would you make space for a house guest even if you had no room?

[aprilviolets]

my cousin lives overseas and has started visiting the UK on an annual basis. There are five of us and we have no spare bedrooms. The last time she visited, my seventeen year old had to give up her room (rather reluctantly, can't say I blame her, not sure I should've asked her to) and sleep on the sofa for a week. We don't have the space for house guests really.
She's due to visit again next year and I'm not sure it's ok to keep asking my teenagers to give up their bedrooms for a week. Or is this a normal thing to do/ask? Do your teens/kids give up their rooms for visiting guests? We never go her her country as it's 3 plane journeys away and costs a fortune to travel there, so not a reciprocal arrangement either!

I'm quite laid back about house guests but there is no way I'd expect my teenage DD to give up her room, particularly if she had exams on.

Er, no.

M the other side of the coin we live abroad and bought our house on the premise that it had a guest room : which actually gets used very rarely! Waste of money tbh

It’s only recntly that families expect every child to have their own room. I shared until I left home and my own kids happily share with visiting friends and cousins. We often have people sleeping on the floor. It’s called hospitality.
If one teenager is doing exams they need space but can’t someone else give up their bed or share while the visitors are with you?

It's not that recent Matt. My siblings and I all had our own rooms growing up and as spanned from the 60s to early 80s.

Cant you give up your bed?

When our kids were small we had a sofa bed. When visitors came, sometimes we gave up our room and used the sofa bed, sometimes the visitors used the sofa bed.

When we moved to our current house, eldest DS was offered the biggest room with the double bed if he was happy to give it up for visitors and bunk in with DS2 when necessary.

Now some of our kids have moved out we have a guest room.

I would never let anyone stay at our house at exam time.

I'd explain why it's really not happening and point her to a nearby Premier Inn with cheap room deals if she wants to stay in the area.

No, I wouldn’t, unless it’s some sort of emergency.
You didn’t invite your cousin so you’re not responsible for her sleeping arrangements. You don’t have spare room - you can’t help her.

I'm sorry most of these suggestions are daft, it's simple 'no we don't have the room/exam time' or 'get a hotel you CF' your cousin can afford long haul travel she can pay for a hotel. No way would I have DD on the sofa for weeks and especially not at exam time. Your cousin sounds a user.

Normally I see no problem with kids sharing rooms to make space for a guest, I wouldn't put them on the sofa though, only in with a sibling (or young child in with parents and give the guest the high sleeper) - I'd rather take the sofa myself. I wouldn't want my child to have nowhere to go until the rest of us had gone to bed!

My first thought too was that if cousin is paying for such a long plane journey especially to visit you, hospitality is the least you can offer in return.

But exam time - absolutely not! You want the house quieter not busier.
I'd maybe contribute to an air B&B nearby (if she was indeed only coming to see me, and not only seeing me cos it's convenient for something else)

To put into perspective op I’ve had my sil and her fiancé stay 6 months (cultural reasons they slept separately) my bil stay 2 years and various cousins and uncles for up to week each.

You sound like a mug, tbf.

We also didn't used to have a "tradition" of people taking annual holidays from far away, assuming that family would pick up the costs. That's taking the piss about "sense of family"

True family is also sensitive to the needs of family - which includes being aware about family members who are studying for exams and not wanting to disturb them

I wouldn’t inconvenience myself for a random or someone I didn’t care about. I would for a beloved family member.

This reminds me that every school holiday my grandmother would visit for at least a week and would be put up in my bedroom and I had to sleep on a camping bed in my sister’s room. It was awful, I couldn’t get to my clothes, toys or books and all I wanted was to have some peace and quiet to chill out. Couldn’t have any friends to play. Had to listen and sit with her all day and she’d only talk about knitting. There’s a really good message from an earlier poster that said that now kids are older and also exam time, use that if you’re not used to saying no and need a template to follow.

My daughter has to give her room up for guests, but she got the biggest room and that comes with it. I wouldn't have a guest during exams though.

I think it is totally different for Grandparents or siblings. But i do feel different about cousin's unless you are particularly close to them.

While the cost of flights might be high, it's possibly still working out as a 'cheap' holiday for the cousin. No accommodation costs and probably not paying the true cost of food, cooking and washing facilities.

I think it's unfair for your daughter to be forced onto the sofa for a week because your cousin is coming to visit. Space is really important to teenagers.

I'd say give up your bed, since you're the one she's there to visit. If that's not possible, tell her to get a hotel. If that's not possible, then she'll have to think of something else herself.

I'm all for siblings having to share a room for a night or two when visitors stay but you clearly don't have the space for this: and it's exam revision time so definitely not on.
Explain it all to your cousin.