Childless couples

[letsgohooray]

I came to the realisation that 90% of our family life involves or revolves around the dc. Either driving them somewhere or organising something for them or getting stuff for them etc. I genuinely want to know what childless couples do when they are not working? I want a breakdown!!! Weekday evenings and weekends. What do you do with your time? DO you spend it with your dp or away on activities? What do you talk about with each other. It is a whole world I can not imagine.

I can think of loads of things I would do if I was a part of a childless couple 🤣

People have hobbies, they eat out, go away on short breaks, visit places, relax at home or in a beer garden. I think it would be important to spend time alone doing your own hobbies rather than doing everything together but I can imagine being childless could be amazing 🤣

I don't think people who spend their weekends driving dc around think they are important, in fact spending my life running around my dc's makes me feel pretty unimportant.
I remember watching event tv, eating out and cinema but I reckon we wasted a lot of time just faffing pre dc. I'm sure we will again once dc leave.

We are child free, not necessarily by choice, but we have made peace with it.

Weekdays we eat dinner, tidy up, then tend to do our own thing until bed, checking in with each other for cups of tea.

Weekends we lie in bed until close to lunchtime, either have brunch at home, or go out for a nice lunch. If we’re in during the day, we usually go out for dinner. If we’re in at night we cook something fancy, have wine, watch a film or TV together. Sometimes DP goes off to football or to meet friends, I do likewise without football.

We also go on city breaks often, go and see bands or films, go for walks, plus do all the boring stuff people with children do - go to the supermarket, cut the grass, clean the bathroom, do some work-work at home, and so on.

I imagine the biggest difference is that we don’t have to worry about making child-friendly choices when we plan things, and that we can loll in bed shagging, eating bacon sandwiches, or just listening to music on a Sunday without fretting a small child is going to pop up. (That said, we have quite a demanding cat.) I suppose we also have freedom in terms of money, in that if we blow a load of cash on something frivolous then have a tight month, we don’t need to be concerned that children are going without.

My sister is 40 with no DC (doesn’t want them). Married to an older man with grown up DC.

Their life is sweeeeet . They are both self employed and have to travel a lot for work but have flexibility, so often travel together to get a mini break out of the other one’s work trip.

They travel loads regardless.

They have a lovely apartment and entertain a lot.

They go to the gym loads.

They have disposable income to do things like shop in Whole Foods daily and buy posh cosmetics and drive a nice car.

I’m not jealous 😆

We watch tv. My husband works quite a lot. We bake, we go for walks and weekends hiking with our dog, we go to see bands and we just spend time together but on our phones or Xbox.. we are desperate to have children but we're soaking up newly married life for now...

Whatever we want to.

We're not big of NT properties, as much as I like them. We intentionally don't drive, so our ventures into the countryside are limited by public traffic, and we do just fine in more urban areas.

We go to a couple of groups together a month - a book club and an illness support one - but otherwise our evenings, weekends and holidays aren't scheduled really. We just do whatever we need to (shopping, garden, house, other chores, trips to elderly parents etc) or whatever we want to.

We're homebirds, really. We read a lot and talk about what we read. We're both into gaming, but although we used to game together, we're into different things at the moment. It's nice to keep tabs on each other's games, though. We go for walks. We used to take a tai chi class together, but haven't kept up with that of late. We both get into some interests of our own sporadically, which is more something to chat to the other person about rather than something we try to do together. (I'm currently experimenting with some garden stuff; DH seems fascinated with metallurgy.)

In general we do spend a lot of time just the two of us. DH often works from home, and I don't work FT, so there are a lot in promptu daytime walks together, quick cafe breaks, or just having lunch together midweek in the kitchen. Chatting and just being together. We both have friends independent of each other, but the vast majority of our time is spent just the two of us. It's a good thing we like it so far (it's been nearly 20 years now!).

We're not wealthy, so holidays (as in travelling) are rare and usually close by. I know some of my friends have a notion that childless people must automatically have lots of money to spend, but we have a mortgage and bills like everyone, and ill health has affected our earnings quite a lot.

Spend a lot of time and money eating and drinking out
Sleep

Weekday mornings one of us goes downstairs to make the coffee and get the overnight oats from the fridge and we eat breakfast in bed and complain about work

Weekday evenings we do a couple things together like a spin class and a yoga class. Sometimes a cheeky after work pint or two. Sometimes we’ll meet in the city after work for a gig or the cinema if there is something we want to see. We also have our own, separate routine things we do one or two nights a week.

Weekend mornings we often have a lie in, lazy weekend morning sex , breakfast in bed (something better than overnight oats 😂), walks to the next village for coffee/ breakfast with our books.

Weekend daytimes are sometimes separate. Gym, shopping, respective families or friends, chores etc

Weekend evenings; often together but sometimes with our own friends. We love a good night out: drinks, dinner, a late night bar. We also LOVE to cook together and have great dinner parties alone or with friends.

In the summer a few more weekends are spent camping, hiking and cycling.

We are fortunate to be able to go away a lot. Around 3 city breaks a year, one traditional “summer” holiday, one skiing and one European “active” holiday like cycling.

It’s a good life and for me, I knew I would miss these things more than I would love being a parent. Most of my friends with children also seem very happy and I hope you feel that way too.

I have 3DC and I know exactly what I did before the DCs and also exactly what I'd be doing if they hadn't come along.

Basically enjoying myself, redecorating (trips to decorating shops whenever I felt like it and probably after a long lie-in and maybe a run or workout and NOT when it could be negotiated between ballet/gym/football/endless parties for the DCs. Gardening, reading, travelling, making things, new skills, probably a few more pets, cooking whatever we felt like eating rather than what the DCs will eat (or rather, don't eat). Enjoying leisurely lunches, going out for drinks at the drop of a hat (no babysitters required for a simple few drinks!) getting involved in some local community or wildlife project, or an unusual, indulgently time-consuming hobby taking up evenings and weekends. Basically having a very nice life. I do enjoy the DCs but I can think of a thousand things I would and could be doing otherwise, it's really not hard for me at all to think of it.

The phrase is child free, not childless

Definitely not in my case. The majority of childless people are not childless by choice.

Well I do have children but they are now university age so not usually here and mostly not requiring much input, certainly not driving around. Being effectively child-free now, we are spending our time cycling and sailing (DH) both of which are fairly time-consuming if you decide to participate on a weekend, I go to the gym more frequently and for longer, I joined a book club, both of us watch more TV and I read a lot more. This weekend we are off to a jazz festival, next weekend we are going to spend a day doing an artist trail. By the time we have done 20 years of this, yes we may be a bit bored but we will also be in our mid-seventies so I imagine we'll have slowed down anyway! Things which we still seem to fail to somehow have enough time to do are sorting the garden properly or getting to the end of a long list of DIY!

OP, I also know what you mean! I was with my DH for about nine years before we had DD who is now 9. I think we used to have weekends away, holidays and nights out at pubs and restaurants. It all revolves around her now. I am hoping that as she gets older we may get some of that back. Oh and there is a lot more laundry and I can't just decide not too provide food or not get up anymore, which I used to do.

In fairness I’m a different character to my child free sister. I’d probably be an obese alcoholic workaholic with all that time.

She has arranged her life to be healthy, fun and generally wonderful. I admire her.

I can imagine being childless could be amazing

It’s not-it’s just normal life. We still have work, mortgages, family responsibilities etc...

Being child free in your 20s isn’t the same as when you’re older.

The same thing you did before having children?

See friends, family, do house chores, garden chores, exercise, go camping, hiking, biking, climbing, occasionally kayak, read, watch tv, go out to eat, cook nicer and more involved food than during the week. Lane around sunbathing in the garden if it’s hot enough. And yes, go on holiday a lot as per stereotypical childless people.

We have plenty to talk about. I assume you had enough to talk about with your DH before children?!

We’ve been together for 16 years and I’m not bored of just hanging out with my husband yet! We watch tv, walk the dogs, spend time with family, go out with friends, go to the cinema, I’ve done some evening classes, my husband has a football season ticket.
As others have mentioned, we still have to do boring household chores, shopping, etc. But I do feel like I’m a lot more relaxed/less stressed than my friends/familiy with young children.

Watch tv, go to museums, go to big events, go to concerts, read, paint, sew, crochet, although these last ones when DH is doing something on the computer, bake cookies, meet friends, host dinner parties and board game evenings, have weekend lunches in cafe's, go for a hike or cycle somewhere, go to the zoo.

Stuff like that.

Being child free in your 20s isn’t the same as when you’re older.

Also being child free in your 30s isn't the same when you're a retired couple in your 70s (just from the assumption of spending all one's time in NT properties - although I'm sure lots of younger people enjoy them, too).

OP - if you first gave birth 25 years ago then I'm intrigued about just how many offspring you have spawned that 25 years down the line you still spend 90% of your free time dealing with your children!

I have 2 teenagers but am still bemused by a grown adult having no idea what people without children do in their free time

What a strange thread!

I agree, the phrase is ‘child-free’,not ‘childless’, as I read ‘childless’ as being something negative and somehow implies pity/sorrow.

Anyway! We get up to alsorts- lies in at the weekend, peace and quiet on an evening after work, cinema, meals out with family and friends, comedy gigs, festivals, theatre, concerts, trips away, shopping, holidays. And then there’s the normal everyday mundane stuff- housework, DIY, admin, cooking, cleaning etc.

Honestly? I feel my life is so busy sometimes I don’t know how I would have time to raise a child, even if I wanted one (which I don’t).

*"you have a bit of a tone of "but what do you little people actually do with your time, surely it's terribly boring?" Rather than "it must be nice to have time together"."

Exactly. Intentional or not, that's how it comes across.*

Balls. You can't put a tone into text.

DH and I are late 20s and early 30s.

I work really long hours during the week, so weekdays are like this:

Up at 5 for one hour’s housework and then get ready for work. Leave for work at 7, at work until between 5 and 7pm, depending on what time meetings finish, then drive home. Crash on the couch for half an hour, then cook dinner and watch a TV show. Work for a couple more hours, usually 9-11pm, then bed.

Weekends vary. Usually up between 6 and 7 (morning bird).

Saturdays will be lazy breakfast, then clean the house through properly. Coffee with my mum, then take my granny out for the afternoon. Evening is with our group of friends, usually dinner or cheese and wine evening or BBQ on the beach if the weather is good. Watch a film and get pissed in one another’s houses until about 1-2am. Play cheesy music and stupid games.

Sundays are breakfast with my brother, shopping (food and possibly more indulgent shopping), then DH and I pick a long walk. We also both enjoy DIY projects, so if it’s crap weather, we will likely pick a project inside the house to work on together. Come home and have Sunday dinner, then get ready for work to start again. Usually fit in 3-4 hours of work in the evening.

We also squeeze in sex as often as we can, ha ha! Tends to happen more when it’s a week off work to be honest.

In between work and housework, my main hobby is reading. I get through about 100-120 books a year, with the help of audio books, and reading whenever there’s a spare minute, usually in queues, or whilst doing something really menial.

We want to have kids one day, but I honestly can’t imagine forgetting that this was what my life before having them. I feel like I’m permanently busy all the time, there are never enough hours in the day. Did you just not do much before you had kids?

Weekends we are usually: visiting friends and family to play with their children for a couple of hours then come home to enjoy the peace and quiet, or go on an outing eg theatre, talks, walks, spa days etc, or productive stuff like doing things for the house and garden, or lazy stuff like watching films or reading.

Weekday evenings we are pretty busy with sports, volunteer stuff, shopping, chores and tele watching.

On Sunday I cleared out the shed, did a trip to the tip, arranged for people to come pick up the things I was giving away and also trimmed all the hedges and cleared up.

Hardly glamorous and exciting.

DP was doing work-work and occasionally came out to talk to me on his breaks.

It doesn't matter whether it's by choice or not,it's still child free