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Original poster

Childless couples

470 replies

letsgohooray · 20/05/2019 20:24

I came to the realisation that 90% of our family life involves or revolves around the dc. Either driving them somewhere or organising something for them or getting stuff for them etc. I genuinely want to know what childless couples do when they are not working? I want a breakdown!!! Weekday evenings and weekends. What do you do with your time? DO you spend it with your dp or away on activities? What do you talk about with each other. It is a whole world I can not imagine.

OP posts:
ifCakesHappens · 20/05/2019 21:34

I don't think people who spend their weekends driving dc around think they are important, in fact spending my life running around my dc's makes me feel pretty unimportant.

hear hear!

Pre children we met in bars or went exercising together after work.

Pre-children, we used to exercise a lot and go to competitions at the weekend
we used to drive or fly away somewhere and spend a night or 2 in a B&B or a nice little hotel
we used to have friends around, or go and visit them.

The latest we still do, with kids in tow!

I didn't do any cleaning at the weekend, and still don't even with kids - that hasn't changed, but my working hours have changed a lot.

My kids were very much wanted and I regret nothing, but I know one thing: I wouldn't be working a 9 to 5 (-- or 8 to 8 as we used to) if I didn't have them.

BlueSkiesLies · 20/05/2019 21:35

Up at 5 for one hour’s housework and then get ready for work

Saturdays will be lazy breakfast, then clean the house through properly

That is a lot of housework for two adults!

formerbabe · 20/05/2019 21:35

Childless couples I know all seem to eat out at restaurants every day of the week.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
BigMosquito · 20/05/2019 21:37

Read, watch TV, socialise with friends both together and separately, spend a lot of time with our families, cook, go on walks together, have holidays, gigs, theatre, museums, lectures, eating out, beer gardens in an afternoon, drives into the countryside, city breaks, pottering about the house, DIY, gym, board games. Pretty much what most child-free couples do and did do before having kids.

SachaStark · 20/05/2019 21:41

@BlueSkiesLies but I include everything in that.

Laundry, washing up, emptying the bins, meal prepping, home admin, organising and tidying, and cleaning. Everything I would class as “work” for my home.

It’s also partly that I’m one of those annoying “a place for everything and everything in its place” people, and I like everything perfect. And then partly that I LOVE doing my housework. I find it very therapeutic, probably because I have the kind of job where the work is NEVER done, hence the 60-70 hour weeks. I find it extremely satisfying to do a job at home, and be able to complete it! Ive learned that it’s very good for my mental health.

mydogisthebest · 20/05/2019 21:43

We are childfree and have been married 40 years. DH works so when he gets home we usually eat our meal and then take our dogs for a walk. We then may watch tv or read or use our laptops or even just sit and chat.

Weekends we might take the dogs out for the day to woods or the beach. We might go to a castle or stately home or an open garden. We might go to a museum or art gallery. We often go to London for the day or weekend. We often go to the cinema also the theatre.

We like to cook together, garden, do diy on our house, play games like scrabble, listen to music, watch a film.

We never seem to run out of things to talk about. We often just sit and chat and we usually speak to each other on the phone every day when DH is working

BlueSkiesLies · 20/05/2019 21:43

@SachaStark I wish I found housework therapeutic :-) I bet your house is lovely

JustLooking2019 · 20/05/2019 21:43

I’m finding this thread quite interesting actually.
I became a parent at 19 so have never really lived an adult life without children so the things I would’ve have done in my spare time back then are not the things I would do in spare, child free time now (studying, clubbing etc) also my I had my children before I met my DH so we have never had our relationship without the kids around (the odd night off and our honeymoon excepted)
I have no idea what we’ll do with our time once the kids leave home but i imagine it’ll be lovely, lunch out, walks, no fighting to referee, sex without worrying we’ll be heard!!

applesarerroundandshiny · 20/05/2019 21:43

What do you enjoy doing OP? What would you choose to do with your time if you didn't have family? I'm quite concerned as to your question as I would assume that if your oldest child is now 25, unless you have a family spreading over many years you must be coming up to the time when your DC will be independent.
In my experience couples without children get out and do things, sports, theatre, gigs, weekends away etc. They have more money and are not so tired as running their household is easier.

ArchieRevival · 20/05/2019 21:44

DF and I come home from work and;

  • Decide whether we’re eating in or out (usually in)
  • If eating in IMEDIATLEY change into our comfy lounge wear and flop on the sofa watching Netflix and chatting about our day.
  • Friends often pop over and we occasionally engage in board games and drinks!
  • We treat ourselves to 9pm bed times and give each other foot rubs whilst we binge watch Netflix series and book expensive exotic holidays on our iPads 😊 - about to your Europe for 3 weeks!!!

On weekends we browse shops and spend £50 on approx 6 meals from mns which require no actual cooking and then worry we won’t get chance to eat them in time as we still want to try a list of restaurants in our city. DF usually freezes a couple of them and then potters around the garden planting fancy trees he ordered online whilst I work on my book on my laptop and text the cleaners with any specific stuff I’d like doing (they come on a Monday).

😬 we’re currently TTC, our lifestyle won’t change too much though right??? 🙄😂😂😂

ICantFindAFreeNickName2 · 20/05/2019 21:44

I know what you mean op. We had 13 years together before kids and now 23 years later, I can't really remember what we did with all our time pre-kids. Though we did both work very long hours and go to the pub several times each week.
We are just at the nice stage of getting more freedom now our youngest is 16. I think I will have to find a few more hobbies when my dd doesn't need running to all her activities in future.

Rando42 · 20/05/2019 21:45

I don’t think it was the intention, but I do agree that this comes across as a bit unpleasant. Maybe I think that more because we’ve been trying not to be childless for so long?

DH and I have mutual hobbies. We play games (xbox, and real life stuff like board games etc) either with each other or with friends. We watch tv and films a lot. We eat out. We have day trips. Not really exotic holidays often since we’re spending money on home improvements. We spend time with family and friends.

What do we talk about? Everything. Friends, family, work, music, common interests, tv, pets, food, games. DH doesn’t read much but he’ll talk about books I’m reading with me all the time. He plays games on his own and I’ll listen to him talk about the plot. And sometimes we just sit doing our own thing in comfortable silence. It’ll be great if we have kids one day, but if we don’t our lives aren’t boring and we enjoy just existing together.

Bythebeach · 20/05/2019 21:47

I don’t think it’s goady is it? I’m fascinated what long term chikdfree/less couples do too because DC1 was a surprise when I was 27 and a few years from planning kids. My life prior to him was that of an affluent young adult in central London - going out lots, buying gorgeous clothes, going to the theatre. I remember going to that Matisse-Piccasso exhibition that was so popular at the Tate Modern it was open at midnight, meeting friends for long lazy brunches out at the weekends. I still have lots of friends from my pre-child days - all but two have kids now and no one appears to live life like we used to in that first heady flush of adulthood. And then with DH my pre kid time with him was largely travelling - tops of mountains, jungle temples, 36 hour bus journeys, sand and hostels and hammocks for the best part of a year. We didn’t have years of settled time pre kids so I have no idea how we would have /will (when the kids grow up) function as a couple without the incessant commitments of 3 kids and two demanding jobs and a dog. The only good thing about having no time is that even after all these years we still get really excited to have time together - a kid free day/night or evening is the height of luxury! But I can really see why OP asks the question.

FancyAPint · 20/05/2019 21:48

My DD is away at uni so I have tons of free time. I go out on the town a alot parties/pubs/events/ festivals/ theatre/cinema/lunches out/ beer gardens in the summer/ weekly water sport/ reading/mumsnet/ meeting friends, boyfriend or dates, trips away (got 4 planned over summer), lazy mornings, indulgent netflix boxset marathons, endless! I'm loving it!

mydogisthebest · 20/05/2019 21:48

Formerbabe, we certainly don't eat out every night! Maybe a couple of times a month. We can't really afford it and anyway think we can cook as well if not better than most places.

I know quite a few childfree couples and they don't eat out that often either

Bythebeach · 20/05/2019 21:49

Oh yes and reading. I used to read all the time. Now, I Mumsnet!

masktaster · 20/05/2019 21:52

I have DC, but before eldest (2) arrived, we played board games and visited theme parks, mostly - both things we continue to do, though with more child friendly games and attractions, and less time for both.

We also read more, watched more shite TV and less CBeebies, and generally had less going on, but also less ties. Early in our relationship I was still a student, then we were both students, and then we had cycles of one/both of us being unemployed. Life's a bit more stable now.

IABUQueen · 20/05/2019 21:54

I’m reading this thread because it gets me back in touch with who I want to be and shift my focus away from kids kids kids...

I suspect this was the OPs intention. No patronising intended to those that don’t have kids if anything, I often wonder whether it’s wiser to decide against having kids because of the amount of exhaustion.. but I do love my child too much that I would pause logic for him.

No harm from fantasizing about enjoying your relationship as a couple not just a sense parents and then to strive for that.

cherryblossomgin · 20/05/2019 21:55

We don't do alot which is how we like it. We have a quiet life, DH watches his shows and plays PS4 I knit and play games on the PC. We have different tastes so dont watch shows together. If we have a whole day together we will do house work then maybe go for lunch and some light shopping. We are TTC right now.

tangledyarn · 20/05/2019 21:56

Its really not some mythical wonderland. Mostly the same stuff as people with kids..housework, life admin, seeing family and friends (either kids!) looking after pets, shopping etc. More time for sleeping, peace and quiet, trips to the pub and time for hobbies but nowt v exciting and minimal time spent in national trust properties and or jetsetting around the world.

VladmirsPoutine · 20/05/2019 21:58

It was a lot of eating out and city breaks. I also never tired of the idle Sunday mornings spent listening to the radio and reading newspapers with a coffee.

BritInUS1 · 20/05/2019 22:03

We have no kids

We both have very demanding jobs, when we are home we chill out alone or with friends, go out for dinner, drives in the country, holiday, road trips, hobbies, book club.

We spend time alone and together

NameChangedNoImagination · 20/05/2019 22:03

Sacha you clean A LOT.

Orangeballon · 20/05/2019 22:03

Childless people have lots of time to spend the money they have saved by not having children.

PurpleDaisies · 20/05/2019 22:07

Childless people have lots of time to spend the money they have saved by not having children.

Do they? I’m clearly doing it wrong...

Lots of stereotypes on this thread that aren’t very helpful.