DH keeps waking the baby then sulking

[Firsttimemummy19]

Baby is only 4 months and I'm really trying to establish a little pattern with regards day time naps and it's not easy.

I've explained to DH several times how important naps are for the baby and how we need quiet to try get him off to sleep but almost every-time baby has just nodded off my DH makes some sort of loud noise, like speaking really loudly, dropping something, switching the hoover on !!, sneezing etc. The baby is a light sleeper so each time he startles him and wakes him up meaning I've got to start the lengthy process again or just give up and have a cranky baby.

DH is acting the victim and says he needs to make noises and it's not natural etc, tbh I'm finding him really selfish. Even at bedtime when I'm trying to get the baby to sleep,DH will come up with us and still make noises when he could choose to stay downstairs and make noises all he wants but he would rather be with us. He's driving he mad!

Is it me?!

some do.

Just to make it even more painful when you have one of the many who don't!

Some babies just don't sleep through that sort of noise. One of mine would wake up if people were talking downstairs. The other could sleep through literally anything, including my mum dropping baking trays a few feet from him. Tell him to grow up. It's not forever. My light sleeper is 3 now and sleeps through most things. Including falling out of bed.

Yanbu! If Dh isn’t able to help with your baby’s sleep the least he could do is not hinder. It’s very reasonable to tell him to just be a bit less thoughtless, it’s not like your DS will be sleeping the entire day so he just has to show a bit of consideration at key times. Nothing wrong with that!!
My dc4 was (still is) a lighter sleeper so I asked my older 3 to keep it down a bit with she naps, and it’s never been an issue. Kids are able to understand that a little one is sleeping and just be a bit considerate so why can’t an adult DH

I think it's one thing sleeping through noise, but trying to get to sleep with sudden loud noises is very difficult for most people to manage, let alone a 4 month old.

Who hasn't woken up with a start just as they're drifting off at a car alarm going off/a door slamming shut etc. That's the same thing that the OP's baby is experiencing.

Once deeply asleep, I'm sure that many people can sleep through sudden loud noises. As possibly many babies can. Others cannot.

OP - YANBU

Your husband needs to start parenting his kid. He can try to settle the baby, without breasts, this is not your sole responsibility, express some milk and the father can perform basic parenting skills, or give the baby a dummy if sucking for comfort whilst the father parents his kid, he can sulk all he wants whilst engaged in parenting his child

Maybe dad need to be the one to settle the baby down to sleep.

Oh my God my husband is the worst for waking our 5 month old. It's his loud voice!!

We have a MyHummy next to DS now so any background noise is barely noticeable.

It helps immeasurablyz

Also the people who are bitching about a baby needing to be used to noise.

The problem is, when a baby falls asleep in a quiet room is the sudden noise that wakes them. Just like it would wake you too if you had a sudden noise while you were asleep!

If a baby falls asleep in a busy noise town or supermarket and there's was a sudden noise the baby is way more unlikely to wake.

People are so unrealistic when it comes to babies sleeping. It's hilarious.

Rule in our house when ds was a baby was 'you wake him, you take him'. Enforced it a few times. Worked a treat.

You will be surprised how much quieter he will get. Dh is a big, loud bloke, used to shouting to be hears on building sites and stomping around in steel toe caps. He could be very light on his feet, sneeze discreetly and even talk in a low voice once he realised I was serious.

How is your husband supposed to stop himself from sneezing

Taco stop being pedantic. There's loud sneezes and there's considerate sneezes and you know it.

TBH it is the sulking that would worry me.
People who sulk are really not mature enough to be parents, IMO.
Sulkers often have other problems.
Is he going to sulk when his baby wakes him at night?
When his toddler has a tantrum?
My MIL was a sulker and she was a complete menace around the dc.

People were always telling me my house was too quiet and my baby needed to get used to noise. I was a single mum with one baby, living alone. Not sure where all this noise was supposed to come from.

Maybe have some background noise, not silence when baby goes to sleep. Then sudden noises like sneezes might not be so startling.

Agree that your husband's behaviour after waking the baby is problematic.

There's a difference between getting on with life as normal while your baby sleeps, and emptying the dishwasher and shouting just As they're trying to settle. Especially when they're that little and still learning to sleep.

If it's your turn to settle the baby - note "turn", because your husband should be doing it too - all he has to do is put his feet up for 15mins. It's really not that hard.

It's thoughtless, and I'd be annoyed too. I don't know why there is this obsession with babies needing to learn to sleep with a full brass band playing next to their head. It's hardly a necessary skill for adulthood.

I knew of a midwife who always advised new mums to put the Moses basket under the telly, so as baby learnt to sleep through noise!

I agree with pp that creeping around in silence is making a rod for your own back. Carry on as normal.

I don’t understand how by 4 months of having a baby your partner doesn’t know how to settle his own child, having an EBF baby doesn’t mean that a man can’t help.

Get DH to try walking the baby round to sleep? I bf all three of ours, but DH often walked round with them to get them to sleep when I did not have much milk in the evenings. Second time, we had twins and an older DC. DH looked after one twin at weekends while I looked after the other, apart from bf. He always walked the one he was looking after round at weekends and evenings to get them to sleep.

We have only looked after DGD for a few hours a few times as she is EBF. We saw them Saturday and she was grizzly, out of sorts. Yesterday they asked us to look after her for an hour at tea time, and she developed a streaming cold while we were there. More grizzling! In fact, they were delayed, past her bedtime. DH walked round with her, struggling to breathe through her nose, until she fell asleep on his shoulder!

Completely agree with you about sudden noises. I would wake if someone started vacuuming next to me as well.

I would suggest loud pink noise played on a loop, if it's on when baby goes up they will fall asleep to it and it masks other noises. Only issue is a power cut, will wake them if the noise stops!

I don’t understand how by 4 months of having a baby your partner doesn’t know how to settle his own child, having an EBF baby doesn’t mean that a man can’t help.

Having had 3 breast fed babies that don't take dummies, may I be the first one to say - LOL!!!!!!!!

Taco stop being pedantic. There's loud sneezes and there's considerate sneezes and you know it.

Yes, to some extent you can control how loud your sneezes are, but at the risk of sounding ridiculous there really are a lot of sneezes that you can't control and the OP hasn't actually indicated whether she thinks he is sneezing loudly on purpose or not. Happy to be corrected by OP.

AndOutComeTheBoobs

None of mine ever took a dummy, but DMIL could settle any baby by rocking, and she showed us how to!

MontStMichel nice. Mine had colic reflux and allergies and it was hard enough for me to settle them, they were outright irate if anyone with my boobs tried.

I'm sure there's billions of babies on here that would settle for even Satan himself.

But there will be billions that wouldn't.
and that's totally normal and no parent should be made to feel like it isn't.

I don’t understand how by 4 months of having a baby your partner doesn’t know how to settle his own child, having an EBF baby doesn’t mean that a man can’t help.

Having had 3 breast fed babies that don't take dummies, may I be the first one to say - LOL!!!!!!!!

I’ve had 2 breast fed babies that don’t take dummies and dh settles them better than I do. HTH with the lolz.