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Welcome to the Advice Clinic - Please come in

999 replies

pineapplebryanbrown · 12/05/2019 00:18

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions? My team of unqualified but experienced Agony Aunts and myself have a 100% success rate. We're very friendly and never judgemental. Even if you're riddled with the clap.

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TopiaryTartWithATractor · 18/05/2019 10:02

I can't drink red wine, it's the hangovers, even a couple of small glasses

DanglyTassles · 18/05/2019 10:04

Normally I would find that story hilarious thigh, but this morning it made me feel sick.

I've had the rehydrating shizz and a ham and lettuce sandwich and crisps which remains to be seen if that was a good idea or not.

If anything makes a re-appearance I'll be cross now I've made the effort to assemble and consume it.

pineapplebryanbrown · 18/05/2019 10:04

I have a theory that the human body will take x amount of drinks through it's lifetime then simply refuse. We just all reach x amount at different ages. You don't see many elderly people on the lash.

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TopiaryTartWithATractor · 18/05/2019 10:08

Auntie Maureen has one sherry and she may as well have had a bottle of red. She's much more fun after her sherry but I don't think the oldies can handle more than one.

RagnBoneManFucker · 18/05/2019 10:21

I think I'm hungover after just reading that story thigh. Why don't I have friends like that?!

My Aunty Margaret could've taken your Aunty Maureen under her wing Tope (hope you don't mind the nickname). Breakfast was lager, brunch was wine, rest of the day was whisky.

pineapplebryanbrown · 18/05/2019 10:22

I have the same theory with shags, I've done my bit and won't be doing any further shagging.

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TopiaryTartWithATractor · 18/05/2019 10:24

Never really understood the appeal of shagging

pineapplebryanbrown · 18/05/2019 10:25

The most beautiful man I've ever seen is my bin man, he's glorious ditto my friend's rat catcher. However, you know where their hands have been.

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pineapplebryanbrown · 18/05/2019 10:26

TT it's just something to do when you're pissed I think.

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nakedscientist · 18/05/2019 10:26

Oh I dunno, I've just gad a nice one!

nakedscientist · 18/05/2019 10:28

*had

pineapplebryanbrown · 18/05/2019 10:33

Naked how is that possible when I'm not there and you're my bride? Slut.

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TopiaryTartWithATractor · 18/05/2019 10:35

Oh dear, sounds like you two need some help from Jeremy Kyle...

ProjectGainsborough · 18/05/2019 10:38

Fight! Fight! Fight!

RagnBoneManFucker · 18/05/2019 10:45

Your shag theory may well be right thigh. I'd like to be in a position to know for sure though.

Naked I think you'd better bring on the ZA quick.

RagnBoneManFucker · 18/05/2019 10:53

Some potential recruits on this thread

Welcome to the Advice Clinic - Please come in
pineapplebryanbrown · 18/05/2019 11:07

Been to the assassin thread - I think we should do a take over move and show them how it's done.

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CarolinePooter · 18/05/2019 11:13

My anecdote is quite a sweet one. Many years ago we had some lovely friends. Hubby was a decent chap but always grafting. His big passion was serial house renovation. They lived in a series of derelict houses which they did up and sold on. His poor wife would get to enjoy her lovely new house for a few months before it was put on the market, then it was back to living in a caravan. She would have loved kids but it was not in the plan as far as he was concerned, so they could never agree.

After a year or so, they seemed to have settled for good, and she was delighted. Unfortunately, an "unmissable" project turned up, so she packed up her house yet again. They froze through another caravan winter.

The new place was lovely but very isolated, and very few people called. One such was the scrap metal man, who came for all the lead that was being stripped out, and used to have a cup of tea and a chat.

I must say here that scrap metal man did not look like Steptoe Junior (who I agree was rather good looking). He was well into middle age and had no teeth

After a few months of tea and chatting, our friend ran away with the scrap man. They subsequently had twins!

CarolinePooter · 18/05/2019 11:15

Well he may have had one or two teeth. But the effect was not sexy.

TheLoneWolfDies · 18/05/2019 11:43

My nanas 90 and goes on the lash on a regular basis ill have you know!

nakedscientist · 18/05/2019 12:08

Oh thigh you have nothing to fear, shag was with a fuckboy who them brought me breakfast in bed.

I am feeling my inner thigh

ProjectGainsborough · 18/05/2019 12:19

That is a lovely story Poot.

I’ve got the Horrors. Why are there so many people outside? WIBU to walk around flapping my hands in front of my face to ward them off?

CarolinePooter · 18/05/2019 13:05

project are they in Zombie training? Be careful.

RagnBoneManFucker · 18/05/2019 14:33

Ah Pooter that's a lovely story. Is there a big reveal where you tell us you are the woman (or perhaps the man) in question?!

What are you doing outside Project? Get safety back indoors at once. Or if you can't do that, just put your slanket over your head.

pineapplebryanbrown · 18/05/2019 15:38

Proj ah, you're in the fear stage. Duct tape over the keyhole is your friend here lest people peep in at you and stare.

Poot I'm with your friend here. I divorced at least one of my husbands over DIY - it's a hanging offence.

Can someone do a link on the assassins thread to here please. There's one there called Bastard who's one of us.

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