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Original poster

DH keeps waking the baby then sulking

107 replies

Firsttimemummy19 · 18/05/2019 18:58

Baby is only 4 months and I'm really trying to establish a little pattern with regards day time naps and it's not easy.

I've explained to DH several times how important naps are for the baby and how we need quiet to try get him off to sleep but almost every-time baby has just nodded off my DH makes some sort of loud noise, like speaking really loudly, dropping something, switching the hoover on !!, sneezing etc. The baby is a light sleeper so each time he startles him and wakes him up meaning I've got to start the lengthy process again or just give up and have a cranky baby.

DH is acting the victim and says he needs to make noises and it's not natural etc, tbh I'm finding him really selfish. Even at bedtime when I'm trying to get the baby to sleep,DH will come up with us and still make noises when he could choose to stay downstairs and make noises all he wants but he would rather be with us. He's driving he mad!

Is it me?!

OP posts:
Lazypuppy · 18/05/2019 19:49

Him sleeping in a different room doesn't mean he cant do some naps during the day?

If he wakes the baby he has to resettle the baby

ItStartedWithAKiss241 · 18/05/2019 19:51

My DS wouldn’t sleep through any noise either, he’s my third child so no precious first born stuff.
Your husband surely knows what his child aswell and if he would like to be with you while you put DC to nap he should be quiet.
Surely he could just stay downstairs and play on his phone/ do a job/ poop or whatever husbands do all day x 😂

EggAndButter · 18/05/2019 19:53

It’s nit you, it’s him.

He can’t settle the baby because he never had to do it an therefore hasn’t learnt.
This is also why he can’t see the issue with the noise. He never had to put all the effort into settling said baby.

Time for him to step up and actually do some parenting, incl putting baby to sleep in the evening/naps.

Re baby and needing silence.
I’ve had one baby who coud sleep through anything and one that needed silence. The one that needed silence was the second one who, really, shouod have got used to noise pretty quickly. Having an 18months old in the house does that! But he didn’t and still madly needed his naps.
I have to say I would tell your DH that either he is MUCH more careful or he deals with the cranky baby for the rest of the day. And I would then go out form the afternoon, have some peace and quiet whilst he deals with a grumpy baby.
Unfortunately, my experience tells me that the only way he will learn is through direct experience.

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Parker231 · 18/05/2019 19:53

Why isn’t he settling the baby? Has he accepted that it’s one of a parents jobs?

toomuchtooold · 18/05/2019 19:53

DD2 needed total silence and dark to sleep when she was that age. Once she was about one and a half she slept through most noise (although she still likes it dark, aged 7). You don't have to get them used to loud noise at 4 months, you're not "making a rod for your own back", at this age it's any means necessary. And the more they sleep, the easier they find it to sleep, so if you protect his naps now he may well become more noise tolerant anyway.

Only place you're making a rod for your own back is if you keep taking this crap off your "D"H. As others have said: you wake him you take him.

Expressedways · 18/05/2019 19:53

You can’t really be mad at him for accidentally dropping something or sneezing... That said he sounds like a pretty useless Dad. Just because he sleeps in a different room overnight shouldn’t mean he never has to settle the baby for naps. This wouldn’t an issue if he was doing his fair share of parenting because he’d understand how hard it is to settle a light sleeper and wouldn’t start hoovering just after they’ve finally gone down for a nap.

Celebelly · 18/05/2019 19:54

He needs to learn to settle her. I got home from extended hospital stay exhausted and on bring of collapse. I handed DD to DP, said 'you take her, I have to sleep', and went to bed and slept. He had to learn what to do, no choice! She's 3.5 months now and he still gets plenty of opportunities to settle her by himself. If your partner can't settle her, it's probably because he's never spent any time trying.

slipperywhensparticus · 18/05/2019 19:54

I have one virtually bomb proof sleeper who for the first few months needed silence to fall asleep you could start a war after 10 minutes sleep but that ten minutes silence was vital!

53rdWay · 18/05/2019 19:55

Definitely don’t tell him to stay downstairs at bedtime. Hand him the baby and go downstairs yourself. He needs to start doing this, and then either the baby will magically learn to sleep through any noise produced or his dad will learn to keep it down a bit.

beargrass · 18/05/2019 19:57

Background noise is fine (white noise we found to be brilliant). Sudden noise will of course cause a problem. He needs to understand the difference between the two.

Original poster
Firsttimemummy19 · 18/05/2019 20:04

Baby is EBF and likes to feed to settle so won't settle with DH or anyone else.

Thanks for those supportive posts, DH is just annoying me and can be very selfish & childish. He's just come up and told me to hurry up as BGTs on!! Wtf!!?

OP posts:
Csleeptime · 18/05/2019 20:20

I used to say things like you're making a rod for your own back to people, first baby sleeps through building work and eats everything. Then I had my second baby who doesn't sleep and wakes at everything and wont eat solid food at all. They are all different.

Think you need to be a bit clearer with him that you won't tolerate him keep waking the baby making your life harder as he can't help with sleep, or when he does then he does nap duty after youve fed he can drive around for an hour while baby sleeps in the car and you take a break!

He really won't get it as he isn't the person who has to deal with it. Good luck.

Csleeptime · 18/05/2019 20:21

P.s. agree with previous posters, white noise is definitely your friend here.

Mississippilessly · 18/05/2019 20:47

Can DH take the baby out for a nap in the pram or something?
From someone 8 months down the line and was verging on a breakdown- it is imperative that DH steps up. My DH couldn't settle our baby but he kept trying, bought me ear plugs so I couldn't hear him crying with him. 2 weeks ago, suddenly, DS settled with him. He needs to keep trying.

DC3dilemma · 18/05/2019 20:55

How will you cope if you have a second...try asking another child for silence!

Honestly, you need some music or white noise that goes in when baby naps. We ask Alexa for ocean sounds. Before that we had a CD of wave music. Always on for naps and nighttime sleeping. Then we can all relax and move about normally and the older kids can get away with a reasonable level of noise.

It’s actually quite useful because you will have something that can cue a nap when you are away from home, or need to put baby down at a different time.

It can be reasonably loud too -the womb was a noisy place -babies find it more reassuring than silence.

practicallyperfectmummy · 18/05/2019 21:43

Buy a white noise machine or app have it close to baby will drown him out!

EggAndButter · 18/05/2019 21:46

EBF will make things harder as, of course, he will have no experience at all....

EggAndButter · 18/05/2019 21:48

DC3 how you cope with another child?
By teaching them to be silent and finding a room removed from the other child bedroom when the oldest can play/draw etc.. whilst the second sleep.

That’s what I’ve done with Dc2 and dc1 (Dc2 couldn’t cope with noise at all, esp at nap time).
Dc1 was 18 months old when Dc2 was born so not old either...

Sometimes you have no choice.

SD1978 · 18/05/2019 22:09

I think you both have a bit of fault here. Trying to ensure a completely silent environment is not realistic- and not what babies when born are used to. Your husband also should try to reduce down the amount of noise he makes, but expecting complete silks is a tad ridiculous. Maybe start with white noise quietly as others have suggested, so that you're not both held to the whims of a sleeping baby and have to sit in complete silence?

Mummyshark2018 · 18/05/2019 22:13

Get a white noise machine! Best baby but I ever bought. We live on a busy road also but my dc still asks for it and she's 7!

peachgreen · 18/05/2019 23:38

He's being a dick. White noise will help.

Original poster
Firsttimemummy19 · 19/05/2019 08:30

@SD1978 Please tell me where I said I ask for complete silence as I don't remember writing that nor is it true! 🙄

It's loud startling sounds he's making, then sulking when he startles the baby who wakes to his abrupt noises!!!!!
And we aren't having any more children as im infertile bad took 20 years to conceive this one.

OP posts:
Teddybear45 · 19/05/2019 08:33

At this age it’s your job to get baby used to sleeping in a normal environment. If baby keeps waking up then it’s fine just put them back to bed. By attempting pin-drop silence at bedtime you’ll end up creating a 4 yo who can’t sleep anywhere except at home.

Mississippilessly · 19/05/2019 10:01

Sorry but I take issue with that teddybear45.
OP I dont believe it is our job to make sure he sleeps through noise. Some babies just dont. And many many wont go back to sleep once they have been woken. It's your job to make sure he sleeps. That's it. Sudden loud noises are likely to wake babies. White noise is great.
I dont believe the OP has said anywhere that she is trying to get silence?

When will people learn? Babies are different. It's our job as parents to do what we think is best for our babies.

RussianSpamBot · 19/05/2019 10:25

DH needs to learn to settle the baby himself, there's no other way round it. He doesn't appreciate or value the labour at the moment because he doesn't understand it. The best way for him to learn is to have that experience. The baby will settle eventually: sorry to be grim, but what do you think would happen if you were in a coma or something? This kind of attitude from him is storing up all kinds of problems for later.

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