Bloody school absence process....does the Equality Act not apply??!

[Toodependants]

School have contacted me because child1 has had 9 days off sick this academic year. Not acceptable; she will be put on report (whatever that mean) and I will be fined/imprisoned etc

I have contacted them for the gazillionth time to tell them that her absence is due to very heavy, very painful periods. She is on Mefenamic Acid AND Tranexamic Acid for the pain and for the bleeding. It's the same drugs that I was on for endometriosis and adenomyosis and I was covered by disability law at work. Absence due to this was not counted as sickness. Doesn't that apply to kids??? Any legal people know the answer?? I'm so fed up with having this bloody conversation with them. It's like ground hog day

Your poor daughter, I really sympathise OP.
I would also be very cautious about giving the pill now that so much evidence has started to come out linked to MH side effects. Between the mirena coil and the pill I think I have lost years of my life to these hormonal treatments. I'm surprised people are giving you grief for that decision OP, there's no right or wrong answer here and you're obviously doing your best. X

ineverdidmind TBF, the GP we saw last time (usual one was off) gave me grief for not letting her take the pill. Denied there was any evidence of mental health effects. She was quite young. I think she genuinely believed that; because UK doesn't collect relevant data. In other European countries strong correlation between the pill and suicidal ideation, the pill and medication for depression/anxiety. It's hard to do research ....you can't give a control group a placebo, can you?! 😁

I took the pill from age 15 to about 30, I think. Certainly detrimental to my MH and lots of women that I know. Although of course, unproven

OP, maybe you should seek a second opinion from a different GP with regards to sending her to a specialist. Considering how severe your daughter's periods are they should at least have a look to see if it's nothing more serious than just first few years of heaving bleeding. I hope it is not, but I think it would be prudent to at least look.

I can understand your misgivings about the pill. The side-effects were horrendous for me too and I quit taking them. I eventually discovered that my aneamia was giving me such heavy bleedings and getting that under control reduced the bleeding significantly. They are still quite heavy, but far more manageable than they used to be.

BTW, how does your daughter feel about the idea of taking the pill?

Period pants as a back up? I've just began flooding I intend on giving them a go on top of everything else next month (Amazon delivered too late for this month) I'm no good on the pill makes me feel I'm going fucking nuts so I understand your reluctance

I don’t think it’s anything to do with the Equality act, it’s simply that she is genuinely unwell and unable to attend school, no different if the symptoms were a migraine each month.

Provide evidence from your doctor as to her being unwell at those times and that should clear the matter up.

What evidence though 'firemanking*? We don't go to the GP everyone DD has her period....GPs had no idea what they were expected to provide as 'evidence'. They aren't asked for evidence other than sick notes when someone is off work for more than a week. I have left permission for them to share information with school of they contact them. It's hard enough getting GP contact when you are sick, let alone chasing them to write weirdly letters to verify I am not lying

They know she takes medication, because at least 1 day every month, I get a phone call from a school first aider to ask if they can give DD paracetamol on top of her usual medication.

Captskippy 2 GPs have tolde that there is almost zero chance of a 12 year old having endometriosis or cysts. Investigation is a general anaesthetic and exploratory laparoscopy. I'm not pushing for that, at this stage. If it persists then GP has said will reconsider referral. But is not unusual for first years of menstruation

*everyTIME

Nothing useful to add except that you are being a fabulous advocate as well as a lovely Mum, and that this too will pass eventually.

The school are being pillocks, and hormonal medication is far more complex and subtle than many are prepared to acknowledge due to its evident convenience. You are not wrong.

Bon courage.

@shitpark you must be one of the lucky ones that has mild periods.
I need at least two days of every month, due to the pain, which is horrendous, and the amount of blood (think flooding after an hour with super + tampons and a towel).
And yes, all investigations are normal.
Some of us are really unlucky when it comes to periods.

So you don't want the pill OR to look at other exploratory options....what do you want? Your DD is suffering hugely here and that's partly down to you.

My mum refused to let me have the pill for awful periods. I resent her to this day for that. Especially at school when it was mortifying everyone knew what was happening.

When I was able to go on it myself it's was a life changer for me.

I get that the school should make reasonable adjustments. But missing so much school every month is hugely damaging. You should also be doing everything possible to get to the bottom of this and help her manage it.

My Dd has agonising periods. She has tried mefenamic acid and tranexamic acid. They did nothing for her. She has now tried 6 lots of pills that haven't suited her. She hasn't missed any school. She takes painkillers throughout the day.

Your daughter cannot keep missing that amount of school especially with exams ahead. I would go back to the GP.

There's a lot about what you feel and not much about what your daughter feels. At 13 she would likely be deemed the modern equivalent of gillick competent and not need your permission for treatment.

I can't quite believe you haven't tried tracking her cycle before tbh. And she is of an age where you won't be able to decide whether or not she goes on the pill. It does seem mad not to at least try.

Just wanted to add to Galzeda that I to used to take Mefanamic Acid and used to take it day or two before my period. Usually other signs like upset stomach etc that helped me know it was on the way and it worked well. Less heavy periods plus much more manageable pain levels. It used to make me miss school to at first. The pain was unbearable, I wanted to climb the walls plus usually overheating, feeling sick, upset stomach then to cold. It felt like someone was scraping my insides out when I had a period. (Sorry if TMI)

What painkillers does she take op?

Have tried a mooncup + towel?

Also an endo sufferer who had awful painful periods from day one who would urge you to reconsider the pill. Mefenamic acid did nothing for me, but went on the pill at 17 and wished I'd none it years earlier!

@MockerstheFeManist schools do not receive the money from a fine.

Op - from a school's POV I'd be concerned if it was the 3rd year with the same issue. It sounds awful for your dd to have 3 years of this and the school are probably wondering what else can be done to support her.

Totally support you OP and agree you are a great advocate. I had similar issues and am surprised to hear that the GP says zero chance of endo or cysts. I had both of these and definitely at aged 12 as I had a dermoid cyst removed aged 19 that the surgeon said would have been present (to a smaller extent) as a child. It caused me huge pain and he also commented on how sever my endo was and he had cauterized lots of it - again this would have been effective (and worsening with each period) since the beginning of menstruation.
I also find the attendance reward schemes ridiculous and discriminatory despite my own children being lucky enough not to be ill during term time and receiving one themselves. What about children predisposed to illness through disability?
I hope your DD school can learn some lessons from this and their approach to female health.

Thank you doesthatmakesense for the support. We need to hear words like that at times like these, don't we ❤️

And qwerty too ❤️

I have endometriosis and I can't take any hormonal contraception due to the affect on my mental health. I too have lost years to both endo and the mental health issues caused by the pill and coil.

Have you looked at the endo diet to help ease symptoms? Might be worth a shot seen as though there are few options available to you at this time. Change of diet could go well with the medication she is on.

Poor love, I do feel for her.

OP you need to visit the GP and request a letter explaining the situation - you might need to pay for this.

I have a child with ASD and hypermobility and I still needed to provide a GP letter to stop the threats of fines. I went through hell with school and the EWO until I provided them with this letter. Even worse, they didn't request it, I was advised by other parents to take this course of action.

Well, school can contact the GP and request/pay for a letter, if that is what they need

I'm not doing any more. It's only bloody 7 days in a full school year. Quite prepared to go to court with this, this morning. School REALLY should take conversation with parent as 'proof' for this level of absence. It is 3% below required level of attendance. Why the hell would I invent period problems, so my DD can take what, a day off every 2 months?!

If they looked back at her attendance BEFORE her period started.....I think she had 2 days off, in all of primary school. She bloody loves school. They know she is an enthusiastic student, with no behaviour points ever