DH keeps waking the baby then sulking

[Firsttimemummy19]

Baby is only 4 months and I'm really trying to establish a little pattern with regards day time naps and it's not easy.

I've explained to DH several times how important naps are for the baby and how we need quiet to try get him off to sleep but almost every-time baby has just nodded off my DH makes some sort of loud noise, like speaking really loudly, dropping something, switching the hoover on !!, sneezing etc. The baby is a light sleeper so each time he startles him and wakes him up meaning I've got to start the lengthy process again or just give up and have a cranky baby.

DH is acting the victim and says he needs to make noises and it's not natural etc, tbh I'm finding him really selfish. Even at bedtime when I'm trying to get the baby to sleep,DH will come up with us and still make noises when he could choose to stay downstairs and make noises all he wants but he would rather be with us. He's driving he mad!

Is it me?!

At this age it’s your job to get baby used to sleeping in a normal environment.

a normal sleeping environment is a dark room in complete silence - so what's your point?

I had one of those babies and remember being completely neurotic about noise, DS1 was a rubbish sleeper and would wake if a cupboard door was shut. When you are sleep deprived with a cranky baby it takes over your life.
I would leave your DH to settle the baby himself and go out so you don't get dragged into doing it when he inevitably struggles. It's the only way he'll get it.

So to the pp that think I should carry on as normal expecting a 4 month old to sleep through noisy environments even though he's shown and proven he can't, you think I should be selfish and carry on not allowing him to nap, allow him to be cranky and therefore not have a good nights sleep because of it. Hmmm fab advice that! 🤦🏻‍♀️

As some helpful posters have said - not all babies are the same!!!

@ManchesterBorn 😂🙌🏻

So to the pp that think I should carry on as normal expecting a 4 month old to sleep through noisy environments even though he's shown and proven he can't, you think I should be selfish and carry on not allowing him to nap, allow him to be cranky and therefore not have a good nights sleep because of it. Hmmm fab advice that!

Take it you have not tried to keep young children and toddlers completely silent while the baby sleeps? Doesn’t work by stomping your foot and exclaiming that they are being selfish. What you describe sounds like completely normal background household noise which would be a hell of a lot worse with other young kids and babies through the ages have coped.

HoppingPavlova

first of all, the OP only has one child so that's completely irrelevant.

Most importantly, I have 4, and yes you can keep the house quiet when baby sleep if you have one of those who doesn't sleep unless silence. When you have to, you manage. It's just how you organise yourself.

You have two babies.
The nice little one and then the big lumpen gaslighter.

Can you pump even a little bit, so that your DH can feed baby? DD wouldn't take a bottle if I was anywhere about but if I gave DH a bottle of pumped milk and buggered off, they were okay.

Then you can really give your DH the job of getting yours back to sleep if he wakes DS by being a twat. I know what you mean--of course you're not saying he can never sneeze, you're saying when he feels a sneeze coming on, could he go away and sneeze quietly instead of doing it super loudly right by the cot. And he's refusing.

For what it's worth, he's probably struggling with the adjustment of having a new baby as well. Not to say he gets a pass on being a tool, he doesn't, and you're struggling too, but if he can recognize that, maybe he can deal with it.

DH should improve his parenting and do a fair share of settling your DC.

I don’t like or respect men who “can’t” parent.

I put baby down at 8 and then pump before I go to bed. That means there's usually a bottle of milk or two in the fridge for DP to use if I am going out or want to have a lie in! Might be an idea to give yourself a break. Introducing a bottle early was one the best things we did, although I know the advice is not to. It gives so much more freedom. We use Minbie teats as they make DD latch on to them like the breast and they are super slow flow so she has to really work for it!

You’re being unreasonable.

It’s not realistic for a house to be completely silent. A baby needs to learn to sleep through noise.

Besides, people need to be able to live. And to sneeze. It’s not fair on your husband to need to tiptoe through life.

You seem to resent his presence. Perhaps this is just symptomatic of wider relationship difficulties.

EBF babies don’t need to be fed to sleep. It works for some though, I always fed one of my DC to sleep.

As you are the one doing all the settling, and BF to boot, your H is being inconsiderate prioritising his own wishes over your and your DC’s needs.

Also DP has the loudest sneeze in the world and he always sneezes when DD has fallen asleep on the boob. She startles and flies off and then howls every time 🙄😂

I can see that sneezing is unavoidable, though it might be possible to move away from baby while you do it, depending whether it's one of those where you take a few seconds to build up to it or not. It seems completely doable to me not to vacuum in earshot while baby is napping though. Same with keeping your voice down. I as an adult would struggle to stay asleep if people were vacuuming within earshot.

Of course the baby is going to be woken by sudden loud noises, we all are, it's how we are designed for survival.

So for PPs saying rod for your own back etc etc there's a world of difference between consistent background noise and abrupt noises as OP describes if the household is otherwise naturally fairly quiet.

White noise is a great idea OP but yes your DH is being unreasonable.

I'd feed him them hand him over to be settled. He really needs to learn how to settle his own baby.

@PaddyF0dder read my posts properly before being so rude.

OP just as a heads up - you will never, ever win a sleep thread. Theres always someone waiting to tell you that you are doing it wrong.
My DS is a bad sleeper and I became obsessed about his naps. Even now(he is 8 months) they take priority over anything else. If I ever have a 2nd I will have to change strategy. But right now this is what works for us.

I did.

And it wasn’t rude. You’re just being over-sensitive.

Why bother starting the thread OP, you clearly think your DH is at fault and it's your way or no way... 🙄

@Mississippilessly I think you are right, there just some really rude people here. I thought this was a place for support for Mums but clearly I'm wrong.

@PaddyF0dder No you did NOT read my posts correctly as in none of them did I say I wanted silence for my baby to nap. Although to be completely honest with you I don't actually think that would be an unfair request seeing as most people need silence to be able to sleep!! Also yes my DH annoys me when I'm sleep deprived with a cranky overtired baby but if you think that means I have relationship problems then god help your other half!!
🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

I think some posters are forgetting that the baby is four months old. 16 weeks. And yes, I know that some babies sleep through at 6 weeks and for those people it will seem like madness that anyone would be making such a fuss 10 weeks later but for a whole load of people, their babies aren’t sleeping well at this age and that is entirely normal too. OP, honestly, it’s really not too much to ask to have relative quiet for getting a baby to sleep. It’s completely normal in fact. Solidarity. I bet you’re knackered

OP SIDs guidelines (eg Lullaby Trust) say babies under six months should be having ALL sleeps in a room with another person. Not alone in your bedroom in the day.

Get your baby to sleep in your living room with you or in the pram (on a walk or in the hall). Get DH to resettle when he wakes the baby.

Do he sneeze really loud op. My soon to be ex DH used to do that and it drove me mad. Instead of a white or even normal sneeze it was a hugh A A A A TISSUE followed by lots of snorts

I can’t really comprehend a universe where a 4 month old baby sleeps at night