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Original poster

would you make space for a house guest even if you had no room?

93 replies

aprilviolets · 29/05/2019 13:43

my cousin lives overseas and has started visiting the UK on an annual basis. There are five of us and we have no spare bedrooms. The last time she visited, my seventeen year old had to give up her room (rather reluctantly, can't say I blame her, not sure I should've asked her to) and sleep on the sofa for a week. We don't have the space for house guests really.
She's due to visit again next year and I'm not sure it's ok to keep asking my teenagers to give up their bedrooms for a week. Or is this a normal thing to do/ask? Do your teens/kids give up their rooms for visiting guests? We never go her her country as it's 3 plane journeys away and costs a fortune to travel there, so not a reciprocal arrangement either!

OP posts:

fedup21 · 29/05/2019 14:29

can't imagine she'd be happy at being in the lounge, as it's a busy thoroughfare and often the dogs sleep in there too! She'd get under my feet in the lounge too. She always travels with two massive suitcases and I can't imagine her wanting to live out of cases in the lounge.

She's definitely coming, but is just throwing around suggestions at the moment.

She sounds like a CF to me!

How about you throw around the suggestion that she stays in a hotel?!

daisypond · 29/05/2019 14:30

Yes, normal for us for teens to give up their room for visiting guests.

Time40 · 29/05/2019 14:30

can't imagine she'd be happy at being in the lounge, as it's a busy thoroughfare and often the dogs sleep in there too!

And you're thinking of asking your dd to be in there? Seriously? You can't do that to your poor daughter. Either offer the cousin the sofa, or tell her that it's just not possible for her to stay.

ohhelpohnoitsa · 29/05/2019 14:31

I would get in very early and say no this time, any disruption in the house at exam /revision time will just add to the tension. I think its a perfectly valid reason with sufficient notice that the relative can make alternative arrangements. It might also stop it being an annual event for you....unless of course the visit enhances everyones life so much that the disruption is worthwhile.

NameChange92 · 29/05/2019 14:33

No houseguests during exams.

For grandparents / as a one off for other elderly relatives yes to teen giving up bedroom - but absolutely not during exams. In fact i’d say only during school holidays, it’s important kids/teens get a good night sleep when they have school.

For any other situations offer them the sofa/ an air bed in the lounge.

HollowTalk · 29/05/2019 14:34

"Hi Cousin

It will be lovely to see you when you're over next and it would be good to meet up for a meal. Unfortunately the house is so cramped now with the children growing up so quickly and not always getting along, so we won't be able to put you up. Your visit coincides with exam time so everything will be very fraught!

All the best

MugNoMore

Original poster

aprilviolets · 29/05/2019 14:34

I'd pretty much already decided that I should say no. It's not fair on my dc's who don't enjoy the visits anyway (she's here to see me and doesn't show interest in them) I hate saying no, but it's got to be done, so I'll do it!

OP posts:

Cruelstepmother · 29/05/2019 14:35

Why not give her YOUR bedroom and sleep on the sofa yourself? That way you could clear the mess away if it was in your way during the day. Or maybe a tent in the garden?

But I agree with previous posters - NOT during exam time. If nothing else, it would give your DD the idea that you don't consider her exams to be important.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 29/05/2019 14:40

I wouldn't, unless perhaps for just a night or two in an emergency.

I don't think you'd be remotely U to say, 'Sorry, but we simply don't have room.' As the cousin must surely be well aware, if your dd had to be turfed out of her room before.

I wish I'd had a similar perfect excuse for more than one lot of relatives I knew either barely or not at all, who saw us as a good free AirBnB for a week or more!

As for guests sleeping on the sofa, I wouldn't want that either, unless literally just for a one-off emergency.

chocatoo · 29/05/2019 14:40

Normally I would say that of course a child should give up a room. But definitely NOT in Exam time!!!!

EdtheBear · 29/05/2019 14:41

She sounds a bit of a CFer.

Sorry Cousin, I can't have you until after exam time. DD has exams and needs time to study.

I'd hope that later date doesn't suit cousin. Not sure what I'd say about the sofa or bedroom.

NannyRed · 29/05/2019 14:54

Could you consider buying a z-bed type of bed and putting both your children in together if your eldest is giving up her room?

Definitely give her some sort of a treat for being so accommodating and a treat to the sibling she is sharing with.

I had a double bed as a child/teen and always had to give my bed up when my grandparents visited. I had to have a camp bed after I grew out of sleeping in with my brother.

StCharlotte · 29/05/2019 14:57

I'm glad I'm not your cousin

As a teenager, I was always the one thrown out when overseas guests arrived, which on the plus side meant my room was always up to scratch decoratively although they may have had to live with an Abba or David Essex poster.

We also had a couple of Australian cousins base themselves from our house on their respective gap years over here which would have meant sharing with me. Which was fine.

It never bothered me because (a) it was exciting to see my parents' family and friends from abroad, (b) it was just expected and was good manners and (c) we weren't so bloody precious about children and teenagers having their own space. (The only reason I had a room to myself at all was because my older sisters had both left home.)

Could one of the other five people bunk in with someone else for the duration? Although I see you're going to say no. Fair enough, your house, your rules etc.

Chamomileteaplease · 29/05/2019 15:21

With these things I think a lot depends on whether or not you want the person to stay. It sounds like you don't and that she is a bit of a pain so what's the point?

Be strong and say no. Very unfair to your daughter during exams anyway.

BarbaraofSevillle · 29/05/2019 15:30

Are there any hotels or B&Bs nearby? If she can afford an expensive 3 plane journey, then she can afford a hotel surely?

cherrryontop · 29/05/2019 15:38

To be completely honest, no I wouldn't.

If the guest was just wanting to visit or have a holiday on the cheap, no. It's too much upheaval, I'm not having my kids taken out of the privacy of their rooms and our lounge furniture isn't big/wide/long enough to sleep on. They can book a travel lodge or cheap b&b, there's no need to pile into a small 3 bed semi and turn everything upside down

Obviously in some circumstances like a death in the family or something then I would make anyone feel welcome to stay and comfortable.

maggienolia · 29/05/2019 15:43

I had a similar situation recently when DM was due to visit during dd2s SATS.
No way was DD2 giving her room up. Dmum was offered an inflatable bed in the dining room or she couldn't come
Think telling her no is the best move.

KitKatKit · 29/05/2019 15:49

Haven't read the full thread, but, the fact that you've had to ask the internet for justification tells me that you don't have the room to accommodate - so you shouldnt!

Drum2018 · 29/05/2019 15:50

We shuffle around for immediate family (siblings/their family all in one room) with eldest teen sleeping on a pull out bed. That would be for about 2 nights. Outside of that no way would I bother. If anyone else asked could they stay I'd have no hesitation in saying that we don't have space. There is so much choice between B&B, Airbnb and budget hotels nowadays so really no excuse for people to impose on you for a week. If they are making noises about staying with you already, get your say in early, that it won't work for you but you can compile a list of local alternative accommodation.

stucknoue · 29/05/2019 15:53

I make my DD's share if we have guests, they do have double beds though

turkeyboots · 29/05/2019 16:19

Depends on the guest. My DM or DDad and his wife get to kick DC out of their beds and DC will sleep on an air bed on the floor of my room. Would do the same for DBro. Dsis is a pain so she and her family stay in Airbnb. And would do an overnight stay for more distant relatives, but nothing longer. InLaws refuse to stay with me, so bed issues there!

S0CKS · 29/05/2019 18:44

Apart from my dh and i the only people who would be sleeping in my bed are my parents and only in a our house burnt down type emergency, same for children all others can happily have the sofa in the lounge i would be happy to accommodate their things in my room for the duration my bed is just too personal but im funny like that

MrsPear · 29/05/2019 19:25

Only read the first page but blimey there is no family love on mn!

To put into perspective op I’ve had my sil and her fiancé stay 6 months (cultural reasons they slept separately) my bil stay 2 years and various cousins and uncles for up to week each. We have never lived in fancy houses with multiple toilets and guest rooms. We just make room because they are family.

Next week btw my mum and brother are staying for the week - mum will be in ds2 room and ds will sleep on an air bed next to her and my brother will be on the sofa bed. We as in 6 people will shock horror share one toilet and bathroom.

AmayaBuzzbee · 29/05/2019 19:46

Don’t force your kids out of their rooms, it’s not fair. Either the cousin sleeps on the sofa, or in a hotel or b&b. Or you could offer your own room and sleep on the sofa yourself if you prefer it.

RossPoldarkFan · 29/05/2019 19:57

I had to give up my room regularly for visitors (mostly grandparents but also other relatives) staying one to two weeks a couple of times a year when I was a girl. My parents had a large room with a spare bed in and I had to sleep there. When I was a teenager I hated this.

I think you should just tell your cousin you don't have enough space now your DC are older.

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