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Original poster

What do I do, tell my friend the truth or lie through my teeth?

93 replies

HotPinkZebra · 27/05/2019 15:21

One of my oldest closest friends recently got married. I see her quite a lot as she works near our house so quite often pops in for a coffee after work.

The wedding was actually the first time we met her DH and only spoke to him briefly.

Two weeks ago we were invited out for a meal with them both and it was the first time we properly got to speak to her DH.

The only word I can use to describe him is a absolute bullshitter. Everything that came out of his mouth was made up nonsense. A few examples were “my friend is in New York at the moment did you know it’s currently -42oc there” “my mate walked into your local pub with a Ak47 last week” “my mate got pulled over for driving 250MPH”

We would be having a conversation about one thing and he would start a random anecdote about his friends.

It was really strange I’ve heard of people say I’ve been to Tenerife and they top it because they have been to Elevenrife, it was exactly this but with his friends, his friends have done better. This was applied to every conversation.

My friend was talking to my DH about his current training as he’s doing his 3rd 100km run/jog/walk soon. “His friend apparently does 400km runs non stop”

The odd thing was my very straight laced tell it how it is friend was telling him to tell us more of his fantasy stories about his friends. It was utterly batshit and she was hanging on his every word.

Friend has rang this morning asking what our plans are as she wanted to invite us to a event. We me, DH and the kids are going out for dinner this evening and she asked if her and her DH could come, I was caught off guard and couldn’t think of a excuse so obviously had to say yes.

We are willing to give it another go for my friends sake as she’s so happy we are now doing things as couples, but if it’s anything like last time we won’t be going out with them again as I just can’t tolerate it.

My question is WWYD, would you tell your friend directly that you can’t tolerate this absolute nonsense and therefore won’t be going out with them again.

Or have a excuse on hand everytime and avoid the truth?

OP posts:

GertrudeCB · 27/05/2019 15:24

He sounds batshit !
No advice , I have never come across someone like him.

DarlingNikita · 27/05/2019 15:27

I don't know what I'd do, but I can't really get past her inviting herself to your dinner Did you give her any idea at all that it was something she could join in with?

dancemom · 27/05/2019 15:28

Just shut him down and change the subject

"No it's not -42, don't be silly. What were you saying Mary?"

"That's ridiculous, of course he didn't. Now who wants wine?"

"Well that's impossible. Who ordered the steak?"

Whatfuz · 27/05/2019 15:28

How come you only met her husband for the first time during the wedding if she's your oldest and closest friend?

You obviously can't keep avoiding him/them. You're going to have to just explain to her.

Could it be nerves or something?! Reminds me of Jay from Inbetweeners!

coconuttelegraph · 27/05/2019 15:31

If someone was saying such ridiculous things I don't think I'd be able to say nothing especially if it's quite such obvious BS. Is your friend too frightened to contradict him?

HollowTalk · 27/05/2019 15:32

I think you should tackle him rather than her. "Do you even know how long a kilometre is?" might work when his mate has just run 400 km a dozen times. "Don't be ridiculous" would be the only answer to the NY question! Or just take your phone out and google it. It's 27 degrees, by the way!

louisvootin · 27/05/2019 15:32

i know someone like this and it is cringeworthy listening to his stories. everyone knows he is a liar that makes it worse when everybody is inwardly cringing on his behalf.

HollowTalk · 27/05/2019 15:32

I think I'd quite enjoy an evening putting that guy down!

ILoveMaxiBondi · 27/05/2019 15:34

Wow! Is it a very new relationship? It sounds like your friend is in the early days of a new relationship and can’t see past how much she fancies him and loves him rather than a well established relationship where she rolls her eyes at his guff.

Dippypippy1980 · 27/05/2019 15:37

I agree, lightly challenge every crazy statement. If it’s clearly a lie, laugh along - 400km non stop - sure that would take two days!! And you believed him?😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

He sounds like a compulsive liar - your friend must know he is talking shit, she has decided to humour him. I couldn’t listen to it, she must be very patient, or very in live (or really thick]

Original poster

HotPinkZebra · 27/05/2019 15:38

No not at all the conversation went like this.

Her: what you doing today do you fancy coming to x event.
Me: No sorry we have plans today.
Her: Why what you doing?
Me: we are all going for dinner at y.
Her: that sounds great can me and DH join you.

We didn’t meet him as the chance just didn’t arise. She comes here 2/3/4 times a week after work As he doesn’t finish work until 7pm. We rarely go out together. Actually our other mutual friends only met him at the wedding.

OP posts:

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 27/05/2019 15:38

How close are you if you didn't meet her dh until the wedding?

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 27/05/2019 15:40

So now she wants to be all coupley? Doesn't make sense.

Whatfuz · 27/05/2019 15:43

I agree Ihopeyourcakeisshit, it sounds a bit odd. Why does she suddenly want to meet up with you as a couple after you never having met him prior to the wedding?

How long have they been together for prior to getting married?

HollowTalk · 27/05/2019 15:44

Be fair, though - why would she want to be on her own with him?!

CherieBabySpliffUp · 27/05/2019 15:45

Are his tall tales really that bad that they would stop you spending time with your friend? Can you not just roll your eyes and change the subject?

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 27/05/2019 15:46

I suspect she knows he's odd and deliberately didn't introduce you before the wedding

BishopofBathandWells · 27/05/2019 15:47

I'll try and be charitable and ask, maybe it was nerves? He was intimidated by you and your DH, and made up a load of bollocks to compensate?

Having said that, I've ended up knowing a few Billy Bullshitters and you just have to shut it down. I used to do it politely "Oh really? That sounds awfully cold, are you sure?" and finally got to the "that's utter shit and you know it" stage.

How long has she been with him?

Walkamileinmyshoesbeforeujudge · 27/05/2019 15:47

Agree on the look of an eye you and dh will both laugh at his tale at the same time. Every time.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 27/05/2019 15:47

I would say “you friend sounds like a billy bullshitter, Jim, how well do you know him?” It means you aren’t directly challenging him, causing friction with your friend, but you are letting him know you aren’t buying a single word and also planting the seed of doubt in your friends mind in that she may start questioning this stuff herself via the “is your friend lying DH” method. If she isn’t ready to challenge her husband directly yet.

fedup21 · 27/05/2019 15:49

Wow-why on earth did she marry him?!

I would pick him up on every single tall tale, I think.

Soola · 27/05/2019 15:49

He might be a bullshitter and rubbish company but in private may be caring, loving and cherish your friend.

Remember Boycie from Only Falls and Horses?

I would take his comments up and get him to explain in exact detail.

“My mate runs a mile in twenty seconds.”

You - oh what’s his name, he must be in the next Olympic Team?

Or you could just say, “Look we’re old friends of your wife, you don’t need to say daft things to try and fit in. Just be yourself.” Then smile and change the conversation.

Or if he really is an utter bellend, yawn when he says something stupid, don’t reply and change the subject.

I think it might be a bit cruel at this stage where your friend is all love sup, to piss on her chips and say her beloved is a tool.

Soola · 27/05/2019 15:50

Loved up

ScoobyCan · 27/05/2019 15:51

Or you could just say, “Look we’re old friends of your wife, you don’t need to say daft things to try and fit in. Just be yourself.” Then smile and change the conversation.

^^This. It may have been nerves. Give him a second chance and let us know how you get on this time. If you're taking your DC they may well get involved. Out of the mouths of babes and all...

Feelingwalkedover · 27/05/2019 15:52

There’s a thread going at the moment that sounds like it could your man in a restaurant...
Make sure you say up front that everyone pays for themselves

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