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Original poster

Is there anyone who holds an incorrect belief about you, which you can never put right?

155 replies

Gingervitis · 20/05/2019 20:46

Partly inspired by the revenge thread, is there anything in your past that people believe about you which isn't true, and which you'd like to put right? Or something inaccurate that was said which you've never had a chance to correct?

Mine is from a 4 year relationship I had in my early 20s. We bought a house together but weren't married, and unfortunately things didn't work out.

To that guy I'd like to say, "You thought I was cheating on you, but I wasn't - I had binge eating disorder and when you mentioned in a row after we split that you had noticed the extra plates and bowls in the washing up, and that I must've thought you were stupid, I thought you were referring to my dysfunctional eating. That's why I didnt defend myself. But I wasn't having men round, I was just stuffing my face on my own and I was mortified when I thought you knew!"

I have no idea why this still niggles at me 20 years later, I'd just rather he went to his grave knowing I wasn't a cheating trollop, just a greedy bastard.

Are there any wrongs you'd like to put right (reasonably lighthearted)?

OP posts:

GodDammitAmy · 20/05/2019 23:50

After I fell out with my sibling she told her kids lies about why we fell out to cover for her bad behaviour so they hate me now and want nothing to do with me. It's broken my heart for years, but they are not the great kids they were anymore because of her toxic influence on them. Which also breaks my heart

BlackeyedGruesome · 20/05/2019 23:50

Quite a few people think I left ex on a whim. Someone I am/ was very fond of asked me to go back to him. did not know he hit me. It hurts that she died thinking that it was me in the wrong.

CarolDanvers · 20/05/2019 23:57

Countless lies and exaggerations about me in my family. I'm the family scapegoat and they just loved having me to look down on. Am NC now and I do feel sad about it but the relief of not having to be the family arsehole and not having to have to keep protecting my children from being lumped in with me and scapegoated too, far outweighs the sadness.

FiremanKing · 21/05/2019 00:02

@Allthebees

Yes!

Alison is that you?

That’s amazing if we went to the same school in the 1970s!

I’m genuinely shocked!

cuppycups · 21/05/2019 00:07

I'm the family idiot, despite being the most highly qualified of my siblings and the only one who moved out and brought a home (by myself). I'm married and have a family, had a very good career but apparently I'm too stupid to do anything decent in life.

I was also apparently a rebellious teen and used to get regularly told off for causing my mum so much worry, even though I never actually caused any problems. I was never in any trouble at school and didn't have rebellious side, because I was never allowed outside of the house. I literally had no life and no opportunities to behave badly. Yet I'm known as the bad one by my grandparents, aunts etc. I never did anything remotely exciting. Just went to school or sat in my room (Mum was too controlling to let me out of the house).

OldAndWornOut · 21/05/2019 00:10

Wow! I'm shocked too..

Everyone thinks my ex and I just split up, but he ghosted me, after 6 years together, and broke my heart (and my family's too)

People think that my best friend and I must have slept together since she is gay (I have no idea why, apart from the fact that she was a real player)
I think even her wife assumes there is some history between us; I've only seen my friend twice in the three years they've been married.

Rory786 · 21/05/2019 01:16

Because I wear a hijab in a little village e eryone always assumes I cant speak English and when I do, they pat me and tell me how well I speak the language. Considering I was born in London it doesnt feel like much of an accomplishment!

Kokeshi123 · 21/05/2019 01:23

Re the clothes size thing: clothes sizes have expanded noticeably over the last 20 years, but my mum STILL insists that I must be a 10-12 because that was what I wore as a teen. I am now an 8, at the same measurements, but my mum simply will not believe this!

BikeRunSki · 21/05/2019 03:36

Yep. An old friend thinks I'm an awful person. I made a mistake (which I explained, apologized, pleaded). She cut me off with barely a backward glance. It's a couple of years ago now, but I think about it most days.
Doesn't matter what I say, nothing will change her opinion of me now.
Kind of hate her for it, if I'm honest. I'd never do that.

Me too. And it was her son that started the trouble at school, not mine. Mine just covered for him out of a misguided ensemble of 6-year old loyalty.

saraclara · 21/05/2019 05:14

Kind of hate her for it, if I'm honest. I'd never do that.

And me. A complete misunderstanding. And in the ultimate power move, she refused to discuss it and never spoke to me, or let me speak to her again.
Unhealthy though it is, I can't get it.out of my head

BikeRunSki · 21/05/2019 05:23

That is exactly what happened to me too @saraclara. Then she badmouthed to all the class parents one the days a week I was at work and didn’t stop my dc off.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 21/05/2019 05:40

On the night of my GCSE results 25 years ago, a friend and I were supposed to go out, but I cancelled because I wasn’t feeling great. Her sister told her that she had seen me out that night and had lied to ditch her.

It wasn’t true, I was at home, but there was nothing I could say to convince her. I have no idea why her sister said it. It drove a wedge between us and we drifted apart. It still bothers me.

Drogonssmile · 21/05/2019 05:43

This is slightly different but your thread title made me think of the new apprentice we have at work. I've been nothing but polite and friendly to her but she barely speaks to me and looks at me with absolute disdain. She's half my age and it makes me really uncomfortable. I'm awaiting autism assessment so not sure if I have unwittingly done something to offend her but too chicken to ask her outright as I hate confrontation!! I also don't want to make it worse. She's perfectly chatty and friendly to everyone else

megrichardson · 21/05/2019 05:44

I was a junior in a hairdressers and one morning while waiting to get to work, the bus just failed to arrive, which was going to make me late.
These were in pre-mobile days, so I went to a phone box to let work know I'd be late. For some reason, as I put the money in after they answered, the pips failed to go. They never believed that I was in a phone box and they thought I was lying and that I hadn't yet left the house. Oh, the feeling of impotent seething injustice!

My God, those other hairdressers were nasty to me.I didn't realise until years later that they had been relentlessly bullying me.

StealthPolarBear · 21/05/2019 05:46

My mum thinks I lie in bed in the mornings. 7am is a lie in and I am usually up around half 5. But because I slept in aged 15...

Misseuropadiscodancer · 21/05/2019 05:49

Yep, group of friends from teenage years (1980's). One of the group was a complete backstabber (as I found out many years ago).

We were out one evening with another friend from the group. Backstabber friend said some derogatory things about another friend in the group and asking us if we agreed. Other friend and I clearly said we didn't agree.

Cut to a couple of months later, backstabber friend told everyone else in the group it had been me making the derogatory things. More I denied it, less they believed me. Friendship continued precariously for a year until end of a levels, I went away to university and on the first holiday surprise surprise I had no friends left in that friendship group as backstabber friend had added to the lies whilst I was away (didn't find that out until quite a few years later).

Still annoys me to think how much she lied about me, just why would you do that to someone?

ObvsItsNotMe · 21/05/2019 05:53

I have resting bitch face. It's a thing. All my life I have been told I look miserable (which I do, but telling me doesn't help!) even when I am very happy. One of my managers, who is otherwise lovely, always comments about how they can tell I'm worried or panicking or something when I am totally not any of those things. I've tried to explain that it's just my face and to ignore it because I am really fine and very happy.. but to no avail. It's very frustrating and I have no idea how to resolve it.

StoppinBy · 21/05/2019 06:07

When i was little my sister and i used to go to the farm where my Mum had her horse, we used to play around the farm, swim in the damn, collect tadpoles etc.

One day the farmer found that his tractor had been uncovered from under the tarp where he kept it. He didn't believe that we hadn't done it so banned us from playing there again.

We didn't do it and I would love to have been able to tell him that as an adult and get him to believe me.

53rdWay · 21/05/2019 06:08

My mum thinks I lie in bed in the mornings. 7am is a lie in and I am usually up around half 5. But because I slept in aged 15...

Mine does that! I get the 7am train to work and have heard “gosh that’s very early for you, how on Earth do you manage that?” for years now.

My big one would be that a lot of me and my ex’s mutual friends think we split up because he was fighting depression and I didn’t want to deal with it (he told them this). I didn’t tell them the truth it at the time because I was too embarrassed to say “actually he hit me and stole lots of my money”, and now we’re not that close and there’s no real way to bring it up.

isabellerossignol · 21/05/2019 06:17

At school one lunchtime someone sneaked into the classroom we were due to be in after lunch and drew a nasty cartoon of one of the girls in the class on the blackboard. We hadn't been getting on all that well so when the teacher asked who she thought might be responsible, the girl assumed it was me and said so. So I got the blame. I didn't do it, but because I didn't want to be a grass I didn't say who did do it, so I got the blame. That's 30 years ago and still annoys me because that teacher was lovely and it changed her opinion of me. She teaches my daughter now and it took all my self control not to bring it up on parents night and clear my name.

Mind you, my mum is 86 and was just telling me recently about how it still annoys her that her teacher when she was 8 wrongly believed that she cheated in a spelling test. We obviously have a strong sense of justice in our family.

Stillonly8am · 21/05/2019 06:18

I sympathise with the family scapegoat posts here. I think DB and I were both scapegoats in different ways (anyone in the family who wasn't my mother ended up as a scapegoat at one time or another). But what I really hated was being told I'd broke things when I hadn't because I was supposedly so clumsy and disorganised. If anything, I was only a little ham-fisted because I was so scared of the fuss if I broke something.

My parents got me something I really wanted for one of my early teenage birthdays. It was already broken in the box, but they just laughed and made out that I'd already broken it in 2 seconds. I was just expected to use it broken.

NameChangerAmI · 21/05/2019 06:24

StillOnly8am

soulrunner · 21/05/2019 06:26

Not exactly facts, but impressions that are unshakeable.

My sister is convinced I'm the squarest and most super-conventional person ever, based purely on the fact that I once declined to go to the pub in order to revise for my A-level English (which was 2 days later). As a result she couldn't go as she couldn't get there. It's now 20+ years later and nothing I've done in the interim (which include quite a lot of pretty unconventional things outside most people's comfort zones, including hers') has adjusted this opinion.

I also have a friend who cannot absorb what I actually do for a job vs. what she thinks I do. The two things are related but really not that closely. It's like she thinks I'm a bank manager when actually I'm a commodities trader (but not that).

Stillonly8am · 21/05/2019 06:34

Thank you, NameChangerAmI.

FancyAPint · 21/05/2019 06:34

Around age 8 in the 70's I was playing a game with the girl next to me during class 'hide each others pencil'. Many goes later she has had enough and when it is my turn to hide says, just give it back now. The teacher hears/sees and says "don't worry Roseanne, I saw that". The teacher then makes me come to the front of the class and gives me the belt! For years I thought I was belted for playing a game during class, it wasn't until years later that I realised she assumed I was trying to steal the pencil. That kind of puts the teacher in a slightly better light but she known throughout the school to be a total bitch. Years later when I was 15 and working in a cafe I saw her again for the first time and really wanted to confront her when I had to serve her. It was crazy busy and I chickened out sadly. I was a really well behaved quiet child at school as well, didn't tell my parents at the time incase I got the belt again at home for getting the belt at school!

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