tell me about your lovely teenage son

[beclev24]

I have 3 young DS's and when I read about teenage boys it just seems so horrifying- I hear so many stories of horrible, disrespectful young men who have little to no relationship with their mothers and keep getting into trouble etc, while people describe teenage daughters as their best friends etc. (I'm sure I'm oversensitive to this but have really been hearing it a lot lately plus lots of statistics about teenage boys underachieving in school/ careers etc/ getting into crime etc)

Can anyone tell me lovely things about their teenager or adult sons to cheer me up?

Thank you!!

I also agree that the secret to having well-behaved teenage boys is to spending time with them and paying attention to them throughout their lives. If they feel connected warmly to you and to their family they will mainly stay on track. Nearly all teens do something daft or dangerous at some point. Their brains are wired to take risks and experiment at that age. But overall, if they are loving and communicative, it can all be sorted.

Also, I picked them up on tiny bits of bad behaviour when they were very young. They were never allowed to treat other people dismissively or sneerily. The kind of stuff other parents dismissed as 'just banter' or 'boys being boys' I would point was nasty and not worthy of them. I know some people thought this a bit OTT., but I have had primary school teachers take me aside and say: your sons are the only ones in (a predominantly white) school who show no trace of racism at any time and in secondary, the feedback is always positive. It pays off.

The other thing I think that helps is to steer them towards a few challenges in their teens. They need excitement - again - wired into their brains. If it isn't on offer, they will find it, sometimes in less desirable ways than you'd want. But if you set them up to have jobs or take sport/music etc to a high level, to be really focused on a few things they want from life, they stay on track.

I concur with other posters neither my sons or my nephew have been mega active on social media and that's probably meant they've avoided a lot of drama and upset!

This thread has made me cry, my stepson was awful all the way through his teens - argumentative, used to square up to me (him 6ft 2 and me normal woman sized), punches a hole in the door, called his father a c**t and kept having girls off tinder at the house. He also didn't have the nicest friends so I at times felt there's no hope! (In his defence he had a really hard time with his mother and probably came to live with us too late in the day at age 11, and has now joined the military and is a much more pleasant individual as a result). I have a 4 year old boy who I adore more than I can say and it's a constant fear that I will
lose him in the teenage years. Thank you all for sharing your stories, I needed this!!

My DS is thirteen, growing like a mushroom. Would eat us out of house and home but usually checks he can have something. Has the tidiest room (I also have 2 girls). He is polite & caring. Very quick witted, often has us in stitches. Hard working & conciensous at school, we came out of parents night bursting with pride. He eats, sleeps, breathes football and isn't in best fettle if he loses but I can generally get him back on track with a hot chocolate and a cuddle - that's another important thing, he knows he still needs a hug from mum. He got a message from a girl who was jealous of a girl he was going out with saying why are you going out with her. He sent 7 separate messages - she is kind/ she is funny/she is clever/she respects people/she's sporty, I can't remember the other 2 but I dd kind of have a "My work here is done" moment.

Can any of you mums of fabulous teen sons say why you think your sons have turned out so well? What's the secret?!

Lots of luck. Lots of time together, always eat meals together, take an interest without interfering too much, lots of reminders when young about manners etc., choosing your battles, more luck.

Investing time in them. Spending time with them. Watching what interests them and supporting those interests. Modelling good relationship behaviour as parents.

This thread has also made me well up.
Being a parent isn't always easy.

I have 2 boys, well young men, eldest is 21 in September and the youngest is 18 in September.

For context Dh has his own business, works hard, often out the house 12 hours a day.
I went back to work part time when his brother was almost 5.

Eldest has been in and out of trouble since he was 6 or so, getting worse and worse, stealing money, selling items that were not his,
GP (I pleaded for some sort of assessment, never got one)
At one point self referring to Camhs, they being involved twice over the years.
Police at the door a couple of times, and other various agencies trying to help but there is no funding for anything more, regularly bunking off from school, smoking weed, his room is a health hazard, I don't like going in there.
He didn't pass many exams, I made him go to a youth programme and take math and literacy, which he passed.
He was always cycling about the village we live in, getting into trouble once for wheeling up the High Street, which in turn, had one person (she doesn't know me) in particular having a rant about me, on a local Facebook page, rather than coming and talking to me about her problem.

However he is working, in a job he loves.
We still have issues with money as he spends his wages as soon as he's gets it.
Gets very argumentative when he thinks people are having a go at him for something (he thinks) he hasn't done, but quite obviously has.

He can be very entertaining, doesn't do hugs unless I grab him ( most difficult as he's 6'4') for one.
BUT he always comes for a kiss on the top of his head each morning before he goes to work.

My youngest is very different, intelligent, worked hard at school, passed his exams, doesn't enjoy college, and really has no idea of what he wants to do.
He doesn't drink or smoke, and is at his happiest sitting in his room playing 'games' with friends he went to school with, remotely, on his computer/PS4.
He is also made to give me a hug and a kiss on the top of his head when he goes out, which isn't often as he is quite shy and gets anxious having to meet and talk to people.

That's quite an essay, I could go on but won't bore you any more..

When the youngest was almost five that should say....

My 15 year old is an absolute delight, they aren’t all bad xx

My 19 year old is the best company. He's at University, has a lovely girlfriend and a part time job,. It wasn't always that way, he was terribly bullied through a lot of school, and he could be very withdrawn and grumpy. I seriously worried for his future at a few points.

The 17 year old is still a bit grumpy ocassionally, but get him in the right mood and he's very funny. I am currently taking him out for driving practice which is terrifying and hilarious in equal measures.

I am there for them but not suffocating. DS1 shares more than DS2 does.

My brother is 17 and he is an absolute delight. He has amazing interior design taste, his bedroom is like a beautiful feng shui garden 😂 He is funny and kind, buys amazing gifts, we have great discussions about politics and social issues. He works immensely hard at school and had two jobs. Bloody love him! ❤️

Mine are 22&24

I have never, ever had an argument with DS1. He's the most calm, laid back person on the earth. He said to me once "I'm going for a run, mum, because if I don't I think we might row and I don't want that." He's kind, caring, a wonderful friend to DS2, has a cracking sense of humour. He's in the army so not home very often but he never, ever finishes a phone call without saying he loves me, and DH, and when he leaves the house he wraps his huge muscly arms round me in a big bear hug.

DS2 is a gentle giant. He's been my shadow since he was tiny. He has always had a caring nature, he's incredibly empathetic, if someone was feeling poorly he knew. I'm disabled and from the age of about 10 he instinctively knew what I needed. When he was about 5 he said he wanted to be a nurse and he's achieved that and is absolutely brilliant at it.

Neither of them have ever brought trouble to the door. We spent a lot of time with them as children and teenagers and we still do when they are at home. Family life is important to us, however I think a lot of it is down to luck.

I'm only a quarter of the way through this thread, I can't read any more, I'm so jealous.

I'm currently seeing 200 of them through GCSEs. Even at this tough time they are polite and smiling.
My own DS is 17. We've had some real ups and downs. But over the last 6 months my gorgeous boy has reappeared.
I know that although at home he has been a pain, in school and public he has always been well mannered and helpful.
He works, volunteers and has plans to go to Uni.
It's been worth the slog.
Now, we won't mention my teen DDs...

I have a lovely 14yo, sweet, kind, very funny and really emotionally intelligent.

Totally outing but never mind. Here's my teenager, I couldn't be prouder

www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-48269031/stevenage-pupil-taking-gcses-using-eye-movement

Wow @TommyandGina He really is someone to be so proud of! Good luck to him! What a beautiful smile, too.

@TommyandGina what a superstar - he looks wonderful and you are right to be proud!

Mine isn't a teen yet so time will tell. My eldest nephew is 19 and I and my sister can honestly say they were blessed. He is the kindest, most patient, considerate, loveliest young man you could wish to meet. He has a younger brother and sister and their dad died a few years ago, and he has took it all in his stride and is a brilliant big brother and has helped my sister to no end. He's always worked, never in trouble and not a big drinker (bit of a gym freak). So far out none of 5 nephews are any trouble.

My nieces on the other hand..........

@TommyandGina that's fantastic, he's wonderful - you are right to be proud!

@StillMissV - don't worry, my brother is and was a total arsehole but all the other lads in the family turned out fine and mine couldn't be more different. It's easy to worry that patterns will repeat but every kid is an individual, and I think knowing the pitfalls helps us do a better job.

@TommyandGina what an inspirational young man, you must be incredibly proud.

My DS19 is fabulous - my gig companion and makes me laugh lots. So kind and thoughtful - put my favourite music video onto DVD as a pressie - in Uni now and I miss him terribly but looking forward to summer (and seeing Foo Fighters together!)

Mine is twenty now, but he is lovely, and we have even watched Fleabag together over the Easter hols.

Treat them like your children, not an alien species. Listen, love, guide, reprimand and forgive.

I see several comments about the unpleasant macho behaviour of teenage boys, but it doesn’t seem to have occurred to some of you that they are under pressure to behave like that from peers. They need encouragement and support from us parents to help them resist that pressure.

I don't have boys but when I was pg and when my 2 DD's were little, teenage boys were always the best at giving up their seat/holding doors/helping me with a prom up steps, etc.

There's also a 16yo lad who lives opposite us. He good naturedly puts up with my 5 & 7yo girls chatting to him and last weekend I came into the street and found him being a very patient 'customer' at the girls mud restaurant!