' is or if I'm an overly polite house guest!

OP posts:
Pipandmum · 29/05/2019 13:49

Can she not afford a hotel? How close to her are you? Can she (your guest) sleep on the sofa? I’d only give up a bedroom if the relative was elderly. We do have a spare room but if more guests come then either my daughter shares my bed (no husband) or the kids visiting stay on air mattresses in other kids rooms. But seems like you need to give your visitor a list of hotels.

ExpletiveDelighted · 29/05/2019 13:50

Mine do, but we try and arrange visits to be weekends and school holidays or keep it to one or two nights if termtime unavoidable. Definitely not around exam times.

JeezOhGeeWhizz · 29/05/2019 13:50

I presume this individual is aware that she's putting your child on the sofa. I hope she at least brings a gift for the person whose bed she's in.

timeforakinderworld · 29/05/2019 13:50

Can you not get an air bed? We don't have a guest room but if family visit we make room! It's only one week.

ClassyArse · 29/05/2019 13:51

Depends on the family relationship. I wouldn’t normally expect it for a cousin but would absolutely expect it for a parent / grandparent.

HollowTalk · 29/05/2019 13:51

Why is she coming here? If it's work, they should be paying. If it's a holiday, why is she planning to come here when she can't afford accommodation?

I'd say no this time.

Original poster
aprilviolets · 29/05/2019 13:52

yeah, she wants to come next summer, which will fall on exam days for my middle dc. I'm not sure I can ask her to be forced out of her bedroom during exams. It was different when they were little..as they're now teens, their bedrooms are very personal spaces with their school work, books, writing, artwork, clothes, makeup etc

OP posts:
ILiveInSalemsLot · 29/05/2019 13:52

We put an air bed in the other dcs room for a couple of nights and dcs all share a bit squished, guest has a room.

AbbyHammond · 29/05/2019 13:52

I'd offer your cousin the sofa.

Original poster
aprilviolets · 29/05/2019 13:54

bedrooms are all small, so no space for an airbed on the floor

OP posts:
holdupwaitamin · 29/05/2019 13:55

Air bed on floor of lounge?

CakeNinja · 29/05/2019 13:55

Do you just have the 2 bedrooms?
Could your daughter share with another sibling for a week?
I’m surprised she’s always home every night to be honest, I was out more than I was home when I was that age!
If we have guests staying, depending on who they are they take the spare room (small 4ft double for one person), if they are elderly or in the case of one relative of mine, disabled and needs access to mains electricity and room around the bed etc we give them our bed. Other times, if there are more guests, the 2 teens share a room and we free up either our room or the spare aswell as the teens room.
My dad once came to stay for 10 weeks, he had the sofa bed in the dining room for some reason.
Anyway, I don’t think it’s unreasonable to either say you don’t have the space, tell her she can sleep on the sofa or ask your teen dd to vacate the room for a week. She’s within her rights to say no after all!
I’m the complete opposite and would hate staying in someone else’s house that was already cramped, hotel every time!

FriarTuck · 29/05/2019 13:55

The cousin can have the sofa. Or your bed. And definitely doesn't visit during exams!

AnotherEmma · 29/05/2019 13:56

For a night or two, yes. (Not during exams though.)

For a week, no.

Offer your cousin the sofa or suggest one or two Airbnb type options.

Original poster
aprilviolets · 29/05/2019 13:58

I'm the same @CakeNinja. If I can clearly see they don't have the space for me, I get a hotel room! I wouldn't assume that I can take someone's bedroom. It would be a cold day in hell before the teenagers would share a room, lol!!! (both their rooms are small and not big enough to sleep two, especially two who fight quite a lot!) The. youngest one has a high sleeper in a tiny room so that's not an option either really.

OP posts:
JeezOhGeeWhizz · 29/05/2019 13:58

No way should she have to give up her bedroom during her exams.

fedup21 · 29/05/2019 13:59

Nope-I would definitely have no house guests during exam time. Has she already said she’s coming?

Will it have to be with you?

Damntheman · 29/05/2019 14:00

Oh wow no, bedrooms are private spaces that are sacred to teens! I would never ask my kids to give up their bedrooms for guests. I might ask them to share their rooms if the guests had kids of similar ages, but never give their rooms up.

Any adult guest visiting is welcome to have the sofa, I'd make space that way but if I had no bedrooms free then the sofa is the offer.

greenwaterbottle · 29/05/2019 14:01

I'd reply sorry no can do as it's exam time. Then hopefully they'll take the hint.

churchthecat · 29/05/2019 14:01

I don't think it's reasonable to expect a teen sitting exams to have their sleeping arrangement disturbed.

Do you actually invite her to stay? Or does she just assume?

I would say that she is welcome to sleep on the sofa, but she might be more comfortable in a hotel considering that the house will be a quiet space for teen to revise.

AbbyHammond · 29/05/2019 14:01

Are you inviting this guest, or is she requesting you host her?