Need to pull myself together for the children

[Simonfromharlow]

My husband left me 10 days ago. I feel so down. I'm being a shit mum to my kids as I can't pull myself together. This is so hard. I don't know how to cope.

How’s your day been Simon?

Bit up and down but mainly ok. I have been quite tearful but have been keeping myself busy with a blanket I've been making for my sisters baby.

We're going out with my friend tomorrow so have been looking forward to that.

Thank you for asking

Had one of those really vivid dreams you think is real last night. In the dream he was still here and all was normal and lovely. When I woke up to the empty bed I just had this really horrible feeling that I'm alone now.

Luckily not long after my boys ran in and gave me lovely cuddles. This new life is taking some getting used to I can tell you.

Sometimes those waking minutes are confusing. But the stop before long. You’re just adjusting to your new normal.

Your new normal being a life with you and your children. That can be quite lovely. 😊

Right I've done something silly.

He posted an Instagram post and and out of habit I looked at the people who'd liked it. A woman from his office was on the likes. Looked back at past pics. She's never liked one before. I'm starting to think I was wrong and there was OW or one waiting in the wings. Would explain a lot.

I've now deleted him from my Instagram and all social media.

Good call...
You don't need the upset of him posts.
Your doing so well, each day is a victory....
What about planning something for May day.... There should be lots going on, then the kids have a treat in a few days

They will be with him next weekend. I have stuff planned with my friends!

That way madness lies.

Disengage and delete.

Well done for disengaging on social media - it's great advice usually given but never seen through.
❤️❤️❤️

Thinking there might be another woman weirdly makes me feel better. Not sure why.

Because if there’s another woman then he is blown wide open as the shit he is? All blame on him? It seems as though there almost always is third party, might be as well to adjust to the idea.

You are not being a shit Mum, you are being an amazing Mum making sure your kids needs are met whilst your husband does FA. Your husband is being a shit Dad and a shit man. You are not.

Yes @EffYouSeeKaye I think that's it. Then I don't feel like people are wondering what I did to make him leave.

@Foxmuffin thank you!! I'm feeling a little stronger every day!

He really is being a shit dad. His kids are all over the place because of him. He thinks because they aren't snivelling at his feet that they are ok and this makes me angry.

They really won’t be wondering what you’ve done to make him leave. Far more likely they will be wondering who the OW is. It’s all too familiar a story, sadly.

Yes you're probably right!

Feeling totally blah today. I think because I've had to talk to him about the arrangements for the kids at the weekend.

I hate when I have to be in contact with him. It messes with my head. I start having all these feelings that I want him back and thinking he's going to ask. I wish I could flick a switch and turn my feelings off.

I still hate engaging with my XH. Not because I have feelings, just because he’s a twat.

Keep it business like. A professional arrangement.

If you are struggling maybe get a cheap phone just for him and delete him from your usual one. A phone you can keep in a drawer, in case you are tempted to message him (particularly if you have had a wine or three).

I've not been tempted to message him luckily. All contact has been initiated by him. He wants to meet up to talk about money and stuff and I really don't want to. He's being too friendly. And I can't deal with it.

He said he wants to stay friends so is all friendly and jovial when he contacts me but I'm not sure how he expects me to want to be his friend currently. It's all just a total head fuck.

Have i mentioned how I am really really hating this situation haha

God what a didkhead. Where do they get off thinking they can act this way

I imagine your XH is very much in the ‘grass is greener’ phase.

I take no pleasure* in that the harsh reality that he is now a single man in mid-late ‘50s, who was left by much younger OW and now lives in a ‘bachelor pad’ too small for his DCs to stay in, and they don’t actually want to anyway. They do so out of pity. It’s very sad.

(*That’s a lie).

Oh he's definitely in and enjoying the grass is greener phase. He's free to do what he wants and left all the shit parts of being a parent to me while he gets to do all the fun stuff.