Bloody school absence process....does the Equality Act not apply??!

[Toodependants]

School have contacted me because child1 has had 9 days off sick this academic year. Not acceptable; she will be put on report (whatever that mean) and I will be fined/imprisoned etc

I have contacted them for the gazillionth time to tell them that her absence is due to very heavy, very painful periods. She is on Mefenamic Acid AND Tranexamic Acid for the pain and for the bleeding. It's the same drugs that I was on for endometriosis and adenomyosis and I was covered by disability law at work. Absence due to this was not counted as sickness. Doesn't that apply to kids??? Any legal people know the answer?? I'm so fed up with having this bloody conversation with them. It's like ground hog day

@havingtochangeusernameagain what I meant was assuming that the OP's daughter doesn't have any contraindications, like focal migraine or a past history of blood clots.

'The Dr explained multiple reasons why they don’t like to give girls her age on the pill (she was 13 at the time)' not a problem to put a 13 year old on the pill if they need it.

Can we please stay on topic.

there would very possibly be no legal issue if the girl wasn't being denied a safe and effective treatment for her periods.

I am not putting her mental health at risk for that level of absence

Have you though about how the status quo will affect her mental health?

How will she feel when all her classmates know when she has her period? (because they will figure it out if she's missing school every month)
How will she feel when she's constantly worried she might flood?
Missing out on activities or school trips?
Wondering what is wrong with her because none of her friends have the same issues?

Have you asked her (without trying to freak her out) if she wants to try the pill?

Have you read the side effects of Mefenamic Acid AND Tranexamic Acid ? Or is it just the pill you're against? A quick google and the first result says:
Mefenamic acid can increase your risk of fatal heart attack or stroke, especially if you use it long term or take high doses,
Mefenamic acid may also cause stomach or intestinal bleeding, which can be fatal. These conditions can occur without warning while you are using mefenamic acid, especially in older adults.
Mefenamic acid is not approved for use by anyone younger than 14 years old.

OP I am so fucking cross on your DDs behalf. As if this is still even an issue

This was me, 16 years ago. I lived with my single Dad. I would also have the runs and would vomit from pain. It was absolutely grim. We also refused contraception due to the fact that I was already on mood stabilisers due to PTSD.

One morning I’d had enough and told my Dad to drive me down there. On the way down I flooded all over my pyjamas. I was grey in the face. I walked into the HTs office, dumped all my meds in front of her, ranted at her and puked on her desk.

Never had any issues after that.... I wouldn’t do anything like that now but I was very mentally unwell at the time.

@SpinningDizzy I really wouldn't bother any more! Some people are irrationally afraid of hormones and there is no persuading them.

Yes, I know that fear redstapler. Ultimately the only reason I started taking them was because there was a (in my mind, very unlikely) chance it would benefit my children. But enough of that. Sorry OP, PP is right, its not what your thread is about.

What would happen if you went out of your way to be polite and over-zealous in recognising her absences to the school? Set up a meeting with whoever is the truancy officer or whatever they call it these days. Go armed with medication, previous school attendance record, grades, dates of doctors appointments, show how she's trying to catch up or not fall behind etc etc. Send emails, make phone calls and make a nuisance of yourself every time she is off school.

redstapler
Op’s Only interest is in pushing her agenda regarding the completely irrelevant equalities act! Using her daughter’s plight as a chance to espouse a warped feminist view.

The child is suffering from a known and documented problem of which a covering letter from her Gp should suffice with out all of the drama spouting the Equalities Act.

afterlaughter

Are you well now? Was there an underlying cause for bad period symptom

Looks like the school have dug themselves into a hole here along with a lack of communication between staff.

Male head? Or a female head who had a child and then went back to work that afternoon?

The trouble with school statistics is that many will quote them calculate then but few understand them.

The statistics year works from September. 5 days off in September is approx 75% attendance. This rings alarm bells. 5 days off over the year is approx 97.5% attendance.

Schools don’t, but should, have to follow all aspects of workers rights The logic being they are pupils not workers! You can get caught in grey areas of misunderstanding.

You may need to ask for a meeting with the head be calm but forceful. Ask for explanations of why going on report etc.

State examples when you thought it was all sorted out but events showed it wasn’t.

“What would you do if it was your daughter” etc. “What would you do if it was you?”

With your daughter going on report others will ask why etc. It’ll come out in a way she probably doesn’t want it to. Go down mental health route/school refuser.

Take a note book into meetings and write things down. Ask for clarifications, make the meeting go at your speed.

Dress smart.

Be in charge.

No joy there? Then go to governors.

I think you need to stop relying on "Google gives me accurate information" when referring to medical issues.

Yes the pill can have contraindications. However, that could be less trauma than the monthly issues, resulting anaemia and stress caused to your daughter.

Many many people go on the pill with no side effects at all, and if the periods are as bad as they sound, I'd be doing anything to make that better for my daughter. If it affects her MH, they stop. But surely it's worth a try?

I had dianette from 16 for my awful skin and tbh any negative effect from them was totally drowned out by the utter relief of not having acne so badly.

Don't dismiss things that you don't like, just because you don't like them. Be open minded, for your DDs sake.

As for school, it's just a process they have to go through, and are obliged to do so. It's nothing personal....or it won't be if you don't act like "one of those parents". Take her meds along. Talk to them rationally. They'll understand. We deal with period issues daily at schools. I know which girls need to sit near to an exit and just give me a nod if they need to get to the loo NOW. Doesn't bother me one iota as a teacher. However, if my daughter was suffering so much I'd be jumping up and down to get help fro the GP via whatever means I could.

I suffered bad painful periods when I was younger. I too took mefanic acid. But in the end it didn't help and I had to go on the pill at around age 13. I'm 43 now and am still on a pill called cerazette and I haven't had a drop of blood since being on it about 13 years ago. I have no cycle due to the absence of menstruation. If things don't improve your daughter should go on the pill as you don't know it could affect her mental health etc or have any other side effects until she has at least tried it. It won't be doing her mental health and well being much good anyway having to deal with heavy/painful periods,school etc as it is. This isn't about your beliefs it's about the health and well being of your daughter. I'm sure she'd give anything ago if they are that bad,poor girl.

I had the same problem at her age and probably would have ended up doing something very silly had I not got the pill. It got to the point where I was terrified every month and would go into shutdown.

It's really sad for your daughter that you won't help her because of a small chance that it won't suit her. The pill saved my education. I can still remember the burning shame of being curled up in pain at school and having to explain why.
I understand that the pill affects MH for some people. But please don't project your issues onto your daughter.

That is all hyperbole. My daughter is happy and sociable. Your experiences do not describe my daughter's. She isn't burning with embarrassment, shunned by her friends, she has no depression or anxiety. She is enthusiastic about school, hobbies, sport, friendships. She suffers pain and heavy bleeding which is limited to 1 day, by the medication that she takes. With adjustments that should be reduced to zero days.

If any of your awful experiences of being denied hormone treatment, applied to my daughter then I would reconsider her treatment. But it doesn't. She is happy, I am happy. School is trying to punish her for absences 3% below their acceptable level

She isn't happy when she's in pain, is she? Pain that you could potentially stop for her.

imtherealhfella you understand that Google is a search engine don't you, and not just a single source of information?

Are people deliberatey ignoring comments from the OP likes this She suffers pain and heavy bleeding which is limited to 1 day, by the medication that she takes. With adjustments that should be reduced to zero days. ?

This is just the latest but is is quite clear that she isn't doing nothing and that the current medication should do the job without the need to go on the pill.

Unless you have suffered from symptoms like this, it is really really difficult to understand. I didn't have the pain so much but the flooding was so beyond any normal 'heavy' period. I have carried on working through it but I sometimes don't know how. It is horrific.

Definitely get her taking the tablets 2-3 days early. That's the only way it ever did anything for me. I found the combined pill horrendous but a progesterone only supplement helped and didn't give me any of the same side effects. Made me a bit nauseous but that was it. Might not be right for now but something for her to investigate when she moves out of puberty and in to a more stable hormone state.

I also found that a combination of evening primrose oil, agnus cactus, zinc and a mega dose of the B vits massivlye helped me. Might be worth looking in to.

I suffered from painful periods when i was in school and i wish my mum was as good an advocate as you are being to your daughter.

I was put on the pill from age 16 until i was married and came off at 27, all this did for me was hide the symptoms of endometriosis and when i finally came to try for children i was unable to and diagnosed with stage 4 endo. Ended up having a hysterectomy at 29.

I fully think you are being correct in the care of your daughter. Some people who have not suffered with painful periods/endometriosis etc do not understand how debilitating it is.

Hopefully it will get better and the school will dismiss this.

Get medical evidence from your GP and the school can authorise her absence.
It is common enough.
Your GP not having done it before just means s/he is not very experienced.

My gp doesn't provide medical evidence to schools.

Our G was similarly unkeen to offer the pill to DD until she was a bit older than yours. DD was quite looking forward to trying it.

Unfortunately, rather than making her periods lighter or stopping them, it gave her one long continuous bleed for week after week after week, even after she'd stopped taking it. So, back to the ibuprofen and an average day off every two months (she's been lucky with the timings, especially during the sodding GCSEs, only one of which was badly affected).

Biology can be a bugger.

I was similar as a teen. I made it into school but ended up sat in the medical room with a hot water bottle every month. I was on mef acid too. Eventually as an older teen I went on the Pill. I spent my first year of university crying myself to sleep and hoping I wouldn't wake up in the morning. I almost dropped out if uni. I then had to stop the Pill as I kept getting headaches. The suicidal thoughts disappeared almost instantly. It was like a black cloud lifted. I continued with my course, and finished second in the year in my degree and had a ball through the rest of uni. I managed my periods with painkillers. I fully understand where the OP is coming from.

9 days is ridiculously few to be threatening you with court action - parents who are charged in this way have kids who are absent for much, much longer periods, or have repeated long bouts of absence (or have gone on authorised holidays).

My DD’s probably at about 40% attendance due to serious illness, and luckily her school are very supportive (they’ve never even asked for written proof, although I have offered it) however, I know parents who have less supportive schools and they’ve found their local Parent Partnership (now rebranded as IASS) to be very helpful.

IASS work alongside Educational Welfare officers as advocates for parents - they can attend school meetings with you on request, and offer free legal advice.

Their official remit is SEND, but they can also advise on other health stuff, and support parents whose children are struggling with school but have no SEN diagnosis:
councilfordisabledchildren.org.uk/information-advice-and-support-services-network/frequently-asked-questions/parents

Hopefully a letter from your GP will be all you need, but if the school refuses to accept the letter, contact your local IASS.

I have been in touch with lots of parents with disabled children who have been fined when it went to court. The entire system sides with the school so beware. It needs nipping in the bud as early as possible.

The school won't contact your GP for medical evidence, they will just pass this onto an EWO. My EWO was a nightmare and made things much worse.

The school will stop the process as soon as you give them a letter from the GP explaining how her condition effects school attendance. My GP let me dictate his letter!

If you do nothing thing will only get worse.

The contraceptive pill does not cause mental health disorders, or there would be a pandemic