Welcome to the Advice Clinic - Please come in

[pineapplebryanbrown]

Do you have problems? Would you like to hear solutions? My team of unqualified but experienced Agony Aunts and myself have a 100% success rate. We're very friendly and never judgemental. Even if you're riddled with the clap.

Burn the one you don't want to go to down small.

Welcome world. Did you do something so mortifyingly embarrassing there that you can never go back? Or was it just not a nice place?

Aarggghhh. Posted pix of "Forin'" now gone. Fuckboy Gary speck in the distance. Decided to stay here for a bit. Am now Queen with many Fuckboys (note their tributes of bundles of plastic sheeting) and have been gifted adoring Panther. Take that, BastardCat. I will post another pic, when I can be arsed.

Looks like a right shit hole Cat

All very well Cat, but have you having chips and a wank?

I can see why you want rescuing. Suddenly, I'm feeling a bit more like it might be possible to crawl out from under my slanket and come and find you. That picture should narrow the search down. I'm on my way!

thislido - a very bad place doesn't do it justice. I refer to it as the hell building. It fucked me mentally.

In that case burning seems the best option.

We do offer surgery ourselves, albeit mainly to enemies. What is it you need doing?

Also, possibly a very stupid question, but can you just ask for one of the other hospitals?

Kidney surgery. At this point, I will let anyone do it as long as it's not back there.

I don't know if I can ask for another hospital or how.

Fire is very promising, but mine would the first door knocked on during investigations and knowing my luck I wouldn't have an alibi.

Is your consultant OK, or is he part of the problem? If he's OK, maybe he does sessions at other hospitals too, and you could request seeing him elsewhere? Sorry small , it sounds pretty traumatic.

You can definitely ask. Perhaps start with your GP?

In any event, you could phone the consultant's secretary and ask if there is any procedure for being transferred elsewhere for treatment. She would be able to quote chapter and verse.

If you do have to burn it down we can be your alibis.

You were at the theatre with me and several elderly ladies. We will all swear blind you never even nipped out to the loo.

noway can shin up a phone mast and lay a false digital trail, proving beyond doubt that you have an alibi.

Elderly ladies and a kidney problem. Maybe more convincing to say we went to loos together. Terrible queues.

lido can coordinate your next surgery, and we will all send flowers. (Because of NO VISITING)

Thank you for your help. I will be phoning the secretary tomorrow. My biggest fear is getting fobbed off (well aside from going back to hell) so trying to arm myself with as much info as possible.

If I get nowhere this week, then a trip to a theatre sounds wonderful. Haven't been for years and coincidentally it was with a bunch of old people.

Ooh the false digital trail also sounds promising.

world so sort to hear of your plight!

The horrid hospital must be destroyed and don't panic about alibi we are having a Zombie Apocalypse very soon so we'll all be living in ASDA.

I send you snax as a gift in the meantime!

Start with the secretary and see how you get on. Come back and let us know because if that doesn’t work we can think of something else.

In fact why not stay in Thighland?

Must it be Asda? I hate Asda.

Well it doesn't really matter this just pick one of the Big Four and we'll be guaranteed survival plus additional snax! I reckon there's room for choice! It's not like we'll be beggars or anything after the ZA.

Where would you like to convene?

I only said ASDA because it's the closest one to me and I may need to get there quickly! We could go to a Waitrose warehouse, that would be best, just don't know where that is. Not Tesco though, they're shit.

Don't actually burn the hospital down will you Small ?? It's not appropriate and we are not appropriate, if it's a real problem maybe ask some more appropriate people.