What do I do, tell my friend the truth or lie through my teeth?

[HotPinkZebra]

One of my oldest closest friends recently got married. I see her quite a lot as she works near our house so quite often pops in for a coffee after work.

The wedding was actually the first time we met her DH and only spoke to him briefly.

Two weeks ago we were invited out for a meal with them both and it was the first time we properly got to speak to her DH.

The only word I can use to describe him is a absolute bullshitter. Everything that came out of his mouth was made up nonsense. A few examples were “my friend is in New York at the moment did you know it’s currently -42oc there” “my mate walked into your local pub with a Ak47 last week” “my mate got pulled over for driving 250MPH”

We would be having a conversation about one thing and he would start a random anecdote about his friends.

It was really strange I’ve heard of people say I’ve been to Tenerife and they top it because they have been to Elevenrife, it was exactly this but with his friends, his friends have done better. This was applied to every conversation.

My friend was talking to my DH about his current training as he’s doing his 3rd 100km run/jog/walk soon. “His friend apparently does 400km runs non stop”

The odd thing was my very straight laced tell it how it is friend was telling him to tell us more of his fantasy stories about his friends. It was utterly batshit and she was hanging on his every word.

Friend has rang this morning asking what our plans are as she wanted to invite us to a event. We me, DH and the kids are going out for dinner this evening and she asked if her and her DH could come, I was caught off guard and couldn’t think of a excuse so obviously had to say yes.

We are willing to give it another go for my friends sake as she’s so happy we are now doing things as couples, but if it’s anything like last time we won’t be going out with them again as I just can’t tolerate it.

My question is WWYD, would you tell your friend directly that you can’t tolerate this absolute nonsense and therefore won’t be going out with them again.

Or have a excuse on hand everytime and avoid the truth?

Sounds like crazy nerves to me, to fit into any conversation.

Yep. It is. My best friend did this from childhood until early 30s. My mum still calls him 'the boy who lies'.

“Look we’re old friends of your wife, you don’t need to say daft things to try and fit in. Just be yourself.” Then smile and change the conversation.

This is the kindest response.

My now sadly deceased sil was like this tbh it's not worth pulling people up.on because they generally believe their own bull shit,I was "friends " with her before I met dh and she once told me that on a holiday to London as a teen she had met Jon Bon Jovi and made him a cup of coffee when I told dh this when we got together he was most surprised as he had been on the same holiday and had no recollection of this, her friend wrote an obituary in the local paper about her and remembered someone who was a talented swimmer in her youth and,had apparently successfully swum the English Channel, again dh who obviously grew up.with had no recollection of this.

It sounds amusing. It will only get grating after you've known him a while, you've met him once.
Just don't indulge his fantasies. Vary your responses between remarking that he must have a kerazy, bullshitting set of mates, hysterical laughter, 'that's a good one', 'come on we're not that gullible', 'you had me going for a second there' and so on.

Gosh there’s a few red flags right there.

Very short courtship, parents don’t like him and him never meeting her any of her close friends.

Keep an eye on her.

As I've got older I find I have less and less tolerance of bullshitters - because there's absolutely no need for it. It's also extremely insulting to the intelligence of the person being spoken to - as if you're daft enough to believe it.

Call him out on it. "That's bullshit/bollocks/batshit" (I do love a good swear word). It's the only way these people stop.

Google some fascinating facts so you can "outdo" him! These might help...

The absolute coldest place on Earth is in Antarctica, where Scientists at the National Snow and Ice Data Center used satellites to measure the lowest recorded temperature ever at minus-133.6 degrees Fahrenheit.

Dean Karnasis is known as the "ultra marathon man". Overcoming 348 miles in 80 hours and 44 minutes without sleep are on his account!

I would probably just say "unbelievable!" every time, though!

I've not come across anyone who boasts about their friends. I think, after a while I would just laugh and say I'd prefer to hear more about him than his mates.

It's probably nervousness on his part but annoying with it. I bet your friend was embarrassed.

It's a lack of self confidence. My DSS used to make up the most incredible stories when he was about 8 or 9 and came to stay
I actually think this is true.
A secure person wouldn't need to act like this.

Respond to the bullshit with a blank stare and an 'uh huh.....'

He sounds batshit, I have a friend that is sort of like this, but nowhere near as extreme.

But (and I know it's going to be damn annoying) unless he is saying something unkind or really out of order, just let him ramble on with himself and let it was over you, can't see you're going to spend all that much time with him.

As batshit as it sounds, it is probably coming from a well intended place (very misguided mind) and wanting to/thinking that he is impressing you.

He sounds bloody annoying, but if your friend loves him and he treats her well you should tolerate him. It could be a lot worse.

We went out with a open mind and just hoped it wasn’t a repeat of last time.

Unfortunately it was worse. Bearing in mind our DC were with us.

He went off into random anecdotes nothing remotely to do with what we were discussing, everything including his “fiends” and drugs/ guns / fighting. All absolute bollocks and wild stories.

We tried many times to ask him about himself but everything got turned into talk about “his friends”

I asked him if we could perhaps change the subject into something more family friendly. Within minutes he was back to talking about drugs and DH pulled him up on it and said I’d already asked him once and it wasn’t appropriate to be talking about this in front of our dc. He did apologize.

Our meals hadn’t arrived by this point otherwise we would of upped and left.

It was so awkward, after the above, he was saying things that categorically hadn’t happened like telling my friend she should not buy a brand new car before she bought it. Before she had even met him BTW.

He was talking to DH about a conversation he hadn’t yet had that started off with “I will tell him ....” and ended up with I told him this that and the other”

Even after he was asked twice to tone it down he continued to swear. Lots.

We ended up not staying for dessert and swung by the petrol station to get one instead.

We’ve now got a get out with them as only once in a blue moon do DC both go to grandparents so if we get invited out again it won’t be happening due to his inappropriate behavior around them.

Absolutely definitely not happening again. I am not tolerating this crap around my kids.

Grapes - No it’s Ultra challenge series he’s doing. Highly recommend if it’s your thing, very well organized event.

And I wouldn't be wasting rare babysitting on him

Do spell out to your friend why you won't meet up. Hopefully he will read her messages.

What did your friend say when he was talking like that?

Gosh, I think you’ll need to have a quiet word with your friend to find out what the score is. He sounds ... challenging. Or challenged, perhaps.

What was your friends reaction when you had to keep pulling up on his behaviour?

What on earth did your friend do?

Can you call her for a gentle chat? Was she very lonely before him?

What did your friend do when you had to tell him twice to stop talking about drugs and guns? What did she say when you left early?

Bizarre!

That clip has made my day!

She was embarrassed when my husband spoke up.

She did pull him up on something, he commented on my new hair colour and said he really didn’t like it and it looked better before. She told him he was being rude, if he didn’t have anything nice to say don’t, and she liked it. Honestly I couldn’t care as I like it.

No not lonely before she met him as she was in a relationship with someone else but after they broke up got with him very quickly afterwards.

I would contact her and say that you’re sorry, because you ready like her, but wont be seeing them as a couple again because of him.

I’m amazed you see her 2/3/4 times a week-clearly getting on very well-yet he sounds virtually impossible to spend any time with?!

Who else do they see socially? I expect nobody and that’s why she wants to do coupley things with you now!

This now reminds me of when Kate Beckinsale was dating that complete oaf Pete Davidson.

I could just imagine a similar situation at the dinner table, her discussing normal things and him next to her cracking inane and completely unfunny jokes.

It sounds like your friend really wanted a partner and to be married and up popped this clown who was like no one she had met before and he flattered her and they were married in a flash as she didn’t want to end up left on the shelf.

I wonder what is in it for him? Is she wealthy?