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Original poster

What do I do, tell my friend the truth or lie through my teeth?

93 replies

HotPinkZebra · 27/05/2019 15:21

One of my oldest closest friends recently got married. I see her quite a lot as she works near our house so quite often pops in for a coffee after work.

The wedding was actually the first time we met her DH and only spoke to him briefly.

Two weeks ago we were invited out for a meal with them both and it was the first time we properly got to speak to her DH.

The only word I can use to describe him is a absolute bullshitter. Everything that came out of his mouth was made up nonsense. A few examples were “my friend is in New York at the moment did you know it’s currently -42oc there” “my mate walked into your local pub with a Ak47 last week” “my mate got pulled over for driving 250MPH”

We would be having a conversation about one thing and he would start a random anecdote about his friends.

It was really strange I’ve heard of people say I’ve been to Tenerife and they top it because they have been to Elevenrife, it was exactly this but with his friends, his friends have done better. This was applied to every conversation.

My friend was talking to my DH about his current training as he’s doing his 3rd 100km run/jog/walk soon. “His friend apparently does 400km runs non stop”

The odd thing was my very straight laced tell it how it is friend was telling him to tell us more of his fantasy stories about his friends. It was utterly batshit and she was hanging on his every word.

Friend has rang this morning asking what our plans are as she wanted to invite us to a event. We me, DH and the kids are going out for dinner this evening and she asked if her and her DH could come, I was caught off guard and couldn’t think of a excuse so obviously had to say yes.

We are willing to give it another go for my friends sake as she’s so happy we are now doing things as couples, but if it’s anything like last time we won’t be going out with them again as I just can’t tolerate it.

My question is WWYD, would you tell your friend directly that you can’t tolerate this absolute nonsense and therefore won’t be going out with them again.

Or have a excuse on hand everytime and avoid the truth?

OP posts:

mondaybluesgoaway · 28/05/2019 09:58

So she was likely on the rebound? He sounds really odd. My DH has a friend a bit like this, he constantly tells lies like how he got a 90k a year job but left after 2 days as they wanted him to go live in America and it didn't suit him. He now has a 16hour a week job at a retail store but told DH he was managing director.
It drives me mad, DH won't pull him up on it. He has known him since being a child though- back then it was small fibs like 'I rode my bike 200miles at the weekend'... it must be a confidence thing.

tickingthebox · 28/05/2019 10:04

HotPinkZebra - I feel for you.

I had a very good friend - my bridesmaid, who did similar

She hadn't had a steady boyfriend and then suddenly a boyfriend appeared. We went out with them twice and he behaved like an immature t*. DH said "never again" to going out as a couple.

She was with him when we got married and he behaved badly at the wedding, by rowing with her, making her miserable and calling her fat in the bridesmaid dress...but basically he was a complete idiot.

It basically finished our relationship off as she blamed me for the dress not looking good (it was a made to measure bridesmaid dress, chosen by her including the colour! She looked lovely...)

We then lost touch mostly but he finished with her on the plane on the way out to a two week holiday to the Caribbean they had to share a room as she couldn't get a flight back.

Unfortunately it made me massively question her judgement as he really was awful and broke our friendship

Original poster

HotPinkZebra · 28/05/2019 10:38

Tickingthebox that’s awful.

I really do hope we can go back to the way things were before. But I am going to have to say that we won’t be seeing them as a couple again.

Socially they go out with his friends and they spend quite a lot of time with his sister.

No she’s not wealthy however from the outside she does come across that way. Newish expensive car (on finance) New House (interest only mortgage) and quite a bit of credit card debt.

OP posts:

SpinachnRicotta · 28/05/2019 10:56

Hmm, I like to think I'd be assertive and ask incredulous questions to highlight the absurdity of what he's saying. "400km without stopping? Isn't that humanly impossible? Wouldn't you be running for almost 4 days straight...?" Etc.

But in reality I'd probably say nothing and fume. I talked to somebody once about a baby in our family who was born early at 23 weeks. Without skipping a beat she told me about one in hers born at 20 weeks and now alive and at uni. Grr.

FunnyHappyGirl · 28/05/2019 11:02

We had this with my DP's friend's wife. First time I met her she came across like this - always knew someone that had done something bigger and better, knew more about a topic than you did, etc. I persevered with the meet ups because of DP and his friend but we only tend to meet up for lunch or dinner outside of the house.

Over the years she has got a lot better. I think she just is actually quite shy and it manifests itself as a brasher/showing off character. She's no-where near as bad as she was, but she's still better in small doses!

Stick to shorter meet ups with them both for the sake of your friendship but continue to see her just on her own as much as you can!

RebeccaWrongDaily · 28/05/2019 11:08

I know two people who are married to two men like this.
I enjoy their wives company, i feel sorry for their wives and children, they sometimes begin an anecdote to 'best' anyone talking, without knowing where they are going with the ending.
My children have friends who do it. We've just said to not let it wind them up or irritate them, it means they think they are not interesting or not as good as the people they're talking to, so we should feel a bit sorry for them and disbelieve them.

FunnyHappyGirl · 28/05/2019 11:08

Sorry OP - commented before I read your second update.

I'd definitely steer clear! Continue to see your friend and support her - it may not be a long standing marriage and she may need you in the not too distant future. Hopefully she realises how horrid he is before they have children...

Sagradafamiliar · 28/05/2019 11:38

I don't know why this has turned to criticising the friend. I'm sure she's perfectly lovable whether wealthy or not. Shame about the dickhead husband. As amusing as bullshitters are, I wouldn't allow that kind of talk in front of the kids and it's a valid enough reason to give him the swerve.

Deathraystare · 28/05/2019 14:44

she asked if her and her DH could come, I

So even she cannot bear him on his own!!!!!

Jux · 28/05/2019 17:36

When we were teenagers, my best mate hooked up with a guy who did this. It was hilarious! We would all try top each other's bullshit anecdotes. He took it quite seriously, but we didn't. Sometimes one of us would point out, for instance, that if one were subject to electrocution by over 1000 volts then you'd be dead, not just thrown 20feet in the air, landing unhurt so his friend (to whom this apparently happened) must be a ghost - had her bf noticed his electrocuted mate being suspiciously transparent? and so on.

Sometimes it's worth just joining in.

Whoops75 · 28/05/2019 17:49

Remember the guy in sex in the city who was so good in bed they all put up with him being an asshole

I also have a close friend who’s getting married to a guy I’ve met once, never thought about it before 🤔

youarenotkiddingme · 28/05/2019 17:56

Don't tell her.

I maybe being particularly generous here but it could be a case that your friend has bigged you up so much he feels the need to impress. It's quite a common behaviour for socially awkward and low esteemed people to try too hard to impress.

Of course he could just be a plain old nightmare fantasist

Guess time will tell!

tickingthebox · 28/05/2019 19:13

I think in reality her choice of long term boyfriend just highlighted the differences between us.... in isolation we got on really well but she was with him in all about 6-8 years and for the life of me I can't tell you why - he was awful, incredibly immature (I'm fairly sure we were about 25 at the time , so not at all young, he ditched her when they were about 32) ...

I would think long and hard about what the issue is, is it her or him? Clearly he is a PITA, but it all comes down to whether she is now someone you don't recognise....

GrapesAreMyJam · 05/06/2019 10:58

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

PregnantSea · 05/06/2019 11:14

I'd put up with him every now and again for couples stuff for the sake of my friend, and I'd politely listen to his stupid stories and then immediately change the subject. But only if I was still able to do one on one stuff with her too.

You certainly aren't obliged to do this though - I know a lot of people would just call him out on his bullshit or keep making excuses not to to hang out. I guess I'm just a softie.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 05/06/2019 11:17

One of my oldest friends has only met by OH a couple of times and we've been together about 8 years. We just always meet up on our own. I don't think it's odd.

I think if she is a good friend I'd just have to suck it up and pretend you like the guy. I know a very similar person. DP and I get over the pain of socialising with him by laughing at everything he's said when we get home.

Lllot5 · 05/06/2019 11:28

When I started reading this thread I thought it was funny and was imagining more and more wild and fantastic stories you could tell.
But since your update about drugs/guns/swearing in front of dc I think you’re just going to have to back away here.
Probably is down to self confidence and wanting to big himself up, but either see them very rarely and not with your dc, or not at all.

Deadringer · 05/06/2019 11:28

My best friend had a dh like this. I often called him out on his bullshit, but I usually ended up looking like the bad guy, spoiling for a fight. In the end I gave up and saw her mostly on her own. They stayed married for nearly 20 years! She eventually got sick of his bullshit and they rowed a lot and in the end he left her for someone else, a younger woman who presumably believes his lies. It's a tough one op, just try and hang in there for your friend.

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