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Original poster

Need to pull myself together for the children

676 replies

Simonfromharlow · 20/04/2019 13:55

My husband left me 10 days ago. I feel so down. I'm being a shit mum to my kids as I can't pull myself together. This is so hard. I don't know how to cope.

OP posts:
Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 25/04/2019 18:28

Yes. He earned quite a lot of money so never had to worry. I've applied for 3 jobs. I think I'm putting too high expectations on my self!

OP posts:
Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 25/04/2019 18:32

If nothing else comes from
This experience I will make sure all my friends relatives daughters in law etc never put themselves in the vulnerable position if not working

OP posts:
Cheekyfeckery · 25/04/2019 18:33

Have you seen a solicitor?

Cheekyfeckery · 25/04/2019 18:35

once you have maintenance and tax credits in place you may be ok. Tax credits don’t take maintenance into account for their calculations.

worriedandannoyed · 25/04/2019 18:38

I'm so glad things are on the up. 4 months down the line I still have bad days but on the whole I'm content with my new life with my children.

What helped me was changing things indoors, moving furniture round, new cushions for the sofa and some new routines for me and the children. I took them on holiday on my own a few weeks ago, anything is possible!

Fingers crossed for a new job for you too, but in the meantime I hope he still pays for the household bills.

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 25/04/2019 19:02

He is still paying for everything at the moment as he was made redundant just before he left so we won't make any concrete plans re maintenance until he has a new job: I have a decent sized sum of cash and have applied for UC so won't starve but I would be much happier when I have a job and have learnt to drive!

OP posts:
TowandaForever · 25/04/2019 19:38

I was in no fit shape to apply for work so you are doing so well !

You should be so proud of your strength!

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 25/04/2019 20:06

Thank you. People keep telling me but I don't believe it haha

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worriedandannoyed · 25/04/2019 21:30

When I'd only been separated a few weeks I was literally just existing. Getting the kids to school, keeping them fed. On my days off I'd go back to bed, every time he had our children I'd go back to bed. You are so strong, you will get through this 😀

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 26/04/2019 20:01

Had my universal credit meeting today. All went well. Another step to being independent!

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Cheekyfeckery · 26/04/2019 20:50

Have you got your council tax benefits sorted?

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 26/04/2019 22:04

Got a letter about that today so will sort that ASAP

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Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 27/04/2019 09:23

Got nothing on today so got to try and keep myself busy. When I'm not busy the negative thoughts and worries start creeping in.

Had a really busy day yesterday and felt great.

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Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 27/04/2019 09:23

Struggling to get out of bed

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Cheekyfeckery · 27/04/2019 09:25

That’s ok. These days happen. You have to let them.

Are the children with you today? Might be a day for films snuggled under a blanket. If the weather is anything like it is here. Shit.

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 27/04/2019 09:31

Yes I have them. I think blanket day sounds good. Yes rain here too!!

I

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mummmy2017 · 27/04/2019 09:51

PJ days are fun..
Bake cakes, make pizza or order in for tea.
No one gets dressed..
We have them all the time.. My MIL said her best day every was when she looked at the clock and it was late evening, no one had got dressed, so they got fish n chips .

Cheekyfeckery · 27/04/2019 10:27

Picnic in front of the TV.
Play games.

What’s important is that you actively do nothing. That’s what makes a PJ day worthwhile. You must be with them. Don’t do the washing, tidying etc. All that stuff will give you something to do tomorrow.

Maybe pop out and get some supplies? I used to hide Haribo in the popcorn, do hot dogs, or sandwiches (with the crusts cut off), chocolates in bowls. Very important to lay the food out. 😄

Shower and put clean Lounge wear on.
Films.
Britain’s Got Talent and Pizza.
Hot chocolate (squirty cream and marshmallows).

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 27/04/2019 11:16

Right I've had a shower! Step one complete

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Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 27/04/2019 12:25

Step 2 we're all under blanket on sofa eating crisps !

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Cheekyfeckery · 27/04/2019 12:35

I think you’ve got this.

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 27/04/2019 16:46

God so tearful today. Hate feeling like this. I'm normally such a happy positive person

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JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 27/04/2019 16:52

Maybe think of metaphorical or real West Ham mugs you can smash when you are down. You're going to get the adrenaline lows. What's important is to look after yourself and your family and not play the pick me dance

Original poster
Simonfromharlow · 27/04/2019 17:05

I'd love to smash his face in right now! Haha

I'm having no contact with him unless it's to do with the kids and he doesn't live local to me now so there is no chance of bumping into him thank god! Just trying to get through this stage and keeping me and the kids sane and alive haha

He FaceTimed the kids this morning and I think it's hearing them talk to him that has set me off.

OP posts:
Cheekyfeckery · 27/04/2019 20:19

Yeh boundaries are so very important. That was my biggest struggle.

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