Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Need to pull myself together for the children

676 replies

Simonfromharlow · 20/04/2019 13:55

My husband left me 10 days ago. I feel so down. I'm being a shit mum to my kids as I can't pull myself together. This is so hard. I don't know how to cope.

OP posts:
Simonfromharlow · 03/06/2019 19:04

Thank you that is so kind. I'm
Just kind of bumbling through really!

OP posts:
Simonfromharlow · 03/06/2019 19:05

I hope you never experience this it's shit! Haha

OP posts:
Simonfromharlow · 03/06/2019 19:18

This feels very apt right now.

Need to pull myself together for the children
OP posts:
MILLYmo0se · 03/06/2019 20:03

Hope work goes well tomorrow!!

Simonfromharlow · 03/06/2019 20:12

Thank you! I'm nervous and excited at the same time!

OP posts:
fuckwitseverywhere · 03/06/2019 20:15

Just read your thread OP. You're an inspiration to others in this situation.
Hope the job goes well tomorrow. Keep your chin up. You have got this!

EffYouSeeKaye · 03/06/2019 21:43

Good luck Simon 😊😊

Paddy1234 · 03/06/2019 22:35

Perfect response Simon! Just don't let him force you to do anything. Remember you didn't choose this break up so everything now is on your terms! He probably thinks that getting a quickie divorce will mean that the financials will be sorted when you are on a low ebb - er no!
Take all the time you need and some more if it annoys him
😱

Simonfromharlow · 04/06/2019 08:21

He claims it's so we don't have it hanging over us and can move on. It's been 8 bloody weeks. Jesus.

OP posts:
PonderingPanda · 04/06/2019 09:59

What a twat. What does he want you to lie about?

My ex got very twitchy as time went on because originally he filled the financial forms in as a "single" person. However by the time it went to court they were living together and the financial forms should have been updated to reflect that. He was lying to his solicitor about his living arrangements and he was really bothered l was going to "drop him in it and screw him over". I had no intention of doing either and informed him of that.... but also said that l can't speak on behalf of my solicitor though as she has her own ethical and legal duties to uphold. My solicitor had no intention of disclosing anything to court as in the long run l was coming out better anyway and this would have delayed things further...... but it gave me a selfish little thrill knowing he was shitting himself and how his plans of starting his new "normal" single life with OW were being tarnished a little

WhoKnewBeefStew · 04/06/2019 10:27

Just rtft, you sound so much stronger OP Flowers

Simonfromharlow · 04/06/2019 12:26

I said I wouldn't accept blame so he said just say we weren't sharing a bed for a long time (we were), that we never socialised together (we did) and that we disagreed over how to raise the children (we didn't) etc etc.

OP posts:
Desmondo2016 · 04/06/2019 13:00

One of the most impressive break up threads I've ever read on MN. OP you rock!

I guarantee once he sees you thriving and enjoying your independence he will HATE it.

Good luck with the new job!

PonderingPanda · 04/06/2019 14:44

So he wants to divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour? If that's the case then one person has to file against the other and they are the one who pays the court costs up front.

Or you do a two year separation....or a 5 year non contested separation.

In the scheme of things does it matter what the reasons are?

But...

It was important to me to divorce him on unreasonable behaviour and l had enough examples. It also meant l paid for the Court application.

However.... it doesn't actually mean anything long term. There are no benefits i.e being awarded a better financial split if you divorce him or vice versa.

What you need to decide, is how you want this to go. Is it important to you that you divorce him, therefore you can start that now if you have enough examples

Or, is it important that you keep to the truth that you were still very much a couple, in which case do a 2yr separation.

Take some time and have a think to what is best for you.

I personally did unreasonable behaviour as l had plenty of examples (OW), l wanted it over with asap and my solicitor wanted us financially split asap as he is not financially aware.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 04/06/2019 16:33

Good for you OP. I’m so glad you said you wouldn’t lie, he’s so out of order to ask anything if you right now

PonderingPanda · 04/06/2019 16:48

I agree! These men just don't have any concept of the impact of their decisions.

Simonfromharlow · 04/06/2019 21:54

Work was really good today! The people are so nice. I think I'm going to really like working there!

OP posts:
fuckwitseverywhere · 04/06/2019 22:13

Great news! Things are on the up

Ariela · 04/06/2019 23:06

Just tell him that if he wants a quicker divorce he can always admit his adultery.

(then watch his jaw hit the ground as he thinks you didn't know about OW)

Simonfromharlow · 04/06/2019 23:14
Grin
OP posts:
FloresTorres · 04/06/2019 23:25

You rock, well done, Flowers

Paddy1234 · 05/06/2019 12:13

Well done - getting a job is not just about the money, it's getting out and meeting new people!

Simonfromharlow · 05/06/2019 12:16

Yes that was my main motivation. Widen the social circle. I'd wanted a job for a long time but he made it difficult for me to find one

OP posts:
Simonfromharlow · 05/06/2019 18:43

Having a little cry for youngest tonight. It's his birthday soon and he won't get to see his dad on the day because of the decisions he made for himself. On the plus side I get to spend the whole day to celebrate with him all to myself.

OP posts:
Paddy1234 · 05/06/2019 21:28

Yes you get the whole day! Woohoo
Silly man doesn't.
However don't worry in his own mind it will be your fault!
These men have the ability to change history

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.