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Original poster

What do I do, tell my friend the truth or lie through my teeth?

93 replies

HotPinkZebra · 27/05/2019 15:21

One of my oldest closest friends recently got married. I see her quite a lot as she works near our house so quite often pops in for a coffee after work.

The wedding was actually the first time we met her DH and only spoke to him briefly.

Two weeks ago we were invited out for a meal with them both and it was the first time we properly got to speak to her DH.

The only word I can use to describe him is a absolute bullshitter. Everything that came out of his mouth was made up nonsense. A few examples were “my friend is in New York at the moment did you know it’s currently -42oc there” “my mate walked into your local pub with a Ak47 last week” “my mate got pulled over for driving 250MPH”

We would be having a conversation about one thing and he would start a random anecdote about his friends.

It was really strange I’ve heard of people say I’ve been to Tenerife and they top it because they have been to Elevenrife, it was exactly this but with his friends, his friends have done better. This was applied to every conversation.

My friend was talking to my DH about his current training as he’s doing his 3rd 100km run/jog/walk soon. “His friend apparently does 400km runs non stop”

The odd thing was my very straight laced tell it how it is friend was telling him to tell us more of his fantasy stories about his friends. It was utterly batshit and she was hanging on his every word.

Friend has rang this morning asking what our plans are as she wanted to invite us to a event. We me, DH and the kids are going out for dinner this evening and she asked if her and her DH could come, I was caught off guard and couldn’t think of a excuse so obviously had to say yes.

We are willing to give it another go for my friends sake as she’s so happy we are now doing things as couples, but if it’s anything like last time we won’t be going out with them again as I just can’t tolerate it.

My question is WWYD, would you tell your friend directly that you can’t tolerate this absolute nonsense and therefore won’t be going out with them again.

Or have a excuse on hand everytime and avoid the truth?

OP posts:
70isaLimitNotaTarget · 27/05/2019 15:57

"Oh your friends sound great, really innovative and fantastic sportsmen . Where on earth did you meet them becauce I can NOT think of any common ground you'd have"

Tinkly Little Laugh and Head Tilt Inserted

BishopofBathandWells · 27/05/2019 15:58

Just as an aside, nice to see the term "Billy Bullshitter" isn't exclusive to my region. Grin

ElspethFlashman · 27/05/2019 16:01

Just answer "wow, extraordinary" to everything. Or "Hmmm.... Imagine!"

Drum2018 · 27/05/2019 16:01

If he starts this bullshit at dinner just suggest his friends are definitely winding him up as there's no way anyone could run 400km straight, or whatever nonsense he comes up with.

While you got caught out this time by her asking to join you, be on alert from now on and have your replies ready - no that wouldn't suit. You could certainly say to her that her Dh has some mad friends if what he says is even half true - see if she even cops on as to what you are referring to.

unfortunateevents · 27/05/2019 16:03

This is weird. If you see your closest friend several times a week, how come you have never met her husband until the wedding? Is this a long-term relationship? Also I'm afraid I couldn't cope with that level of bullshit and would be calling him out on some of the easily provable examples e.g. if he really said the temperature in NY was 42 degrees last week a quick google would show that it was definitely not!

Crazycat16 · 27/05/2019 16:04

I detested my oldest friends husband from the moment we were introduced and constantly made excuses not to get together or meet up if he was around. I would never dream of saying to her that I thought the love of her life was an utter wanker. They split up last year and I still wouldn’t dream of telling her, she has kids with the idiot.

I would say it’s nerves too, he may calm down when you get to know him better.

Come back and fill us in on how it was

cheesemongery · 27/05/2019 16:05

Sounds like crazy nerves to me, to fit into any conversation.

I've found myself doing it, not the the extent of bullshit but interrupting if something came up that I had done for example - oh I went there too, did you see so and so, we had a great time and did this and this - and I've just taken the entire conversation and turned it into about me.

I'm assuming you have some faith in your friend. I don't get on with the husband of one of my friends, I think he is a complete immature tool, and I am constantly surprised that she settled with him. It's not my place to say though. 10 years and 2 children later they still seem loved up and he still annoys me Grin

Not your place to put either him down or think anything of it.

magicBrenda · 27/05/2019 16:12

If you really like your friend I would just grin and bare it - for tonight. Treat it as experience.

If you pull him up on it or challenge him she will be aware and it will effect your friendship.

Just always be busy the next time she invites you to stuff or eg.

I’m not in to that
Dh isn’t in to that
Sounds fab let me check my diary - obviously you have something on...

Her visits to you are quite a lot (too much for me!) and I bet they haven’t many friends to socialise with.

magicBrenda · 27/05/2019 16:14

And never tell her what your plans are

BlueJava · 27/05/2019 16:17

I wouldn't say anything to her about it - if she is hanging on his every word it's not business of yours. However, it would really irk me! I think the first time you can write it off as being very nervous at going out with you as he hasn't met you properly, but if it continues I'd firstly distance myself and secondly I would have to call him out on a few things! "My mate walked into a local pub with an AK47" "He's a bit of a twat then isn't he". I certainly wouldn't lether invite herself to dinner with my DP - "No, it's just a quiet one/just us tonight/quick one".

grumiosmum · 27/05/2019 16:32

You've only met the guy properly once.

I would give him a second chance. Be the better person.

EugenesAxe · 27/05/2019 16:37

If it bothered me that much, I'd almost certainly lose my temper and challenge him directly. Something along the lines of "Why do you feel the need to invent stories about your friends in order to best the people you are talking to? Are you a compulsive liar or do you have a huge insecurity complex that you're trying to suppress in a weird manner?"

But Soola has some great comeback ideas that are much less inflammatory than mine - I also thought you could ask for names so you could Google them. But isn't it a fact that if you present evidence to a guilty party directly that they find it far harder to lie and cover up?

wholelyunimpressed · 27/05/2019 16:42

I'd be tempted to treat him like my 4yo when he's doing his fantastical stories. ' an AK47? Wow! What a special man, did the pub give him a lovely drink of apple juice as a treat?'

Notverygrownup · 27/05/2019 16:42

Lots of good advice here, but just one word of warning: the deca ultra tri does include runs of over 400km!!

ChinUpChestOut · 27/05/2019 16:54

It's a lack of self confidence. My DSS used to make up the most incredible stories when he was about 8 or 9 and came to stay. "my friend lives in a house with 4 swimming pools" or "my friend comes to school in a Rolls Royce" etc. It drove me nuts.

I found the cure though. I asked about him, instead. Eg "that's a nice story, DSS but what have YOU been doing lately?" or "that's nice for your friend - what's YOUR favourite car?" and got him to talk about himself and his likes and dislikes.

So your friend's husband: "my mate runs 400km without stopping"
You: "And what's YOUR favourite exercise?"

Alternatively, just keep pouring the wine into your glass..........

ThinThighsPlease · 27/05/2019 16:54

Just bloody tell her the truth

Lemonsquinky · 27/05/2019 17:05

It's like the Penguins of Madagascar say 'Smile and wave boys '. I'd just smile and nod. It's not worth upsetting your friend calling him out on his bullshit each and every time. Also what a waste of energy trying to prove him wrong. Everyone knows that already.

coconuttelegraph · 27/05/2019 17:09

It's a lack of self confidence. My DSS used to make up the most incredible stories when he was about 8 or 9 and came to stay

Unless the friend has married a primary school child I really don't think this is the reason, to quote someone above it's probably no more complicated than him being a first class Billy Bulshitter

BlessYourCottonSocks · 27/05/2019 17:10

You need to be Glaswegian... "Did ye, aye."

LizzieSiddal · 27/05/2019 17:11

Give him a second chance. But if he started bullshitting this time, because your dc are there and listening, I wouldn’t just ignore him.

I’d say things along the lines of “your friend is pulling your leg” and “oh that’s not true, how funny!”

ImMeantToBeWorking · 27/05/2019 17:15

Call him out on it at dinner. It is the only way. There are two things here, either he is trying to impress you as he know you and his new wife are close. Or is he generally a dipshit.

Either way I personally would call him out, or over exaggerate his antidotes and he might soon realise how annoying it is!! Saying it to your friend will only upset her, is it worth doing that?

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 27/05/2019 17:21

@BlessYourCottonSocks Grin
I can hear my granny

NoParticularPattern · 27/05/2019 17:22

My uncle has developed an incredibly effective way of calling these sort of people out. He gives them several chances, let’s them essentially broadcast to the world that they are insufferable bullshitters, then start to respond to every ridiculous statement that they make with an incredibly polite “bullshit”. Every, single, time. It’s very similar to the Kevin Bridges approach above but doesn’t rely on being Glaswegian! Can’t bear bullshitters.

Original poster
HotPinkZebra · 27/05/2019 17:31

OMG that’s exactly what it’s like... Jay from inbetweeners.

They haven’t been together that long. No engagement first we heard was when she announced her wedding. But from what I can gather none of her close friends have met him as they tend to go out with his friends quite a lot.

We were talking with friends dad at the wedding, for the life of me I can’t remember what he said but he implied he wasn’t too keen on him “but as long as she was happy” after we went out with them last time DH commented he now understood what her dad had meant as at the time it was a kind of WTF moment.

Love some of these suggestions especially MaxiBondi’s suggestion of “your friend sounds like a right Billy Bullshitter”

OP posts:
WhatthehellisplanB · 27/05/2019 17:32

Blessyourcottonsocks has it. I was reading this thread and going did ye, aye? in my head!
Love Kev.I.N!

I like Mrs Brown's method too..'thats naaaaaice'. 😁